The Widdershins

Posts Tagged ‘MAD

Released on: April 18, 2017, 9:01 am (EDT)
Author: Prolixous
Industry: Fashion Press Release

38th Parallel, DMZ, South Korean side — /M.A.D./ — From the world’s greatest designer lacking both perspective and a hint of humility, comes Don Saint l’Orange, who is thrilled to announce the Spring 2017 opening of MADwear – Mission Accomplished Duds.

This is not virginal MADness. The world has seen Mission Accomplished Duds before. These are the duds for the man who longs for big things that come easily to those who have long toiled in the vineyards of wealth and privilege. MADwear gear was first spotted on a carrier dick deck in 2003.  Fast forward to yesterday with Powder body double and Oedipal Complex support group dropout, Mike Pence, sporting a MADwear bomber jacket as he squinted longingly and menacingly toward North Korea.

Don St. l’Orange, much like all things in his life, retroactively appropriated the design and recently sported the gear on his bulbous rind. After he went missing and a Golden Alert was issued, Don l’Orange was found roaming the naval carrier Gerald R. Ford. When told about the Golden Alert, DoLo wondered aloud, “Will there be pee?” and “I thought Carrier made air conditioners.”

You may know DoLo by his other sobriquets – the Incredible Papaya Limpet and the Vermillion Versace, but he is best known in the business world for being an unmitigated FOCKer (Fiend of Carbon Kibitzing).

MADwear is thrilled to announce the opening of its e-tail shop with its inaugural photo shoot, MADness Amid Chaos.  DoLo has always coveted e-tail and wanted to take advantage of its vulnerability by grabbing it. Along with rot gut wine and inedible offal marketed as steak, the shop will feature MADness as a wearable metaphor for the pre-dementia psychopathic narcissist living out a lifelong fascination with strong military-types. MADwear is homage to these “manly men” and the supple brown, Barcalounger pleather bomber jacket is a natural follow-up to the original jumpsuit codpiece sported by the unmanscaped raging Bush.

Based in Mexicali, Mexico, MADwear showcases a unique clothing perspective by providing Duds for Dudes (Duds for Duds will be a subsequent marketing push).  Just as the MAD jackets are reversible, so is the name — Duds Accomplishing Missions Naturally (DAMN) is a brother label and given the fraternal bro popularity, the movement has become known as DAMNation. 

Says owner l’Orange, “our MADness Amid Chaos photo shoot is a metaphor for how treasonous incompetence can masquerade as persimmon perfidy only until the spring when the pleather rash blooms. Without fail, 2017 will be a year of MADness — a fashion forewarned trend.”

Please note:  MADwear does not own the trademark to Mutually Assured Destruction and any similarity to the elements of thermonuclear war are entirely coincidental.

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The launch codes have been entered and all we can do is stop, drop, duck, and cover.

It ‘s weird to watch teevee like this…

For the next ninety days we are going to be witness to MAD — mutually assured destruction between President Obama and Gov. Romney.  If you like dystopian science fiction — sit back, hydrate, and ration your Twizzlers and Raisinettes — this is going to be an ugly three months.

It seems as though when Geppetto created Gov. Romney — he used some type of uncommon wood with an extraordinarily large amount of bark.  In fact, bark seems to be the primary ingredient of Romney as Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Perry can all attest since they were the targets of this bark’s bite during the Clown College Reunion that doubled as the Republican Primary.

Then we have President Obama giving the launch codes to David Axelrod who is as discriminating about their use as a hungry “used car salesman moonlighting as a fry cook” (which by the way is exactly what Axelrod reminds me of).

The first two salvoes have been, let’s say, indelicate and uncharitable — nice southern descriptors of two ads that could peel paint at forty paces.  First, there was the Obama Super PAC ad by this year’s version of Joe the Plumber, Joe Soptic the Steelworker, who was a victim of a Bain “drive-by adventure in capital extraction and creative destruction.”  It would have been okay at that point, but Axelrod wanted to add some tactical nuclear tonnage by trying to tie the loss of his job, to the loss of insurance, to his wife’s cancer, to her going undiagnosed, to her eventual unfortunate death.  That’s more leaps than Rafalca faced in the Olympics especially since Romney had taken his leave from Bain at the time of most of these events.

Then there was retaliation by the Romney empire with the now infamous “welfare” ad.  This one upped the ante in my book — it is one tick away from reciting the thread count of the sheets at the nearest linen white sale.  It accuses a DHS waiver giving states more leeway in administering “workfare” as the ultimate plot in the President’s socialist agenda — taking the work out of workfare.  The ad seems to be the brainchild of Newt Gingrich who continues to have visions of welfare queens dancing in this head.  It is a textbook example of the politics of resentment — we are going to be seeing lots of it in the coming months.

What does all this bode for our future?  One thing for sure — we are in for a nuclear winter no matter who wins.  The polarization will be driven so deep we will have to have a natural gas driller engaged in fracking to even approach the depth of divide.

And don’t be surprised if you see some fragging on both sides of this fight — shooting from behind by one’s own

Did you say the ads were over?

soldiers.  We’ve already seen examples — Harry Reid, who has always thought Obama was too meek, weak, and accommodating, threw the “somebody told me” grenade of Romney hasn’t paid taxes in ten years.

Then Wednesday night, Ann Coulter unhinged her jaw and almost swallowed Sean Hannity (the dumbest man to have ever been paid to talk on teevee) — declaring it is a waste of time to work for Romney if he’s going to have morons working and speaking for him.

Then add to this combustible mix the “mad tri-corner hatters” of the Tea Party — which is the equivalent of hiring a chain smoking arsonist as a night watchmen at a fireworks factory.  With the likes of Michele Bachmann, Rand Paul, Jim DeMint, and Steve King — the Congressional Cloakrooms are going to be the new testing labs for air bags.  These folks will blow things up for the mere fun of watching it burn as long as they are in the teevee shot.

So my friends, stock up on Twizzlers and MREs — and remember, it is always darkest right before everything goes totally black since there’s going to be little hope for any positive change in the next ninety days.

This is an “all skate” open thread.


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