The Widdershins

Posts Tagged ‘McConnell

Just six seconds, please play.

 

That was McTurtle about 2:00 a.m. Friday morning. He was not amused at the reappearance of the mavericky ways of Sen. McMaverick.

Amazingly, it was just a mere eight hours or so after Sen. McMaverick, the Lady Lindsey, and RoJo (Dodo – Cheeseland) called a press conference to say, “We hate this hateful bill that we are hating on because we hate it so much we can’t hate it near enough, therefore, we hate it that we can’t hate it more because we only have so much hate to go around, but, we are going to vote for it if Paul Ryan sends us a note saying he hates it too.”

McTurtle’s “shellacking” came only a couple of hours after releasing the text of cobbled together legislation affecting one-fifth of the economy. Mind you these legislative scions wrote the bill after lunch so they could give it the full attention it deserved.

Meanwhile, The Mooch was exhibiting textbook June bug craziness in keeping with his amalgam of hummingbird/mako shark/honey badger genetics. His characteristic enthusiasm was directed toward the orange man baby he’s tending these days instead of his own baby born last Monday while Dolt 45 was corrupting the Boy Scout Jamboree.

The days of Rancid Penis being 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue’s most expensive fly wrangler mercifully ended Friday. In bidding adieu, Rancid said he was going “To spend more time with his family.” When contacted, his family said, “Don’t bother.”

With this crazy Dolt Administration just hanging on by a thread, it is a wonder Newt Gingrich isn’t trying to divorce it.

Rest assured, no matter how crazy this week seemed — it will get crazier. There is no bottom for these lunatics.

In a moment of fleeting optimism, Machiavelli said, “Always assume incompetence before looking for conspiracy.” Having faced all manner of immorality, Machiavelli never envisioned Dolt & Sons, Grifters Extraordinaire — conspiratorial incompetents serving Mother Russia since 2000.

Here are some “CRAZY” songs, but don’t be constrained by just music or “craziness” as a theme. Feel free to post anything you want — tweets, jokes, songs, or stories about adorable new puppies.

 

 

 

 

This is a gaping maw of an open weekend thread for self-care and maintenance of our mental health. Giddy up!

 

Yes, we tan!

Remember the picture on the right? Remember what a sensational scandal that was? “Yes we tan.” It ran on a loop on the Fox Ailes-o-vision for weeks. Good times!

By now you’ve seen the rant by “The Mooch”.  He was a reject from MTV’s Jersey Shore because of his lack of sophistication. The producers decided to go more upscale with the genteel steroidal “The Situation” and a puking drunken Snooki.

Like all instances of world-class stupidity, The Mooch seemed to get a jump-start. While this is just an opinion, it wouldn’t be a surprise if The Mooch had convenient nose attachments for hoovering up unsightly mounds of Colombian cha-cha powder. Just think: The consummate twofer – cleanliness plus manic jags to contemplate Steve Bannon pleasuring himself in Cirque du Soleil style.

The dysfunction he represents isn’t a fish rotting from the head. This White House is one of those fermenting, beached whales rotting itself into an IEC – interspecies exploding carcass. It’s now too tiresome to even engage in the threadbare apothegm of, “What if it was a Democrat?”

Jim Collins is unsurpassed as an author on leadership and management. He writes based upon scientific research animated with anecdotal examples. One of his more famous observations is:

The old adage that people are your most important asset is wrong. People are not your most important asset. The right people are. We found that the great leaders got the right people on the bus, the wrong people off the bus, and the right people in the right seats on the bus. Then they decided where to drive the bus.

The personnel of this White House are made in the image of their coppery-hued leader – they are dolts, ignoramuses who are enjoying the pinnacle of their incompetence. To pick up on Jim Collins’ metaphor, this White House bus has two stops – the first at the home for the criminally insane and the second at the penitentiary for the insanely criminal.

Who could be surprised? This orange phlegm from a thrice used Kleenex is an abomination. He has assembled a coterie of weak-minded slugs better suited for long aimless strolls while muttering “made another grunt again” – MAGA for short.

Bannon conducting West Wing Staph training…

There is open warfare among administration personnel. Personally, pissing on that racist garden gnome Sessions makes no difference to me. Sessions hanging on by his percale sheet is just delaying the inevitable constitutional crisis on the horizon.

What is worrisome is this: Do you think the likes of Rick Perry or Betsy Devos are ever going to take a principled stand on any issue given the treatment of Sessions? Pruitt is out looking for ways to pollute, Zinke is threatening Alaska, and Rexxon is listening to the echoes of an empty State Department. We passed lawlessness about ten miles back – these people might as well have Cyrillic labels, “Putin’s automatons for crippling America.”

And on the other end of the alimentary canal known as Pennsylvania Avenue, old crusty hangers for colostomy bags called Senators proclaimed, “We hate this law so much we are voting yes.” Fortunately, three Republicans put a shiv into McTurtle while pouring kerosene over his shell and torching him.

For all that is right and holy, if these people weren’t so ghoulish and jacked-up looking, this would be like living in an Inception world.

There is no need to belabor this confederacy of doltish dunces, but I want to leave you on a positive note.

Since August of last year, I’ve been sharing my thoughts about the Umber Ulceration’s behavioral characteristics. You have listened patiently and courteously.

As I have said, Dolt 45 gets every ounce of his self-esteem from the way others see him. His reason for being is to perpetuate his illusory stature. Every waking moment is but another scene in the epic stage play that is his life.

During the G20 I noticed two things – both of them were instances of Dolt bottoming for Putin. Once was the handshake where Dolt bottomed and the other was Dolt walking around the massive table to go sit at the feet of Putin during the dinner. Dolt was the subservient submissive partner in both acts.

So what? In Dolt’s ghost written books he made mention of both practices calling them weak and for losers. So whatever Putin has on Dolt, it is of sufficient quality to cause Dolt to suffer ignominious public debasement by his own volition. It must be of sufficient weight to cause this tub of Orange Offal to deviate from his 70-year charade. As has been amply demonstrated this week, neither Dolt nor anyone working for him is deft enough to conceal it much longer.

What’s on your mind today?

For your entertainment, a little known Jersey Shore audition video — don’t know if it is The Mooch.

 

 

Filmishmish is an Arabic term meaning “in the time of the apricots” or “when the apricots bloom”, which is something akin to the English phrase “when pigs fly.” It seems as if we Progressive Democrats live in the time of apricots. We are filmishmish flotsam.

Let’s review where we are. With the Republican Party skulking behind closed doors cooking up the greatest transfer of wealth in human history from the poorest, oldest, and sickest to the richest Americans, what are Democrats doing?

Like zombies in the express lane of the lobotomy clinic drive-thru, one set of Democrats are shuffling around mumbling about a special election in a Republican +20 district in Georgia. While another set of self-serving insurrectionists are trying to depose Nancy Pelosi. Yet another set is second-guessing and flirting with Trumpian populism masquerading as BernieBroism. And not to be forgotten, we have the Alt-Left cross-pollinating with the Alt-Right, thereby erasing any semblance of a difference.

Here’s the deal – the loss in Georgia wasn’t the end of the world. Losing sucks. I hate losing, but a win in Georgia would have been the equivalent of a sugar high to a diabetic – dangerous and injurious to our long-term health.

Let’s break it down. First and foremost, Democrats, while losing, are over-performing in these special elections. There is a good piece by Dave Wasserman, no Democratic fluffer, in the nonpartisan Cook Political Report. The report centers on the Partisan Voter Index which measures each district by the spreads in the last two presidential races relative to the nation as a whole.

The Voter Index for the five special elections this year equates to over-performance by the Democrats of 8 points. If Democrats were to over-perform in the 2018 mid-terms at that rate, the Democrats would pick up 80 seats.

Eighty seats!

Realistically, that isn’t going to happen since incumbents are going to be more firmly entrenched than special election nominees, but Democrats are in a strong position in 2018. In fact, we are in a much stronger position than Republicans were in 2010 or 2014.

Democrats allowed the Georgia “expectations game” to froth up into a bad case of hydrophobia. The political consultants sold a bill of goods. There was plenty of money to support the wrong conclusions. The truth no one wanted to believe was this: Hillary was the high water mark for Democrats in the district. Surprise! Hillary was a good candidate. Hillary lost the district by 1½% and a presidential race is always of higher concern than a congressional contest.

That is not to say Ossoff was a bad candidate, but he looked like he just asked his daddy to borrow the car for an after school math club meeting. He didn’t live in the district allowing him to be “otherized” as “not one of us”. Catnip to the tribal instincts of the district.

This brings us to the next major point – tribalism. The base of the Republican Party is full-blown tribalistic and ethnocentric. As such they are enthralled by authoritarianism. Dolt 45 scratches that itch.

Here is a piece of long journalism on tribal epistemology. The frightening aspect of tribalism is that truth is no longer operative. There is no fact outside what is good for the tribe. Hypocrisy is suspended. It is no longer offensive if it furthers the tribal cause. The world exists in terms of “us” versus “them”. The “others” threaten the tribe. It is not enough to defeat the “others,” they must be annihilated.

When you overlay the Republican tribal mentality against the failures of Dolt 45 and his merry band of henchmen, a monumental case of counter-intuitive logic appears like Stonehenge out of the mist.

The tangelo wearing a kangaroo stretch scrotum continues to hold his base because he hasn’t done anything yet. He’s signed some fancy press statements about thinking about doing things, but he has not yet done anything. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

Not until the dissonance occurs between promises and actions will the tribe fall out of like with his Orangeness. For instance, let’s say twenty million people lose health care so that one million rich people can get a tax cut. That is liable to cause more than a little economic angst to creep into the tribal zeitgeist. So much for economic populism.

This is why the Georgia loss is a positive development. Anything that builds confidence for an agenda that has no constituency is blowing smoke up the all too receptive sphincter of the orange biopsy. Likewise, Custer didn’t lose sleep over worrying about overconfidence.

Folks, Dolt 45 hasn’t yet been presidenting for six months. He’s supremely talented at turning everything he touches to crap, but even he needs the time to do it in world-class fashion. Perhaps the season of Filmishmish is upon us, but no pigs fly before their time.

What’s on your mind today?

 

 

 

Overheard at the Widdershin water cooler this week – we are fed up with: (A) Anthropological stories about down-on-their-luck rural Trump voters; (B) Blind hypocrisy by Republicans; and (C) Craven, cowardly, chicken-hearted Democrats.

No can of Pepsi delivered by a Kardashian will cure these ills, but if you can tolerate the next 600 words, what’s say we start a conversation about it?

Everyone and their dog have written about the poor rural Trump voter. You’d think they are forgotten indigenous tribes being described by Sir Stanley as he plundered the jungles of Appalachia looking for Livingstone. The money-shot quotes are as cheap and unrevealing as assisted living porn.

Capturing a chronically ill Trump voter is crazy good copy, but it does nothing to explain the highest truth of political science: Humans are complex creatures.

Stories about individual voting patterns are useless. They are not actionable. People may vote on God, guns, or gays. They may vote based upon what they divine from chicken entrails. Who knows? You can’t divorce someone from their experiential data. You can try to expand it by education, but you can’t bleach an imprinted brain.

For instance, we can accurately say 2 out of 3 of these woebegone Trump voters believe “discrimination has become just as large a problem for white people as it has for blacks and other minorities.” We can also accurately say such a belief is highly correlated to bigotry and racism, but that doesn’t mean everyone who voted for Trump is a racist.

Keeping two competing truisms in one brain at the same time is impossible for many people. It can result in exploding heads, but realizing such complexity is just the beginning of trying to understand voting patterns.

I live amongst Trump voters. My county went 80% for Trump. They aren’t all unemployed ignorant hillbilly coal miners. While some are, if you asked the vast majority, they believe the “liberal media” portrays them that way. There is no chance of starting a conversation around those two data points.

Likewise, I catch myself in perpetual agony over Republican hypocrisy until I remind myself, “Those who ride high horses are always above hypocrisy.”

For instance, there is no Republican guilt over 78 filibusters in the first five years of the Obama administration compared to only 68 in the entire previous history of the country.

The most recent act of hypocrisy doesn’t even seem to register. During the Obama years, almost 100 Republican members of Congress threatened impeachment if he dared attack Syria. Then Dolt 45 chucks $80 Million in cruise missiles closing an abandoned airfield for about twelve hours and it is time for ticker tape and Mt. Rushmore sculpting. Obama was excoriated for following the Constitution and Dolt 45 basks in his glistening orangey-ness.

Which leads us to the feckless Democrats who always seem to find a chicken-hearted way to react? The Gorsuch debacle is a prime example.

Utah acne cream model and Senator Mike Lee implied that Justices Kagan and Sotomayor are wild-eyed liberals. Of course, nothing could be farther from the truth, but this, like so many other issues, demonstrates how unanswered hyperbole sets the narrative.

Republican appointees to the Supreme Court have been so far to the right you can’t even see the center from where they are perched. Proof of this: Justice Kennedy is the swing vote and he’s one of the most conservative justices in the history of the court.

Mitch McConnell has broken the Senate in an ultimate power play after denying Merrick Garland so much as a hearing or a vote. Such an act will rank up there in all time political slime, but he did it because he could.

Democrats have made it easy for Republicans to beat them like rented mules. There is no punishment for a Manchin or Heitkamp other than the broken legs they get from jumping to the Republican side on issues. There is no punishment for a non-Democrat to waltz into a Democratic primary and harm the eventual nominee.

Because of this behavior voters see one party as definitive and the other as milquetoast. Republicans take incredibly asinine positions, but they stake out ground for their voters and never look back. Democrats bathe everything in lukewarm timidity. As my old boss once told me, “In politics if you try to get away with being half-assed, you aren’t even good at being an ass.” I wish more Democrats understood that.

This brings us full circle – when it comes to voters, you can’t replace catnip with broccoli and expect the same result. Democrats are coming to understand that, but the understanding is being driven by the grassroots. We need to keep it up. Call congressional offices. Write letters. It makes a difference.

What’s on your mind today?

 

 

 

From Anne Rice’s book, The Witching Hour:spork

Give me a man or woman who has read a thousand books and you give me an interesting companion. Give me a man or woman who has read perhaps three and you give me a very dangerous enemy indeed.

Our White House is chocked full of dangerous enemies. I doubt Dolt 45 has ever read a book.  Of the two power brokers, Steve Bannon and Steve Miller, or Steve Squared, Bannon has undoubtedly cracked more books than the dead-eyed, zombified Miller, but their coming of age is almost identical.

According to acquaintances, Bannon changed after 2001.  He came to embrace eras of historical significance divvied-up into 20-year increments of “highs, awakenings, unraveling, and crises.”  To quote one of Bannon’s 2008 films, “History is seasonal, and winter is coming.”

The Miller part of Steve Squared was an enfant terrible calling into conservative talk radio while still in high school in the early aughts.  He bragged to conservative audiences of cracking the whip on laggardly high school janitorial staff. A graduate of U.S. Senator and ambulatory garden gnome Jefferson Beauregard Sessions’ tutelage, there is no better description of Miller than this:little-trump

In any other Republican administration, Miller would have been lucky to land a second-tier job at a third-tier agency.  But in the Trump White House, Miller stands out: He’s one of the few people in the president’s inner orbit who has actually worked in government.

And that my friends is the high water mark of what constitutes a policy shop for a petulant 70-year old who might or might not have successfully graduated from the Trump University of Potty Training given the reports of vodka-swilling, borscht-loving prostitutes.

Bannon and Miller are zealots. They are true believers – not of Trumpism for whatever that may turn out to be. They have spawned an apocalyptic philosophy of white national populism – the schizophrenic belief of a Judeo-Christian right to a 21st Century modernity of gadgets and gizmos nestled safely in a 1950’s culture where we are all employed by jobs last worked by our grandparents.

Empty vessels are the easiest filled. Barely 40-days in and this truism is proved by Flynn resigning due to canoodling with the Russians, a Secretary of the Navy, a Secretary of the Army, a Secretary of Labor, a Deputy Secretary of Commerce, and at least six White House staffers biting the curb because of non-existent vetting.  Hundreds of offices are unfilled without any hint of nominees.

Thank goodness Republicans don't engage in identity politics...

Thank goodness Republicans don’t engage in identity politics…

We have a rolling disclosure of Russians leaping like Baryshnikov to meet with campaign Trumpets. As of this writing, Flynn, Kushner, fruitcake Carter Page, J.D. Gordon, Walid Phares, and His Gnomeness Sessions, all met with the Russian ambassador Kislyak.

Then there is Michael Cohen, Trump’s lawyer, who is so squirrely his bushy tail twitches when he someone says, “nuts.”  Add to that Paul Manafort and you just need one more to field a baseball team, maybe the Chernobyl Reds who can play in the majorly radioactive league.  The nagging question is this: Why the concerted effort to conceal these meetings?

Given these people’s intellectual challenges, they would be safer if they ate their meals with sporks since they are absolutely unfettered by their cluelessness of what they don’t know. The two people who are dancing on Occam’s razor, hoping against hope that Dolt 45’s signing pen doesn’t run out of ink are McTurtle and the doe-eyed Granny starver Ryan.

These two who worship power above all else are hoping that when the dust settles, their treasonous tryst will go unnoticed. And even if they are suspected of nefarious collusion, they will have accomplished their goal – tax cuts for the wealthiest among us. The 400 highest income earners in the country will get an average tax cut of about $7.0 Million a year for the low, low price tag of depriving health care to 21 Million.

congressional-hearingsOf course this pas de deux of the vacuous and the treasonous will culminate in a virtuoso of viperous Republican retribution. All in an effort to make good on the promise to the reliably hateful Republican/Tea Party voters to hurt those with less.

Overwhelming the already anemic media is part of the Steve Squared’s plan – not that overwhelming the media requires much effort. At least it appears that the Democrats are heeding the message to fight. It seems as if they finally understand there were no rewards for working with Dubya or no punishment for eight years of Republican obstruction.

It seems as if the Intelligence Community is our last bastion of protection. I follow a few former intelligence officers on Twitter and I perked right up when one said quite unequivocally that Dolt 45 will spend his last years in prison. They use sporks there too.

What’s on your mind today?

 


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