The Widdershins

Posts Tagged ‘Mitch Mcconnell

It’s amazing. #MoscowMitch McConnell is no longer the Senate Majority Leader. Nothing he does can change that. Yet instead of lying low and playing nice after the horrendous nightmare of 1/6, he has done everything he possibly can to try to bully, threaten and render powerless the incoming Democratic leadership.

It hasn’t worked. In fact, he had to cave on his “filibuster” of the organizing resolution this week, as he saw that Majority Leader Schumer was not going to negotiate. Period.

But somehow, McConnell is still seen as a force to be reckoned with. The Grim Reaper. The scary guy who always wins no matter what. In fact, the press scrambled to declare victory for Mitch despite his obvious fold. He got a commitment from Sinema and Manchin! they stated. He still won!

And Mitch gladly continued their spin.

McConnell warned Tuesday, as he has for months, that getting rid of the filibuster would fundamentally change the way the Senate operates for years to come.

“If the Democratic majority were to attack the filibuster, they would guarantee themselves immediate chaos,” he said. “If this majority went scorched-earth, this body would grind to a halt like we’ve never seen.”

Oh, would it grind to more of a halt than it was in the past 4 years? Is it possible for less than zero good to be done for the country? Because if it is, McConnell just threatened to make it so, Number One.

Now it’s very clear from what Chuck Schumer said that the Democrats have not taken, and will not take, the nuke of the filibuster off the table. But more than that, he said that the filibuster isn’t the point. There are many other ways for Democrats to get things done, and Mitch will not be permitted to dictate the way things go in the Senate from now on.

So what’s going on? Why are journalists ignoring what Democrats are saying and doing right in front of their eyes, and allowing McTurtle to drive the narrative?

I call it the McConnell Myth.

According to the McConnell Myth, he’s always in charge. He’s got things up his sleeve, does Mitch. He’s a master of manipulation, one of the most consequential Majority Leaders in the history of the Senate. He’s always ten steps ahead!

But there’s another point of view on McConnell. He seems to have a complete inability to “read the room,” making it very clear that Republicans have no moral compass, no care for the well-being of the American people and no desire to do the work for which they were elected. He proudly killed 400 bills originated in the Democratic House of Representatives, showed rank hypocrisy and a complete lack of sensitivity when pushing through the horrifyingly unqualified Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court, and after his Party perpetrated sedition and lost the Presidency, the House and the Senate (in no small part due to his hyper-partisan approach), was his first move to try to distance himself from Drumpf and the Nazis who follow him?

Why, no. His first move was to try to pretend he was still in charge, and it failed spectacularly. And his second move? Voting along with 44 of his closest Republican Senator friends to say that the current impeachment of Drumpf was unconstitutional, because Drumpf is no longer in office (praise the Goddess!). Why is the trial happening now instead of when Drumpf was in office? Because McConnell wouldn’t let it happen. And is there any chance Americans won’t remember that? No, there isn’t – because it was less than three weeks ago!

Speaking of us Murkins – how is all this playing across America? Well, as we know the Rethugs lost power across the board in 2020, so that’s not a vote of confidence by any means. But their personal nightmare is just beginning, as Americans continue to reject them and their agenda.

Wouldn’t a smart, strategic former Majority Leader understand that his best chance to try to reclaim his tattered reputation is to kick the Mango Moron to the curb?

Mitch McConnell is not smart. He is not strategic. He is just amoral and willing to do anything to retain power. And now, inevitably, he has none.

Take the discussion where you’d like!

Merry Christmas Widdershins! Haven’t done one of these in a while – I hope you enjoy it.

THE SCENE: Christmas Morning at the McConnell mansion in Kentucky. MITCH MCCONNELL, the Republican Senate Majority Leader, is lounging in his four-poster bed, dressed in Trump gold pajamas (100% polyester!) with the Trump logo on his chest. His wife, ELAINE CHAO, is lounging next to him. Her pajamas match, of course.

MCCONNELL (stretching comfortably): What a great night’s sleep! (to ELAINE) You know, I was a bit worried I might get three, um, “visitors” overnight. Well, Merry Christmas to us!

There’s a knock at the bedroom door.

MCCONNELL: Come in, honey!

SENATE AIDE #1 enters. She is young, blonde and Fox News friendly.

MCCONNELL (startled): Oh! I thought you were one of my daughters. Uh, how’s it going, uh…Maggie?

(Her name is Mary.)

MARY (deferentially): It’s Mary, sir.

(ELAINE, frustrated, lightly smacks MCCONNELL on the arm.)

MCCONNELL: Ahem, yes, of course, Mary. How can I help you? And a Merry Christmas to you, my dear.

MARY: Merry Christmas, sir. Sir, I wanted to let you know that I’ve just received word. The Washington Post has another scoop. It’s…it’s bad, sir.

ELAINE: Oh no. What has that orange idiot done now?

(MARY is shocked, then giggles a bit))

MCCONNELL (repressively): ELAINE!

ELAINE (repentant): Sorry, darlin’. I forgot we weren’t alone. (to Mary) Go ahead, dear.

MARY: Well, um, it looks like he made fun of a child. See right here? He said that at 7 years old, it’s “marginal” to believe in Santa Claus.

ELAINE (muttering to herself): Jesus f*cking Christ.

MCCONNELL: Elaine! (to Mary) Thanks for telling us, uh, Marjorie. Now scoot along. Go have some eggnog or something.

MARY (rolling her eyes a bit): Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

(Mary exits, closing the door)

ELAINE (sitting up in bed): For heaven’s sake, Mitch. That f*cking moron can’t even talk to a child properly! Why don’t you do something already? I’m almost embarrassed to be a Republican these days.

MCCONNELL: (placatingly) Now, Elaine, I know it’s hard to take sometimes.

(He gets out of bed, pacing…the audience can see his Trump slippers)

MCCONNELL: But look – LOOK at all the power we have! And money…soooooo much money. That tax cut was very, very good to us. So what if the guy tweets every once in a while. We are still in great shape. It’s never been a better time to be a Republican!

(There’s another knock at the door.)

MCCONNELL: Come in, honey!

(SENATE AIDE #2 enters. She is interchangeable with Mary, but is wearing a different color mini-skirt.)

MCCONNELL: Darn it, when will Porter get here? (to AIDE #2) Uh, excuse me, sweetheart. Merry Christmas! What can we do for you?

SENATE AIDE #2:  Sir, the AFP is reporting that Erdogan has invited President Trump to Turkey. It sure looks like he and the President are doing some kind of deal together, especially since Turkey is moving into Syria already. There’s also a lot of negative press about the General Mattis thing. I’ve checked the latest Presidential approval ratings, and they are, um, not good. 39%!

(ELAINE screams into a pillow) 

MCCONNELL: ELAINE! (to SENATE AIDE #2) Uh, thanks, my dear. There’s some mulled wine in the kitchen, please help yourself!

SENATE AIDE #2 (puzzled by the lack of reaction): Uh, yes sir. Thank you, sir. Merry Christmas!

(SENATE AIDE #2 exits, closing the door.)

ELAINE (picking up where they left off, crossing to MCCONNELL): “It’s a great time to be a Republican?” Are you serious? All those Never Trumpers are having a field day! That Jonah Goldberg, ooh, I could smack him. Even the MAGA morons are starting to wake up. And the liberals, well – clearly they feel vindicated. (sarcastically) You DID notice the 2018 election, didn’t you? Did you see how many seats the Democrats gained in the House? That Pelosi woman —

MCCONNELL (interrupting superstitiously): She Who Must Not Be Named?

(ELAINE and MCCONNELL spit three times through their fingers)

ELAINE (continuing): ANYWAY, Ms. P is going to come after you with everything she’s got. That Elijah Cummings has already sent over 50 letters about various new investigations he’s planning on opening. You think Trump can survive all of this? Why are you still sticking by him?

(Another knock at the door.)

MCCONNELL and ELAINE (exasperated): Come in!

(SENATE AIDE #3 enters. Yes, she is interchangeable with Mary and #2, wearing yet another color mini-skirt.)

ELAINE (frazzled): What is it, Monica? Oh, Merry Christmas, dear.

MONICA: Merry Christmas, ma’am, sir. I’m sorry to disturb you, but it looks like another child has died in U.S. custody. (pointedly) That makes two.

MCCONNELL (showing the first signs of distress): Oh my goodness. That’s very bad indeed. Uh – what happened, do we know? (eagerly) Can we blame the Democrats?

MONICA (dubiously): Well sir, it’s not clear yet. If there’s a particular border patrol agent who’s responsible, I suppose we could find out how he voted in 2018?

MCCONNELL (wagging his finger): And 2016! If he voted for Hillary, we’re home free. (more cheerfully) Thanks, darlin’! Go stand under the mistletoe in the great room, maybe you’ll get lucky! (smacks her on the ass)

MONICA (shocked, rubbing her ass): Uh, thank you? (exits quickly, closing the door)

(ELAINE glares at MCCONNELL, shaking her head.)

MCCONNELL (dismissively): Oh whatever, she loved it. Now, where were we?

ELAINE (sighing): Mitch, honey. (taking his hand) Let’s not fight. Just please tell me, for once and for all, what is going on? I am ready to quit tomorrow. Just say the word. This is the worst job I’ve ever had! I don’t even think Trump knows my name. He keeps calling me “my Chinese friend.” “Where’s my Chinese friend?” he asks me. I’m from Taiwan, for heaven’s sake!

MCCONNELL (coming to a decision): Elaine, I’m gonna come clean. The Russians gave me a lot of money to back that orangutan. I’m just not going to go against them, okay? That Putin is no joke. He kills people! Besides which, we can keep the Democrats in check with our increased majority in the Senate. They’ll never get the votes to impeach him. We can stay on the Trump train and finally privatize Social Security and Medicare. Imagine, all the money pouring in! And, he’ll get re-elected in 2020. Our Russian friends will take care of that!

(ELAINE shakes her head in disbelief.)

(MCCONNELL’S phone dings. He reads it, then throws it across the room.)

MCCONNELL: No, no, no!

ELAINE (concerned): What is it now?

MCCONNELL: MUELLER!

(ELAINE and MCONNELL spit through their fingers again)

MCCONNELL (pacing): Hannity tells me that Mr. M has got me – ME! on his Christmas list. He’s going to  find out about my special friendship with Russia! (realization slowly dawning) Oh my Lord. Who’s going to protect me? Trump will throw me under the bus faster than you can say “Michael Cohen!” He’s never liked me, never! And Pence, he’s useless. He’s going to get indicted before summer comes.

ELAINE (taking him by the shoulders): Mitch, look at me. (he looks up, in deep distress) You cannot go to jail. You hear me? Daddy would be furious! (commandingly) You know what you have to do.

(ELAINE hands him her phone. MCCONNELL slowly takes it and dials.)

MCCONNELL: Hello? Special Counsel’s office? Yes, Merry Christmas to you too (ELAINE puts her hand on his shoulder). This is Majority Leader McConnell. I’d like to speak to the Special Counsel, please…

(LIGHTS OUT.)

THE END

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I suppose there are many games of 3D chess one can play, but I often wonder what kind of game Democrats are playing. As the country continues to spiral out of control with full cooperation of the Republican party (Mitch McConnell will not allow a vote on a bipartisan bill to protect Bob Mueller’s investigation), and the institutions are taking on more and more water, virtually all Resistance to Electoral College Baboon has been grassroots driven. (Real grassroots, not astroturfed like the Tea Party 10 years ago. Kochs literally paid for the Tea Party; Soros has not cut any checks.) So while the public is engaging in resistance, organizing massive marches and voting in special elections to kick Dumpists out (in Texas Democrat Beto O’Rourke is within margin of error against Rafael Cruz), I have seen so very little Resistance from our elected officials. If we have one name politician leader it may be Maxine Waters. Maybe add Ted Lieu and Adam Schiff. (Not counting HRC because she is a private citizen.) But almost everyone else is very careful not to rock any boats. Mark Warner told Democrats that if Rosenstein is fired they shouldn’t do anything.

Sen. Mark Warner, the top Democrat on the Intelligence Committee investigating Russian interference in the 2016 election, told a group of Democratic colleagues on Wednesday that they should adhere to a one- or two-day cooling-off period if Trump fires Rosenstein, according to three congressional sources. Rosenstein met Thursday with Trump amid reportsthat the White House is preparing an effort to undermine the deputy attorney general’s credibility.

“The first 24 to 48 hours, if and when that happens, we should stay calm; we should do our best to reach out across the aisle and talk to our colleagues and say, ‘Seriously, we cannot allow this to happen.’ Just don’t go immediately to DEFCON-1,” said a member of Congress who attended the meeting but asked for anonymity to discuss it candidly. “We should not say anything—let the dust settle for a minute. What I took from it is it’s better to build a coalition across the aisle than just to come out guns a-blazing saying, ‘We’ve got to impeach him now.’”

I don’t know what Mark Warner is smoking, but it’s almost like he has been in a coma for the last 20 years and hasn’t seen Republican behavior going back to Newt Gingrich. “Cooling-off period” is something Democrats have been doing for a long long time and look where it’s got us. And Warner he is far from alone. Chuck Schumer went to Kentucky to yuck it up with Mitch McConnell because:

“Actually, the Senate is a pretty collegial place. We don’t dislike each other,” McConnell said. “We have to work together.”

The problem with this is Schumer goes to yuck it up with McConnell while McConnell has virtually single-handedly destroyed the Senate and bipartisanship. But “we don’t dislike each other.” Actually I’d say Republicans have shown nothing but contempt for Democrats for about 20 years and Democrats continue to yuck it up as if we were all just playing a friendly game of Charades. The word “impeachment” has not entered elected Democrats’ lexicon. Many Democrats actually fear that impeaching Trump would just make Republicans really mad and will mean Republicans will try to impeach the next Democrat president. It’s as if none of these people know that Bill Clinton was impeached for lying about infidelity, Republicans spent 8 years trying to impeach Obama, and that President Hillary would have been impeached by March 2016. Meanwhile Republican Pres commits treason, profits off presidency – and “Let’s not overreact because we don’t want to make Republicans mad.” I am so so so disappointed and angry at our political leaders. There are actually no leaders. The Democratic base is angry and afraid of the insanity coming out of DC. And Democratic officials are Treebearding their voters to death. I don’t know what kind of rose-colored glasses they are wearing, but they truly don’t seem to recognize the seriousness of situation we are in, and they are not recognizing the anger of their voters. They think they can harness the grassroots led anger to win at the polls, but they may find themselves consumed by the fire, just like Republicans got scalded by the Tea Party in 2009 and beyond.

33750_463348759760_4746600_nWe are slouching towards some kind of reckoning. The past 48 hrs have seen some notable activity by Bob Mueller. He revealed, in filings to counter Paul Manafort’s attempt to have charges against him dismissed, that Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein has given him the necessary permission to investigate Manafort’s collusion with the Russians. And if Manafort colluded – so did Trump. What that means in the long run is unclear. Mueller can’t impeach Trump and he can’t prosecute him. Mueller says he will write a report outlining his findings about Trump and Rosenstein will have discretion on what to do with the report. He has to provide both the chairs of the intelligence committees and the ranking members with the report – this is good news because ranking Democrats (certainly people like Schiff) won’t let the report disappear into the night (wanna bet Nunes will try?) But this doesn’t change the fact that Mueller has no power over Trump himself. And the current GOP will do nothing to control Trump. A blue wave in the midterms will be essential. Democrats may be able to impeach Trump, but removing him from office – requiring 2/3 of the Senate support – will probably fail even with Democrats in charge. There are simply no Republicans who would vote to remove Trump. So where does that leave us? I don’t know…

It leaves us with evil men like Mitch McConnell. McConnell just bragged to Kentucky Today that refusing to hold nominations hearings on Merrick Garland “was the most consequential decision I’ve made in my entire public career.” He is proud of this. It gets worse though. He is also very proud of keeping Obama from appointing judges to the lower courts.

McConnell cited the subsequent wave of Trump-nominated judges as a lasting legacy. Recounting a conversation with the White House counsel soon after Trump’s election to Kentucky Today, McConnell said he suggested Trump nominate young judges.

 “I said ‘we’ve got a chance to transform the country in a very significant way for the next generation if we can get our act together,’” McConnell said. 

If ever you feel like giving up from exhaustion – think about Mitch McConnell being proud of these things. And then go out and vote to erase Mitch McConnell and his cabal from our consciousness.

And now for some laughs:

Good morning Widdershins. Happy Friday.

Times are tough for the MAGA gear crowd. Did you know now you can get MAGA overalls? Who knew? I figure they might also start test marketing MAGA Opioids to take the edge off all this bad news. Of course the only way the Trumpkinites would hear about it is if Fox has to shut down in order to focus on their primary business – pimping sex for old men.

Over the past few days, I’ve been noticing how consistent the Trumquats are when it comes to things they care about passionately. Percentage feeling “proud” that Trump is Presidenting – 26%. Percentage wanting The Mooch to stay after his profane rant – 26%. Percentage who think the Sun orbits the Earth – 26%. Such consistency even puts a twinkle in the dead eyes of Baby Goebbels as he dreams of being a roadie on an American Apartheid tour.  (That guy is only 31-years old and unless he’s Benjamin Button he was taken to the cleaners in his deal with the Devil.)

Last night Dolt went to “wild, wooly, wonderful West Virginia”. That used to be the official tourism slogan. I know that because I did a 5th grade report on the state with an obligatory refrigerator box diorama complete with a papier mache map.

This week has been difficult for the Trumpkin menagerie. Just imagine their consternation last Friday when they got up and discovered they still had health care. Big Daddy Orange, McTurtle, and Paul “Fountainhead” Ryan weren’t able to keep their promise to the faithful MAGA-heads that “they have the right to die penniless due to health care bankruptcy.”

Just imagine the righteous Trumpkinesque anger over not keeping two womenzie-Senatorettes and a guy with brain cancer in line to vote for a simple thing like depriving 32-million people health care. Honestly, the shelf-life of bought politicians ain’t what it used to be.

To heap another insult on the orange loyalists, that cute little pocket-sized Pomade Pez dispenser, The Mooch, got the boot this week. How unfair! He is really the first person who spoke Oranganese in a manner the tried and true Trumpkins could understand – no words over four letters and always screeching like a howler monkey ordering peanuts from the cheap seats at a ballpark.

The Mooch was retired by that new Dolt “Chief-of-Staph”. General Kelly seems like a good choice to the Trumpkin hordes because he tried to outlaw the Mooselimbs. He was in charge of keeping us safe for a whole 27 minutes on that January Friday night way back when before those librul judicial buttinskies got their thobes in a wad.

When it comes to a pedigree, there’s not much wrong with General Kelly. Everyone talks about him like he is a half-priced golden doodle, but that kind of talk makes Trumpkins suspicious. If someone was that good, why in the hell would they work for a two-legged cantaloupe with liver spots?

The Trumquats all have a turd sideways about Gen. Kelly trying to take away Don Il Dumb’s tweeter machine. All the Trumquats agree it is the only way to reliably hear from their dear leader outside of the voices in their heads. If you asked the Trumquats how many people are on Don Il Dumb’s twitter list, they’d say it is between 20-30 Billion give or take a few Mooselimb Kenyans named Obama.

Speaking for myself, I want Gen. Kelly to leave the Mango Macaque alone when it comes to the tweeter machine. Let him tweet. First, it’s additional evidence for the competency hearing; and two, I sleep a little better thinking he might have opposable thumbs.

If that wasn’t enough, the Trumpkins then got all torqued up by the efforts to besmirch the hallowed name of Fox News reporters. It seems as though there was a little problem with a story about a murder in Washington, D.C. and Fox reported about it. It now appears they got some aspects of the story wrong. Like all of it.

That nice man Sean Spicer tried to help Fox with the story by editing it or spell checking it or something like that. He had them come over to the White House and sit with him because he’s always been so very helpful to reporters. Just like his suit coats, Spicey just wasn’t a good fit for his job. You know what they say, “If it don’t fit, that’s another SNL skit.”

Then yesterday the Trumquats had a “come to Mueller” moment when it was revealed he is throwing a grand jury party in D.C. and lots of Trumpies are going to be invited. The Trumquats shouldn’t get their catheters clogged over this because a grand jury is a natural progression in this Coen brothers movie, No Country for Old Sin.

What should worry the Trumquats is that Mueller, like a big cat, is playing with his food. Great prosecutors and let there be no doubt, Mueller is a great prosecutor, like to mess with the minds of potential defendants and their attorneys. No one is talking about this on the teevee, but why would this grand jury information be conveniently leaked the day before Dolt goes on vacay? As they say, “Nothing so wonderfully focuses one’s mind as a hanging.”

Finally, the Trumpbots are most heartened by a Commander-in-Chief, who despite his disability of Vietnam disqualifying bone spurs (the bestest bone spurs the world has ever known), roughing it in a real dump like the White House. The Trumpbots naturally feel sorry for Don Il Dumb or anyone who has to live in a house without the mobility wheels provide.

Now that I’ve insulted everyone with this feeble attempt at satire, I want to leave you with a personal note. I’m taking a step back from contributing here. When I first started writing it was never meant to be in perpetuity. After well over 400 posts it is time to step back and give it a rest.

Thanks to everyone for their patience with my pedantic ways, thanks to MB with affording me this opportunity, and Fredster for all his support and technical expertise.

Good things are on the horizon.

Take care and what’s on your mind today?

 


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