The Widdershins

As some of you may know, I am fascinated by memes and language that seeps through the public consciousness, sort of like water seeps through bags of chamomile leaves to make sun tea. Unlike sun tea, however, these memes are neither delicious nor good for your nervous system. In fact, they give me the spilkes! Today’s activism is to try to avoid using these (and any others you want to contribute) at all costs, and to be aware when someone else uses them in your presence. (Okay, it’s not earth-shattering, but hey, my aunt and uncle are staying here and I’ve got no time to research the Mexican Spring, like I wanted to. So sue me!)

Obnoxious Word #1: “Around.”

Sample usage: “I’d like have a discussion around the Vendor Portal requirements.”

It truly sounds to me, when hearing this sentence, that the speaker would like to talk in circles and then sign off the meeting without ever getting to the point. Not that this doesn’t have a 75% chance of happening anyway, but why advertise it? Apparently the words “with regard to” are teddibly old-fashioned, but I would rather say them a hundred times while on Ambien than succumb in to the “Around” disease. Out, Out, damned around!

Obnoxious Word #2: “Silo” or “Siloed.” Can be a noun, a verb, an adverb or an adjective.

Sample usage: “Well, it’s hard to get anything done here because everyone is siloed.”

Alternate usage: “We need to de-silo our data.”

No, this doesn’t mean that the heads of the departments are standing in buildings in Iowa, surrounded by corn, wheat and other agricultural staples. This means that information is partitioned off from department to department, and very little collaboration is going on. Makes sense to use silos in that context? No? I don’t get it either.

Even weirder is the idea that corporate data is in silos. I get that it could be in different areas of the company, on different databases, but why the whole farm terminology? I just actually scratched my head.

Obnoxious Phrase #1: “Let me re-set that right now.”

Dear Corporate Overlords, I am not a BlackBerry. You don’t get to “re-set” me, and my memory won’t get erased just because you decide we’re doing something differently from now on. So cut it out!

Obnoxious Phrase #2: “We have to eat our own dog food.”

Okay, ew? What this is supposed to mean is that companies should use the products they manufacture, but since dogs (who would eat dog food) don’t actually make it, it makes no sense whatsoever.

I would like to close with a couple of truly amazing sentences which came out of my former boss’ mouth during a meeting. Like Athena bursting from the head of Zeus, these “barnyard bromides” would emerge, mysterious, sudden and not without violence (the side-splitting kind). I share them with you now to not just gain your sympathy for my sufferings, but also to allow you to share in the hilarity. Warning: Please put your drink down before reading further.

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