The Widdershins

Archive for February 25th, 2020

It’s tonight. I can’t believe there are still so many people left in the race!

Let’s refresh ourselves about who is still clinging on to hope running for President as a Democrat.

The real front-runners:

Biden: Though he’s 78, and his campaign consists of a noun, a verb and Barack Obama, he is still the most unifying candidate we have. He’s bouncing back after Liz destroyed Bloomie in the last debate.

Sanders: Just…hell no. His latest bonehead move: defending Castro on 60 Minutes and causing the Florida Democratic Party to be put in the position of disavowing dictatorships. Totally cool and totally normal for a Democratic candidate, right? Oh yeah, and now Biden is starting to bring receipts that will damage Shouty McWavyFinger with the base.

And the rest:

Warren: Hey there Liz! Time to turn that firepower on Sanders now. After that, please bow out so we can stop feeling the Bern.

Bootyjudge: Sorry Mayo Pete, your time in the sun is over. You are at 0% with the base. Go home, run for rep or Senator and come back when you can grow a mustache.

Steyer: Seriously dude? How much did you pay to come in 99th? You even stole Kamala Harris’ SC data and you’re still running far behind Biden and Sanders in that state. Time to say buh-bye.

Bloomie: Thanks for attacking Bernie. You can do that from the sidelines, you schmuck.

Gabbard: How do you say “You’ll never be VP” in Hindu?

Klobuchar: It would be nice to think she had a chance, but she has failed to make a strong showing in any of the first three states. She should stay in the Senate where they need her.

I’m going to leave you with this oldie but goodie from Sanders. See you in the comments!



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