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Posts Tagged ‘Kasich

Trump Debate

Last Tuesday was quite a day.  Morning broke with Trump implicating Ted Cruz’s father in the Kennedy assassination.  It seems Trump unearthed information from where the Warren Commission never thought to look – the front page of The National Enquirer.

We then witnessed Ted Cruz perform an auto-splenectomy on live television.  During a fifteen minute conniption fit, he sputtered and spewed.  Spleenless, he found it too difficult to go on and he quit the race, but not before almost sending his wife, Heidi, to the mat for a nine-count.  Not once, but twice.

Then we saw John Kasich and his electroshock coiffure quit.  Usually when someone bows out in front of their supporters, there are cries and whimpering of, “No, don’t, oh, no, no.”  Sadly, for Kasich there were crickets – mute crickets – mute crickets wrapped in sound-dampeners.  It was almost as if people were thinking, “Well this took long enough!”

Left standing was Trump in all his orange-hued glory.  The Grand Old Party suddenly became the “Party of Trump” or “PoT”.  How did the Republicans go to PoT?  What went wrong?

There are theories aplenty about the Trump plague.  There are the unsurprising and completely expected “surprising things Trump has revealed about America.”

There is the craziness of the “Trump nihilism” of:  Burn it all down!  Burn it to hell because I don’t have an 85 inch teevee, an Uzi, and ringside WWE season tickets.

Trump Laughing StockWe are hearing about the things the Trumpeters believe.  For instance, 40% believe Obama is hiding something about his past.  Fifty-two percent believe vaccines cause autism.  As expected, 29% believe global warming is a myth.  As any good mainlining Fox News junkies would, a full 50% believe Hillary knew about the Benghazi attack beforehand and chose to do nothing.  Finally, and I find this ghastly, 21% of Trump supporters believe the Newtown massacre was faked.

Let that last one sink in for a moment.  One-fifth of Trump diehards believe twenty beautiful first graders are forever taken and hidden from their aggrieved and inconsolable families as part of a grand scheme to increase gun control.

We have heard from everyone and their dog that Trump’s ascension leaves the Republican Party in an identity crisis.  Such long-suffering punditry has the same erudite insightfulness as predicting the sun to set in the west.

But then I ran upon a chart.  It didn’t get much play, but it’s a chart, in my opinion, explaining Trump’s one-third of the Republican Party.  Here it is:

Trump Poll

When asked, “Is discrimination against whites as big a problem as discrimination against blacks and other minorities,” sixty-eight percent of Tea Partiers and sixty-four percent of all Republicans say, “I agree with that statement.”  Neither Independents nor Democrats join in this bizzarity.Trump Hate

For a pollster, this is a “worldview” question.  It suggests how respondents view their place in the world.  It is how Trump supporters view their world.  It also explains a large part of the PoT primary.

Instead of a typical political message of helping others, Trump’s success is grounded in a promise of “hurting them” – “hurting the others” whoever “they” might be.  Accordingly, anger and fear are self-confirming emotions never leading to self-awareness or discovery.  Trump is undeniably the quintessential leader for such followers.  Racism, like water, always finds its own level.

What’s on your mind today?

 

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Good morning Widdershins!  And a mighty fine morning it is.  It appears our gal has achieved the long coveted title of “presumptive nominee.”  But, just like a Z-pack having a five-day course of antibiotics, it appears the math is too hard for the BernBrains and it’s Philadelphia or bust.  Their hoverboards are already charging.

Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press

Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press

While the statement from BerningBum mentioned no way forward to the nomination, it came just hours after a scathing fundraising email from Jeff Weasel calling Hillary a traitor of some sort or another.  Apparently Gollum Weaver has been in a hobbit bad mood for the past 130 years.

Given the late hour, the rest of this post is going to be stream of consciousness.  Warning:  If you have a seatbelt, strap up or if you are a daytime drinker, might I suggest a double big gulp.

Here’s an edgy piece of writing that basically says to the BernieBros, “Pound sand – the Democratic Party doesn’t want or need your vote.”  Here is an excerpt I found equally enlightening and delightful by asking, “What is the problem?”

So if it’s not the issues and it’s not the person, what is it then? Is it the fact that you believe both parties are the same? Try telling that to the 4.3 million people in 22 states whose Republican governors are denying them Medicaid. Try telling that to the women in 22 states who have had new provisions put in place to limit access to abortion services. Try telling that to the transgender community who faces discrimination in North Carolina as well as seven other states considering bathroom bills denying this population basic human rights and dignity. Try telling that to low-income and minority voters who will face new voting restrictions in 17 states for the first time in a presidential election. Try telling that to environmentalists who have had research and development stalled thanks to an entire Republican Party that refuses to acknowledge man-made climate change. And try telling that to your fellow Americans who believe that immigrants and Muslims should not be discriminated against simply because of who they are, where they come from, and what they believe.

Trump's War Council...

Trump’s War Council…

The next article from the Wall Street Journal chronicles the Virginia county Trump carried with 70% of the vote as “The Place that Wants Donald Trump the Most.”  Here’s an excerpt:

His [Trump’s] wealth isn’t a put-off. County Sheriff Ray Foster, who supports Mr. Trump, says rich businessmen have long been well-liked around the county because “they make jobs for the people here.”

As for the imbroglios over Mr. Trump’s comments about women and his shifting views on abortion and foreign policy, which have driven up his negative ratings in national polls, they are generally seen here as a plus. They reinforce his outsider status.

“He talks before he thinks,” Mr. Foster says, “so he doesn’t have time to think up something and lie to you.”

Nothing can make America great again like relegating thought to a distant second after speaking incoherently for long periods of time.

The following article was interesting because it demonstrates the disconnection between emotion and logic.  Different groups were asked the question, “When was the last time America was great?”  Ironically, most Trump supporters, most Republicans, most Americans, and most Democrats said 2000.  What are the two centerpieces of 2000?  It was before 2001 and Bill Clinton was president.  The other thing I found interesting was that Republicans only seem to count in 5-year increments.Knight Chair throw

Today, Trump is going to get the endorsement of Bobby Knight.  Obviously this is some type of 11-dimensional chess ordinary humans can’t conceive since getting an endorsement from someone adding another ten or fifteen points to an unfavorability rating among women would ordinarily be seen as a bad thing.  Perhaps Bobby will coach Trump in the benefits of long periods of quiet contemplation or not.  Word to the wise:  Beware of flying chairs today.

The dynamic duo of Cruz and Kasich didn’t work too well.  Their agreement to team up in order to extinguish the Trumpster fire lasted almost 18 hours – eighteen whole hours – almost.  Now the Republican primary seems to be all about Hoosier-land – Honest-to-goodness, Indiana.  That last part is Indiana’s state motto – honest-to-goodness it is.

Ann Telnaes - The Washington Post

Ann Telnaes – The Washington Post

This last article is one I did not make up because I’m not blessed with such a glorious imagination.  Chuck Tingle is an erotica writer who is successful on Amazon.  He has penned a book, Feeling the Bern in My Butt, a hot and heavy commentary on 2016 Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders—if he were a gay socialist unicorn.  Told you, you can’t make stuff like that up.

What’s on your mind today?  Take the conversation in any direction you might want.

 

Good morning Widdershins.  This is going to be a different kind of post.  I figure you can read about Brussels without me regurgitating articles.  You already know the results of the mountain primaries with Hillary winning Arizona and Bernie taking Utah and Idaho.

What I’m offering up today is a condensed version of an article from The Weekly Standard.  No, I am not possessed.  The article is Debriefing Mike Murphy:  Why the Right Failed to Rise.  In essence, it is an exit interview with Mike Murphy who captained the $118 Million Titanic, the “Right to Rise” Super Pac.

The reason I offer this up, shortened from its 7,600 words, is that it’s funny and remarkably honest.  It is similar to things liberals say about the clown bus that is the Republican primary.  All the words, except the headings are from the article.

How the article came to be:Mike Murphy

I (the author Matt Labash) have come to Right to Rise, Jeb Bush’s $118 million super-PAC, to watch Mike Murphy and his crew pack it in.  That donor loot helped buy Jeb all of four delegates before he dropped from the race, returning to a quiet life of low-energy contemplation.  Murphy bellows a greeting and introduces me around to his crew, saying, “He’s here to write my political obituary!”

How did Murphy get to L.A. and Hollywood:

Murphy, an inveterate film buff, moved to Los Angeles a decade ago to dabble in screenwriting, partly to escape politics — which he calls “the lowest rung of show business.”

The office décor:

There are pictures of Jeb, of course, beaming beatifically while surrounded by smiling multicultural children. The Department of Ungentlemanly Warfare has posted photos they’ve dug up of other candidates in compromising positions, such as Chris Christie inhaling ice cream while looking like he’s storing four bags of doughnuts under his shirt.

The primaries countdown clock is now permanently set to zero. And next to it hangs a large Donald Trump piñata that is fitted with real Marco Rubio ankle-boots, the metrosexual atrocities Rubio was caught wearing that look like something Deney Terrio would sport on an old episode of Dance Fever. In a box nearby are the severed heads of previous Trump piñatas.

On the future:

Surveying his decommissioned troops, the 53-year-old general sighs with mock-wistfulness: “These people all used to have great careers in politics. .  .  . Now we’re going to Kinko’s to print off some résumés. We understand there’s a job fair at Quiznos.”

On other Murphy clients:

Murphy played a major role in assisting three losing presidential candidates (McCain, Lamar! Alexander, and Jeb!). If you again notice a theme, it’s that his presidential candidates sometimes seem more excited about their first names than the electorate does.

On advice he would give Jeb! now:

Though Murphy’s tongue is usually on a hair-trigger, he stops and ponders this question for a beat. He then says he would’ve told Jeb, “What the f — were we thinking?”

On retiring from politics:Right to Rise Dollahs

Murphy’s been threatening to quit politics for good since at least the early aughts, hoping to find more reputable employment, “like opening a dog track — nicer class of people.”

Murphy’s nickname for this political season:

The Year of the Howling Moron

The one precondition to doing the interview:

Murphy laid down only one precondition: “That you put in this piece that The Weekly Standard has become a Rubio-Love Spank Mag — and Kristol can’t cut it!”

Read the rest of this entry »

Good afternoon Widdershins.

The one in heels is Marco Rubio. The one with the Larry Craig wide stance is Ted Cruz.

The one in heels is Marco Rubio. The one with the Larry Craig wide stance is Ted Cruz.

How about a debate?  Well, I have some good news for you.  Tonight, for your viewing pleasure and intellectual consternation, we have yet another Republican talking hootenanny.

The festivities begin at 9:00 pm Eastern tonight.  The business porn channel of the One Percent, a/k/a the Fox Business Network, will televise the jamboree.  It will be streaming at FoxBusiness.com.

Like successful bedbug eradication, there will only be seven of the remaining twelve candidates in the main event — Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Jeb! Bush, and John Kasich.  That is the order in which they qualified under the more stringent polling guidelines (never too late for some standards).

The undercard, beginning at 6:00 pm Eastern, will be Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee, and Rick Santorum.  Rand Paul is boycotting with “boy” being the operative word.

People were lined up early in S.C. for tonight's debate...

People were lined up early in S.C. for tonight’s debate…

People are saying this field of candidates resembles the end of any Tarantino movie where everyone is pointing a gun at everybody else.  There are likely to be two main battles – Trump v. Cruz, and everyone else v. Rubio.

The Trump v. Cruz intellectual fisticuffs will have the depth of a dime store mirror:

Trump:  Canadian bacon ain’t real bacon.

Cruz:  Why do you think they call New York the “Big Apple” – its values are no better than the original sin.

The everyone else v. Rubio bout promises to be more entertaining.  There’s the attack from the Trump stooge, Roger Stone, who says:  “Marco Rubio has never run anything. I’m not sure he could run a bath.”

There’s also the possibility of some sort of choral sing-along:  “These boots are made for flippin’ and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days young Marco’s gonna flip, flop, flip on you.”

Just like the Republican candidates -- chasing the orange hair, err hare...

Just like the Republican candidates — chasing the orange hair, err hare…

All this frivolity will be coming to us from the Palmetto State.  It was the eighth state to ratify the Constitution and the very first state to ratify the Articles of the Confederacy.  What can I say, South Carolina is like that drunk fraternity rushee who signs a bunch of pledge cards – just a natural-born joiner.

South Carolina also has a Lake Strom Thurmond named after its racist, philandering senator of nearly fifty years.  It’s the only known domestic lake entirely comprised of whitewater.

We will be live blogging the debate tonight.  Please stop by and bring your tongue-sharpeners.  Leave your good manners and discretion at the door, it will be free-flowing snark all around.

See you around 9:00 pm Eastern.

 

Reagan Library

It’s that time again!  It is time for the quadrennial hajj to Simi Valley, California, to pay homage to Ronaldus Maximus – seer, sage, and believer of ketchup as a vegetable.  In addition to the four-year butt itch that comes from this spectacle, there will be an umrah as well.  An umrah is a non-mandatory “come with” kinda pilgrimage.

The call to worship for the main hajj will be this evening at 8:00 EDT with the umrah children’s table being two hours earlier at 6:00.  The umrah could prove to be entertaining with Lady Lindsey serving early tea to George, Rick, and Piyush (Pataki, Santorum, and Jindal).  Reports these four will be wearing mau maus with Thank You for Being a Friend from the Golden Girls playing in the background are unconfirmed.

CNN Libary DebateThe physical format will be the same as the scene from the Twilight Zone – you know the one where the monster is on the wing of the plane.  The difference here is that there will be eleven googly-eyed miscreants mumbling “Raygun, Raygun, Raygun” whilst they pee a little bit in their men’s Depends from the excitement of breathlessly yattering his holy name.

Someone will be missing from these festivities and his passing definitely merits a drive-by booting.  Last Friday evening, Rick “Pretty Hair” Perry and his wonderful, most marvelously superb glasses climbed up on the vet’s table and promptly euthanized his mongrel campaign.

Pretty Hair Perry was at a loss as to why his campaign hadn’t blown up like an uninspected Texas warehouse full of ammonium nitrate.  He seems to think a large part of his personal non-combustibility is due to his 2012 back surgery leading up to his famous “Oops” moment.Rick Perry

A fair enough assessment given the fact that Pretty Hair’s back surgery was an unapproved stem cell infusion of his own arse-goo by a friend who ran a medical day spa and had never before done the procedure.  The Oopsmeister’s aggressive use of opiates to heighten his pre-existing dullness probably didn’t help matters.  In any event, may his glasses rest in peace otherwise the mega-donors wanting their money back might be wearing them sometime soon.

Tucked away in a corner of Ventura County (named after Jessie I’m sure), the stomp-worthy weasels of the main hajj will miss Pretty Hair and have to settle for fixating upon Forrest Trump’s pate of the finest, kangaroo scrotum hair money can buy.

One thing for sure, someone is going to find a metaphorical shiv between their third and fourth ribs.  These presidential inmates are all going to be defensive.  They will claim Raygun was a playah; thereby, making him their long-lost daddy.  They will adopt the Reaganesque concept of a “welfare queen” as their mother since none of them were hatched into households with indoor plumbing.  And by the gods of Lincoln Republicanism, they were second year MBA or law students before they could afford shoes.

While their podiums will be made from the finest laminated plywood, it will pale in comparison to the wood they will be sporting behind the podiums as they lovingly call out Raygun’s name as if in the ecstasy of conservative carnal copulation (you know, the good kind of sex that can only occur in the bedroom or church choir loft).   Rest assured, as they pander and grunt, we will hear nary a word about Ronaldus awarding amnesty to 3 million undocumented aliens.

Ronaldus MaximusLikewise, there won’t be a whimper about his Medicaid expansion or raising taxes eleven times while tripling the deficit.  No one will remember his calling the old Soviet Union an “evil empire,” whilst he went right ahead negotiating with them.  And good Nancy almighty, no one will mention when Raygun, as California ”gubnor”,  signed the nation’s most liberal abortion law before Roe v. Wade gave sexless hyenas a reason to live.

None of these facts will be mentioned, but you can bet you’ll hear “trust, but verify” so often you’ll think the Gipper had whispered it into the uteri from whence these wankers sprang.

You will hear Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Scott Walker, John Kasich, Bobby Jindal, Rick Santorum, and others wax poetic about how, at any moment, Raygun will roll back the stone from his tomb and just before ascending to the heavens strapped onto an ICBM missile he will pronounce the Afro-Kenyan in the White House an apostate.skateboarding

In case you haven’t seen CNN in the last six months where the the debate commercials have debate commercials, the event is tonight.  We will be live blogging the event, so tell your friends and come on by.  It should be entertaining in the same way bot fly removal is a fast growing spectator sport.

In any event you can be sure about this:  A dozen or so of these candidates would have a far more productive evening if they visited the Skateboarding Hall of Fame, which also happens to be in Simi Valley, and learned the intricacies of navigating a half-pipe as opposed to smoking one.

As always, your comments and thoughts on any subject are encouraged and anticipated.


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Kellyanne Conway’s new job

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Take the kids to work? NO!

3 turds control fate of healthcare for millions

That moment when *your* pussy gets grabbed

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