The Widdershins

Lazy Weekend~A visit with an old friend

Posted on: May 25, 2019

Florida Man (Homo floridiensis) h/t to Quixote!

Good weekend and Memorial Day weekend Widdershins

Instead of the usual and typical Memorial Day post I’ve done in the past I thought we might take a look at what’s going on with our friend down in the southernmost state.

Apparently he has become a genuine actual phenomenon as you can see here:

Florida Man is an Internet meme, popularized in 2013, in which the phrase “Florida Man” is taken from multiple unrelated news articles describing various actual people who hail from or live in Florida. Internet users typically submit links to news stories and articles about unusual or strange crimes or events occurring in Florida, particularly those where “Florida Man” is mentioned in the headline and has been wreaking havoc. The meme calls attention to Florida’s supposed notoriety for strange and unusual events. Miami New Times noted that freedom of information laws in Florida make it easier for journalists to obtain information about arrests from the police than in other states and that this is responsible for the large number of news articles.

[snip]

The meme has widely been seen as a confirmation of the association between Florida and bizarre or humorous activity, and it has been compared to the Darwin Awards.

 

* * * *

Okay this one was from last year but I still think it’s funny.

In news that could only have come from Florida, one Jacksonville gas station owner became “sick and tired” of locals using his microwave to warm their urine.

Those coming into the station to use the microwave were allegedly not customers, but instead, were suspected to have been en route to a nearby drug testing facility.

Indeed, a LabCorp and Quest Diagnostics are both within walking distance of the gas station. Although a spokesperson for Quest Diagnostics alleges that their facility does not engage in drug testing, LabCorp has remained silent on the matter.

He described one such incident in which the culprit was so desperate to microwave her urine that she starting “cussing” and replied: “Well, where is the sign that says you can’t use this for this kind of purpose?”

Oh those clever drug addicts!

* * *

On Nov. 6, when staff members at a Florida alligator farm entered a crocodile enclosure and saw two floating Croc shoes and discarded clothing, they were worried.

The employees at the Alligator Farm Zoological Park in St. Augustine, Fla. did not see a victim in the enclosure but did soon find a trail of blood that reached the top of the 20-foot enclosure. According to the Florida Times-Union, they alerted police right away.

Police solved the mystery rather quickly after arresting 23-year-old Brandon Hatfield nearby. Someone had already called 911 and reported a bloody man stripped down to his underwear crawling through a local woman’s yard. Surveillance video taken at the enclosure during the time of the break-in also revealed that Hatfield had entered the park at around 7:45 p.m. on Nov. 5 and spent four hours in the exhibit.

In the arrest report for Hatfield, an officer noted that Hatfield was sitting on the bank of the pool when a crocodile latched onto his foot. Hatfield then frantically began trying to fight off the crocodile and eventually managed to get away.

Before staff members at the Alligator Farm Zoological Park were even aware of the break-in, a neighbor in the area called police after they saw a suspicious man “doing a slow, creeping crawl” across her property. The crawling man turned out to be Hatfield, who’d apparently lost his clothes in his nighttime swim and was now nursing crocodile bite injuries.

“There’s a man with only gym shorts crawling,” the caller said. “He’s just crawling with his shorts halfway down his [butt] and no other clothes.”

Is it the heat or the stupidity or both?

 

* * *

This last one just leads you down a path to asking “WTF?”

A Florida man claimed ignorance when jail officials found syringes in his rectum during an early morning strip search.

Wesley Scott, 40, was arrested Friday in Pinellas County on an outstanding warrant charging him with drug possession, reports The Smoking Gun.

When Scott was searched at the jail, officers found three syringes inside his rectum.

However, Scott claimed he had found the syringes and they were not his, although he did not explain how they wound up in his buttocks.

Scott was charged with introducing contraband into a correctional facility and held on $5,000 bond.

* * * *

Okie doke Widdershins, enjoy your holiday weekend.

Open thread of course.

 

57 Responses to "Lazy Weekend~A visit with an old friend"

The secret to playing well and smelling good with LSU baseball players.

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Omgomg! Holy cow, that’s some crazy shit. I’ve never heard of microwaving urine. There are lots of articles about it:

https://syntheticurinereview.com/how-to-keep-pee-warm/

Fredster, what are you up to this weekend?

@3: Taking it easy. It was in the 80s today but heat index made it feel like 90s. Bleh

annie, I was looking for the 2019-20 Helmet schedule for the Pac 12 and couldn’t find it. I got the one for the SEC. Tell those Pac 12 folks to get in gear!

You know the problem I have as a biologist? Consider the obviously authentic picture of Homo floridiensis. How is it possible he doesn’t die out? ?? The female of the species would have to be pretty special, and I don’t mean that in a good way. Sightings are definitely less common. So what is the evolutionary fitness of this animal? Which is the $64 way of asking, “How in hell do they have kids?”

@5, yeah, they’re lazy! Typical socalians, always late.

@6, do you mean the hobbit?

Yikes.

@6: Which is the $64 way of asking, “How in hell do they have kids?”

Well it probably happens on a Saturday night/Sunday morning around 2 a.m. or so or whenever “last call” is announced at the local roadside bar. After that, the magic happens.

@10: And that magic is probably after last call and their trip to Waffle House. LOL

annie, I sent you an email.

Fredster @11. I suppose that’s not impossible, but then they still have to raise the results. Evolutionary fitness = the kids reach reproductive age and have kids of their own!

The whole thing is inexplicable. I think a team of scientists should go to the species’ natural habitat and research the issue. We may be able to document the first case of spontaneous generation!

Of course, that just pushes us back to the question of what they spontaneously generate from. Spilled beer? Leftover waffles?? In which case these should be controlled substances!

@13: Of course, that just pushes us back to the question of what they spontaneously generate from. Spilled beer? Leftover waffles?? In which case these should be controlled substances!

I cannot disagree with anything you said there. LOL

quixote, it took me awhile to find this in old posts but I remember writing it and barely being able to control my laughter as I was doing so.

Now this WH was in Georgia, but…

A couple was arrested Sunday (Nov. 3) in connection to having sex while drunk in the Waffle House parking lot in Loganville.

According to the Loganville Police report, an officer saw the woman and male engaging in the sexual act (if it’s singular as in THE sexual act, things must be pretty dull in Loganville) in the backseat of a Dodge truck at the 4752 Atlanta Highway establishment around 1:30 a.m. The car smelled strongly of alcohol.

The officer told the couple to get dressed and show him their licenses. While the man immediately put his pants on and complied, the woman simply sat in the passenger’s seat. The officer had to tell her numerous times to put her clothes on, the report says.

But when the female finally got dressed, she attempted to put a cheeseburger on her foot as if it were a sandal.

The officer performed a breathalyzer test on the two. The man blew a 0.154 and the woman blew a 0.216. The officer wrote in the report that both suspects were “very loud” and “argumentative” with the officers and each other during the test, and they staggered when they walked and barely made sense when speaking.

The man told the officer that they had walked from Brucey’s to the truck, which had been in the parking lot all day.

Both suspects were arrested on public drunk and loitering charges.

http://dlisted.com/2013/11/08/this-story-has-everything-waffle-house-drunken-parking-lot-sex-and-cheeseburger-shoes/

I like Joyce Vance even if she is a prof at U. of Bama.

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@17: Whoa! That’s brave.

Oh Florida Man. I blame him for rigging votes too!

Sending thoughts and good vibes to those who serve and served today.

@17, That cheetah looks annoyed — its ears are held back. Maybe they grew up together and that’s why it’s tolerating being groomed by a dog.

This article came out a few days ago, but fits right in the theme here.

50 years after Apollo, conspiracy theorists are still howling at the ‘moon hoax’

The moon hoax is a classic conspiracy theory — elaborate, oddly durable, requiring the existence of malevolent actors with a secret agenda. The moon-fakers are allegedly so competent they can fool the whole world (but not so competent that they can actually put humans on the moon).

Astronomer Phil Plait dissected the hoax hypothesis in a 2001 blog post that holds up as the definitive debunking. “Their evidence is actually as tenuous as the vacuum of space itself,” Plait wrote.

A more direct response came from Apollo 11 astronaut Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin when he was hectored by conspiracy theorist Bart Sibrel outside a Beverly Hills hotel in 2002. Sibrel, brandishing a Bible and asking Aldrin to swear on it, said, “You’re the one who said you walked on the moon when you didn’t. . . . You’re a coward and a liar and a thief.”

WHAM. Aldrin decked him with a right cross.

@19: I doubt Florida Man has the intellect or interest in vote rigging. LOL

@19 – well I am sure he would if he could make $25 from it!

Let’s hang out with Florida man for another day or so. I worked 9 hours on my day off, and am pooped!

That’s a lousy “day off,” madamab!

Well, well, another one of those #BeBest Republicans.

I don’t know about that baby otter. Looks mighty guilty to me. But of what? ?? The real chanpion of the coverup!

@23: Oh my goodness, your long weekend was, well long, but appears not to have been so much of a holiday thing.

@27, eating the last cookie.

Trying to lick the spots off of a cheetah might be a very dangerous adventure.

Remind me, please. never to watch Chuck Todd again. Yesterday, after gibbering on about something, he said “that’s why history isn’t kind to the Clintons.” Well, now we know were Todd stands for sure. History will be very kind to the Clintons, but not so much to Todd and his fellow travelers.
Chuckie’s beef was that Clinton saved his Presidency but harmed the Democratic Party by not resigning. Well, no. Bill Clinton stood up for the Constitution, continued working for the American people and when he left office, our country was in far better shape than before he took the Oath. Both he and Hillary Clinton were and are great public servants and did all they could to build up and advance the fortunes of our Party because they believed in our goals and always took the long view. Obama made it all about himself and did very little to ensure a Liberal future, but he’s the Golden Boy. Me and Meet the Press are donzo.

@31: LOL, Sue. My man Chuck, or Chuckles as Charles Pierce refers to him. Have never been able to stand him, just like Mrs. Greenspan, and I wonder what both have on someone/anyone that they keep their jobs.

@23: well I am sure he would if he could make $25 from it!

For that, I might join him.

I think you’ve hit it, Luna. It was the cookies! (Now where did I put my secret stash … mumble, mumble, … ?? Gone? Now wait just a dang minute!)

Just saw that on Lawrence O’Donnell tonight there’s going to be a town hall with Kamala Harris. It comes on at 9:00 pm central time.

Yes, it was a short long weekend, LOL!

I am watching Kamala right now. She is fabulous!

@36: I like her, think she’s smart, and would be a good prez.

Randy Rainbow’s Witty World

Randy Rainbow stands before the full-length mirror in the living room of his compact Queens walk-up, oozing mischievous charm. He tugs on a black sequined jacket, checks his satin tie and adjusts the angle of his bowler hat.

Maneuvering around a huge backdrop set up in the room, he’s trying on a variety of costumes for a photo shoot for this article. He glances into an open suitcase of props that he keeps in the next room, his home office. Permanently hoisted there is a green screen, along with a camera on a tripod and four MacBook Air laptops. A few hours after the photographer and I leave, Rainbow will step before the camera and belt out some just-written lyrics describing the despicable, dastardly or just plain dumb behavior of today’s prominent political figures.

Unlike late-night comedy hosts, Rainbow has no executives, sponsors or censors to please. Though he occasionally bleeps off-color words for comic effect, they are sprinkled openly throughout his routines. (A mild example from his parody of “Matchmaker” from “Fiddler on the Roof”: “Fact-checker, fact-checker, is this legit? Siri, ya there? Google this s—.”) “It’s a great thing about this Internet thing we’ve got going,” he says, smiling demurely. “I have the luxury of not going through filters or network execs to do my art.”

No dog would ever greet Trump like this.

New Randy Rainbow!!

40 Fredster

Musically, this one is my favorite…[sniff…]

@41: Glad you liked it shadow.

Oh good, tRump won’t get some of the perks other heads of state got when he goes to the U.K.

the US President has been denied additional perks attached to a state visit.

Unlike Obama, the current President has not been asked make an address in the Houses of Parliament.

He will also not participate in a carriage ride to Buckingham Palace, a decision attributed to ‘security concerns’.

And Mr Trump won’t stay in Buckingham Palace during his three-day visit due to renovation work.

Political commentator and journalist Daisy McAndrew told Yahoo UK’s The Royal Box Mr Trump may well have expected to be asked to make a speech to MPs and Lords.

She said: “There are many things that a head of state could expect to do on a state visit that Donald Trump’s not getting to do.
He and his family will stay in the US embassy in Battersea, South London.

Put him up at a Motel 8.

I guess if the Brits really wanted to stick it to him they’d make sure he did have one of the perks of a state visit: make sure he can’t escape from somewhere full of *British* reporters asking him questions.

Carole Cadwalladr in the front row.

@44: Had to look her up. Didn’t recognize the name but did recognize her from the Cambridge Analytica deal.

My whole fam loathes chuckie todd. We all turn the channel when he comes on.

I watched the Kamala town hall. It was very good.

Luna @38, Wow. That was really interesting. I thought he had some kind of production team and professionally taped. He’s amazing. I hope he makes $ off of these.

@39, aww! Can’t imagine any living thing being happy to see dump.

Fredster @43, He & his moron wife already went to the UK. Why are they going again? Condolences to all who must suffer their presence.

This is rich:

This is disgraceful:

@48: And the thing is John Bell Edwards, the guv will sign it.

He’s Catholic and he’s up for reelection this year.

I am not happy about it at all.

Hiding the ship’s name from Dump is as childish and petty as it gets. Come on Karma, do yer thing!

Hillary and Bill’s home. Love the vivid colors and what a place.

https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/clinton-washington-dc-home

Thanks for the link, Shadow! What a beautiful place.

@40, I had to turn the sound off when the sniiiiffffs started. Gross!

@52, thank you, Shadow! What good taste she has. Some very restful spaces there. Whereas Trump’s interior design “sense” makes his buildings and rooms gaudy and creepy.

Love Hillary’s home!! Great pictures.

51 members of the House are now for impeachment hearings. Nancy’s plan is working!!

New post up.

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