The Widdershins

Posts Tagged ‘Tillerson

Today’s the day for which we’ve been waiting — the Pootie Poot and Dolt show. It’s the day when Dolt 45 finally meets his old friend and “stable mate” Vlad for a face-to-rind howdy do. The usual cable news meth addicts are on pins and needles, but me, not so much – I’m feeling a big lotta meh.

Here’s why.

First, let’s get the disclaimers out-of-the-way. I’m not opining one way or another about Dolt’s mental health. I am going to offer a few thoughts on how he will behave during his precious Vlad time. So far the clamorous Yam’s characteristic behaviors have been five-by-five in their signal clarity. There have been no surprises.

Second, a quick refresher as to what motivates Dolt’s predominate behaviors. He operates from his ego drives of Significance and Competition. His Significance means he gets every ounce of his self-worth from the way others see him. His Competition means he’s always counting and comparing – “his huge is hugest, his awesomeness is awesomest, his intelligence is intelligenciest.”

Most importantly, Dolt is emotionally fragile. Criticism is unacceptable. He bruises easier than a 90-year old banana on blood thinners.

Next, let’s look at the architecture of the meeting. National Security Advisor H.R. McMaster said the agenda for the meeting is whatever the Mango-in-Chief wants to talk about. Therefore, Vlad has seen fit to set the agenda for the meeting. Mark that as a win for the Red Team.

Here’s the other pre-meeting blunder everyone seems to be overlooking. The meeting will have six attendees – Dolt, Vlad, Tillerson, Sergei Lavrov, and two interpreters. So minus the two functionary interpreters, there are four attendees – of those four, three of them know exactly what Russia and the Trump campaign did last summer.

Rexxon is going to be the fourth wheel on a double date where there’s an active three-way happening right in front of him. Dolt 45 will not raise the issue of Russia interference because: (1) His courage is so low you’d have to eat earthworms to find it; and (2) There’s no need to talk about something everyone, except poor Rexxon, already knows.

No matter what happens in the meeting between Dolt and Vlad, Vlad has already won. He wants Russia to be seen as an equal to the United States. The meeting itself is a victory. A “happy happy joy joy” joint statement of a good meeting is a win for Russia. At the very least, Vlad is going to get a joint readout saying the two had a good discussion of world issues. Such a readout translates to Russia being the equal of the United States.

If I’m able to shed any light on what happens today, it is this: Why is Dolt 45 so fascinated with Vlad? It isn’t the accepted pundit wisdom of, “Putin is a strong man leader.”  No, being driven by Competition, the Mango-in-Chief must have someone with whom to compare himself. Vlad is that comparison. In other words, if you are going to carve up the world, it is useless unless you have someone to compare yourself. Vlad serves that role in Dolt’s ever increasing amyloid riddled brain.

I’ve known dozens of people like Dolt 45. I’ve interviewed them, counseled them, and on occasion consoled them. They are some of God’s strangest creatures. Dolt 45 sees Putin as the leader of the “unfree world” to his leadership of the free world. Given that Dolt’s world view was formed in the 1970-80s this flawed elementary version is cemented in the psyche of Dolt.

Vlad is going to use this fact. He’s going to flatter Dolt and commiserate about their common enemies of the media and “deep state” institutionalists. He’s going to talk about how dismal Obama was as a leader. After the Saudis projected Dolt’s orangeness on the Ritz-Carlton in Riyadh and the Poles busing adoring crowds to hear him read a speech, there is no doubt everyone now realizes the way to Dolt’s KFC-clogged heart is flattery on top of a little more flattery.

Of this we can be sure, if someone who is so motivated by Competition is not on high alert for this meeting, there is something else at play. In other words, if Dolt isn’t trying to “out-handshake” Putin from the get-go, there’s something else a’shakin’. So if the meeting is a big old nothing burger with fries, it will tell us plenty. Without a doubt, there are two people in this meeting who know to the last ruble how much Russian mafia money found its way into Trump developments. Neither of them will have to mention it because they both know the other knows they know it.

What do you know today?

 

 

As Robin of Batman and Robin fame said, “Holy Stomach Ache!” It’s the ache that won’t go away. It’s IBS-D – Incredibly Boneheaded Scandals with Delirium.

Where to start? It’s like a fart in a whirlwind – it’s everywhere all at once, it stinks, and you don’t know who’s to blame.

What these IBS-D sufferers have yet to meet is my “little friend”:

 

Fortunately, our little friend is the “truth” – a close cousin of reality. It has a tendency to arrive each morning with the sunrise. Let’s review a few of these IBS-D victims.

You have Rep. Devin Nunes who got a call and started an odyssey straight out of Austin Powers. Nunes went to the White House to be briefed by wet-behind-the-ears NSC staffers, one who formerly worked for Nunes and the other who was to be fired but got a reprieve from Dolt 45, examined sensitive raw intelligence, got up the next day, had a press conference, and went back to the White House to tell them about things he had learned twelve hours before at the White House. Nunes is a liar and he has officially admitted it. Question is: Was he lying then, now, or both times?

Dead man sitting…when no one will sit by you, you might be the stinker…

Or Michael Flynn, woebegone National Security Adviser for 24 days and leader of “lock her up” chants, is peddling himself as a candidate for immunity for his “story” because according to his attorney, “He’s got a story to tell.”

Maybe the truth can’t be trusted if it is proven by science. Look no further than Scott Pruitt, EPA Administrator, who said the “EPA was returning to sound science in decision-making,” by ignoring it and allowing the continued use of a pesticide particularly harmful to children. Dow Chemical is happy with their life-sized skin puppet named Pruitt since the neurotoxic poison only harms children’s brains.

Then there is our Secretary of State T.Rex Tillerson – a human silver ridgeback gorilla. In keeping with OSHA standards for dealing with human ridgebacks, State Department employees have been instructed “not to speak to him directly — or even make eye contact.” As we know around here, a company lifer like T.Rex will always go along to get along and an original idea would kill him.

Or maybe we could go out to Kansas and visit with the original Tea Party scarecrow Sam Brownback. Governor Brownback has now hit the conservodroid trifecta. He cut taxes driving the state to the brink of bankruptcy, he did lasting damage to the state’s education system, and now he has vetoed expanded Medicaid. There’s 150,000 poor Kansans who wish Brownback was already ambassadoring in Italy since they have a nice anatomical spot picked out for something shaped like a boot as a parting gift.

Dolt 45 Cabinet Meeting…

Back in D.C. to avenge the failure of the American Health Care Atrocity Act, all the men folk got together and decided the “manly man” thing to do was to blame a woman. Go figure. Just like with the Nunes story, it’s a story with more credibility stretch marks than Chris Christy after a Krispy Kreme drive-by looting. The woman guilty of not being a man, Katie Walsh, will be working with yet another “Mercer” group.

Speaking of Gov. Krispy, his bridge trolls were sentenced to prison this week. Krispy was in D.C. being “injected” as chairman of an opioid task force. I find it incredibly rich for Christy to be put in charge of any effort to gain self-control over the ingestion of substances.

And just one last thought. We are a country of 320 million people. If the very best advisers we have in this country are a guy who worked for a fringe conspiracy website, a creepy daughter/wife, and a son-in-law whose college application had a $2.5 million check pinned to it, then I’ve got more than a touch of real IBS-D.

What’s on your mind today?

 

Sometimes the greatest ideas crawl out from under the most bizarre rocks.  Here’s how I got to yesterday’s greatest idea of all time.  While surfing the intertubz, I happened upon a list for what makes a dog breed dumb.

He was great with Cher in "Mask"...

He was great with Cher in “Mask”…

Listed among the characteristics for an intellectually challenged dog are:  Difficulty in training, bad memory, inability to distinguish what’s real, and a general confusion about who’s in charge.  As I read the list I realized it pretty accurately described Dolt 45 and the pack of feral animals he’s brought in to sniff his rather ample butt.

His pack of dogs is a varied lot.  There’s the huge BannonMastiff.  Typically it has a completely disheveled, dirty appearance like it has been sleeping under an overpass.  The BannonMastiff drools a lot!  Strange things trigger the drooling like obscure references to European ethno-nationalistic philosophers.  This breed has a strong dislike and mistrust for others.  It will attack other dogs especially mongrels.

Then there’s the Siberian Flynnsky – a very lively breed.  It acts out and is often bored since it lives in a general confusion as to who’s in charge.  At times it is almost as if it hears distant Russian voices.  It is a working breed, but you can never be quite sure for whom it is working.

When it comes to territorial breeds, there is the Chinese Shar-Pence.  The Shar-Pence is very aggressive toward LBGT, hungry people, or pregnant women.  The Shar-Pence will not share.  This breed suffers from health problems, but when it comes to veterinary care, it is a dog eat dog world where only the fittest and most righteous will survive.

There’s also the Speagle – a breed with a little Spicey mixed in with the Beagle.  The Speagle is a piss poor listener and loves to bark.  They are very difficult to train and can be dangerous because they can be confused easily.  Unfamiliar scents cause them to get angry and chase their tails.  They often chase shadows.  Dog clothes never seem to fit the Speagle.

awaiting-confirmationLast, but certainly not least, there is the perceived pack leader, the Toy Teacup Trumpoodle.  This breed can be very amusing, but can be very high-strung.  They can be extremely temperamental.  They snap if they are teased or surprised.  Often they develop the “small dog syndrome” where they believe they are the pack leader.  This syndrome leads to snapping, growling, demanding behavior, and incessant barking.  The Teacup Trumpoodle often has mental stability problems if not trained early.

What got me thinking was how often this ragtag pack wanders off the reservation.  For instance, just yesterday Secretaries Tillerson and Kelly were in Mexico trying to clean up some of the messes of the Teacup Trumpoodle. While on their way to clean things up, the Trumpoodle laid a whole new pile of dog turds at their feet.

This pack is trying a fear-based approach to issues like immigration and overall personal rights.  For instance, children will be treated differently in different states.  In short, where you live will determine your happiness and socialization.  If your parents happen to live in an enlightened state (both mentally and physically), your constitutional protections will be greater than your poor cousin living in a red state where they are clawing their way back to 1950.milo-minus-stefan-equals-miller

It truly seems if our future is being mapped out by a pack of dogs. When it comes to budgeting, these grifters aren’t starting with real economic assumptions; they are making claims and then back-filling with magical hyperbole – a similar exercise to baying at the moon on an overcast night.

Then there are all these dogs hanging at the edges of the pack.  These dogs were originally hanging around the Siberian Flynnsky, but now it seems like more butts than his were sniffed during the campaign.  In fact, many more butts.  There are many questions.

So what’s my idea?  The best dog shock collar is supposed to be Dogtra’s 1900 NCP Field Star.  So my idea is to outfit Dolt 45 and the cabinet with modified shock collars.  But shock collar would show and look unseemly.  That’s when I thought about shock broziers – you know that little extra bit of support for man boobs.

When Dolt 45 and his pack of feral cabinet dogs are acting crazier than outhouse rats, we could shock them with 1600 DC-1 Trainer Broziers.  We’ve already cut a promo ad.

 

Here’s the way I look at it.  It makes no difference if this pack of wild dogs running the country is dumb or viciously evil.  The end result is the same.  Lots of fear, lots of peeing on things we once thought were sacred, and hoping against hope the political pack of wolves will turn on the Teacup Trumpoodle.

What’s on your mind today?

 

planet-of-the-apes-but-her-emails

Sometimes these posts just write themselves.  The words pop up like mushrooms after a spring shower.  Those are the fun ones because you don’t know what you have written until you get to the end.  It’s a form of literary Tourettes.

Then there are those like today.

Long, laborious, slogs winding their way to nowhere in particular.  It isn’t a trip upon which you want to invite friends.  The best advice, “Stay at home with a nice blanket and a better book.”

To be painfully honest, I have been really depressed this week.  I was shell-shocked through November.  December found me trying to intellectualize.  But this week – this week I have been really depressed.  This travesty is really going to happen.  This isn’t a nightmare.  This is as real as it gets.

So I did a little research.  Most of the self-help cures for depression aren’t applicable on such short notice because they say things like, “Don’t dwell on the negative or it isn’t as bad as it seems.”  Well, yes it is and I can make a pretty strong case that things will get much, much worse.joker-trump

The applicable short-term self-help depression cures are these:

  1. Get outside especially if the sun is shining.
  2. Do 20 minutes of exercise.
  3. Avoid caffeine because it lowers serotonin levels.
  4. Eat a turkey sandwich because tryptophan enhances serotonin release.
  5. Pop Prozac if you have it. If not, drink.  Lots.

I thought about predictions for the next four years, but this early on, Noah probably didn’t even pay attention to the weather reports.  There will be time to fret and fume about the Vermilion Vermin.  It isn’t too soon to laugh about him though.

rick-perry-gifFor instance, his cabinet picks.  We have a Nobel physicist and a nuclear theoretical physicist being replaced by an early elimination from Dancing with the Stars who got an F in organic chemistry and a D in something called “Meats”.

We have a Treasury Secretary who said the disclosure form was complicated and he just plain forgot to mention $100 Million in real estate holdings.  We wouldn’t want things to be too complicated for the guy who is charged with running a $3.8 Trillion budget.

Then we have the most honest designee, Ben Carson, who said, “No one should want me running a federal agency.” bear-with-a-gun

Then there is the lady who found a pair of “smart glasses,” put them on, and stumbled into the Education Secretary Confirmation hearing.  The family of Ms. DeVos anted up $200 Million for her to have the opportunity to embarrass herself bigly.  With a straight face she essentially said, “The only thing that is going to stop a bad grizzly with a gun is a good grizzly with a gun.”

And finally, we have a Friend of Vlad, being considered for Secretary of State.  Let there be no question, Mr. Tillerson gives a new meaning to the GOP.  It is now the Gas and Oil Party.

Then there’s the review of 3 Doors Down biggest hit, Kryptonite.

The compatibility between the social and spiritual perspectives amplified by post-grunge and the revanchist right-wing politics of Trumpism seems fairly obvious, but it’s never more explicit than in the music video for 3 Doors Down’s own career-defining hit “Kryptonite.” As in the film Birdman, to which the video serves as an unwitting precursor, the protagonist is a repellent white man. Old, with disheveled hair, dressed in his underwear, his food infested with insects, he was once a superhero (or a superhero on television, it’s unclear). He watches reruns of his former self on TV. This old man is preposterous and awful and doomed, but how many can he take down with him?

Old man, disheveled hair, once believing he was a superhero, and watches reruns of himself on teevee.  If that isn’t a precursor to the clamorous Yam, I don’t know what it.

 

The best palliative for depression is comedy.  I’ll warn you, inauguration humor isn’t a genre with a large selection, but enjoy what there is.

 

 

 

Folks, fix yourself a turkey sandwich, come by often today, talk about anything and everything, and remember to keep your television on and tuned to anything other than the misInauguration.

For years now, I’ve been writing these posts.  Sometimes it is once a week.  Sometimes more.  I always start out with a cheery “good morning” or “good day” whatever – well, not today.  Today all I can muster is a chipper, “Thank goodness there’s only twelve more days in this lousy year!”but-her-emails

Having gotten up on the wrong side of my keyboard this morning, I’m sick beyond words of hearing how Hillary wasn’t perfect. How she didn’t go to Wisconsin. How she didn’t spend enough time in Michigan.  How she didn’t speak to the white working class.  And on and on it goes – Hillary just wasn’t perfect.

Bullsh*t!

First and most decidedly foremost, never has a candidate for President been held to a standard of perfection.  If the standard was perfection, the 1st through the 44th would never have taken the oath.

Second, the press bears an enormous amount of responsibility for what is about to befall the country.  Of course with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, they can only caterwaul about Hillary’s imperfection.  They fail to acknowledge, let alone own, the three networks devoted three times as much airtime to Hillary’s emails as they did to all policy issues combined.

strongly-breaking-before-the-election

Late deciding voters went overwhelmingly for the Mango Meerkat-headed one…

Third, no one other than Nate Silver has the integrity to point out; Hillary lost four states, Florida, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania, by one percentage point or less. According to Silver, if not for Comey and the Russians, Hillary would have won each state by at least two points and her strategy, along with her imperfections, would have been stellar.

Fourth and this is where I’ve been heading, if a writer or commentator can’t keep two thoughts in their mind at the same time – Hillary might not have been perfect, but Comey and the Russians changed the outcome of this election – I no longer have time to wallow in their puddles of ignorance.  I invite you to join me.

I no longer have time to listen to anyone who fails to acknowledge the Tangerine Turd is more or less neck-and-neck with Michael Dukakis when it comes to percentage of vote:  Turd 46.17% and Dukakis 45.65%.

joel-pett-you-and-your-identityNo longer will I patronize anyone’s work who fails to correct the notion that Herr Trumpenfuhrer won the popular vote.  Such is a false assumption of 52% of Republicans and a full 60% of Trumpinista-type voters without a college degree.

Never again will I listen to some mind-numbing recitation by an overly veneered, pretty-haired pundit, as they stare into the camera and pronounce the Democratic Party a coastal party with nothing to offer the morally superior, hardworking, churched-up, white people who make up the backbone of the country.

When you break it down, the Trumpanzee was particularly attractive in cow pastures where he carried over 2,500 counties.  On the other hand, the imperfect Hillary only carried 472, but those 472 counties account for almost two-thirds of all the economic activity in the country.low-approval-of-transition

I thought it was going to take at least a year before the Trump Chumps figured out they were duped, bigly, in the world’s largest con.  A con that makes Madoff look miniscule in comparison.

Draining the swamp has turned out to be more of a gauche, over-the-top Trump bedazzling rehab.  So far the transition cluster-fornication has turned:  (1) The economy over to Goldman Sachs; (2) Foreign relations and the environment over to coiffured mud engineers; (3) National security coordination over to an Islamophobic nutter; (4) Economic forecasting over to someone who plays an economist on teevee; and (5) The budget over to a Freedom Caucus fringer who sees nothing wrong with defaulting on the national debt.

What could go wrong?fox-news-poll-trump-one-of-the-worst

If you are worrying about Herr Trumpenfuhrer being a “Siberian Candidate,” I’ll leave you with this thought.  The old Soviet economy could not sustain a military and also feed its citizens.  Like a slow motion game of drunken Jenga, their whole system collapsed in on itself.

With a GDP about the size of Italy, Putin knows he can’t compete with the United States.  So how does he reinvigorate Russia with a stature of a bygone era?  Under the laws of Sun Tzu, the answer is simple – by lowering the stature of the enemy.

If he had a magic wand, Putin might cripple the fiscal prowess by reducing taxes in a manner that would cap spending and increase the already staggering wealth gap.  At the same time he might kindle internal unrest by slashing domestic spending.  It would also be handy if he could make the citizens less healthy by curtailing health care and further stretching the social safety net. And a nice start to all of this would be cultivating distrust in democratic institutions.net-favorability-of-putin

Sun Tzu said it best, “Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness.  Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness.  Thereby, you can be the director of the opponent’s fate.  The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”

If only there was a perfect candidate.  If only…

What’s on your mind today?

 


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Our 2016 Ticket!

Our girl is gonna shine

Busted: Glass ceiling

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She’s thinking “Less than 2 weeks I have to keep seeing that face”

Yeah I can make it

The team we’re on

Women’s March on Washington!

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Kellyanne Conway’s new job

So similar

Take the kids to work? NO!

3 turds control fate of healthcare for millions

That moment when *your* pussy gets grabbed