The Widdershins

Lazy Weekend~ Odd News Flori-duh Edition

Posted on: August 13, 2017

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I was planning this as an odd/weird/funny news post. I had it mostly finished so I’ll continue it that way but it will be abbreviated because of the shocking and horrible events yesterday in Charlottesville Virginia.

 

I have had this in the back of my mind to do for some time; since about the time Floriduh beat my Tigers in the College World Series semifinal.  Revenge was mine I said and I set off looking for weird, funny and odd news stories from or about Florida.  Trust me, they were not difficult to find.  Some of these may be a little old because other things came up in the interim, however I think you’ll still find them amusing.

I want that beer and I want it NOW!

Even the Palm Beach Post said this one took a “decidedly Florida turn” .

So a man walks up to a guy in a boat in a wooded area on Merritt Island apparently looking for someone and…

When told the man was alone, deputies say Laplante brandished a long machete from a duffel bag and told the man to get on his bike and head toward a nearby Wal-Mart, Florida Today reported. Once there, Laplante then told the man to pilfer two six-packs of beer for him, police said.

Laplante’s plan fell apart when the man walked across the parking lot to another business and called authorities, according to deputies.

Laplante has been charged with kidnapping and armed robbery, a felony.

Yeah, when you turn your victim loose, on his own, they will tend to run away or escape.

Kids just do the darnedest things, don’t they?

So Gary Winthrop wanted to give his mom a “prank” gift and uh, yes he did.  He ran over his mom’s mailbox in Englewood FL and said he would get her a new one.  Now, this was all a prank on mom and boy howdy did he prank her!

Gary Winthrop wanted to surprise his mom with a prank gift, so he drove his car over her mailbox and replaced it with one that sticks into a custom-carved 500-pound wooden sculpture shaped like a penis, WFTX reported.

“I thought I was getting a Harley or a car, and that’s what I got,” Gary’s mother, Sue, said.

Gary recorded the whole plan, from wrecking the current mailbox to reaction from his mom and neighbors, and posted it to YouTube. While showing a neighbor the 500-pound prize, one woman is shown in the video saying, “Oh, that is fantastic.”

The unusual mailbox remains on the Englewood, Fla., street, despite some neighbors’ complaints. In the video, a police car is shown heading toward the mailbox, but text at the end reads, “The cop laughed about it.”

But was it concealed?  (Nope)

This man is terribly forgetful or else he was in one big hurry.  Either way it did not turn out well for him.

A Jacksonville man accidentally shot himself in the penis when he sat down on a gun in the driver’s seat in his car.

Several television news stations report that the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office says the man ran into his girlfriend’s house Friday after the gun discharged. She saw that he had a wound in his groin and took him the hospital, where he underwent surgery.

The sheriff’s office said the 38-year-old man has a previous conviction for cocaine possession and may now face charges of being a felon in possession of a firearm.

Okay, not Florida but it could be

Yes indeed it could be “Florida” since the current occupant of the White House (see I didn’t say Prez or anything like that) does have a place down there that he visits.

So ladies, didn’t y’all already know this?  And really, it’s not just you ladies – we all kind of had an idea about this and now it’s scientifically confirmed.

It’s something most women intuitively knew: the louder the man, the smaller the genitals. Now science has more or less ticked off on the assumption – in monkeys, at least.

Nah, it’s not just the monkeys – we’ve all run into a few loudmouths in our lives haven’t we?

The researchers, from Cambridge, Utah and Vienna universities, said it marked the first evidence in any species of an “evolutionary trade-off” between the vocal tract and the testes.

“This means that different species of howler monkeys either invest in one of these traits or the other, but not both,” said Jacob Dunn, a biological anthropologist at the University of Cambridge.

“I think the main message is that when it comes to reproduction, you can’t have everything.”

Big b*lls or loud mouth. It’s a tradeoff

Well, I think we know which one the occupant settled on.

I hope y’all found a bit of humor and a break for just a few minutes from the sad news of yesterday.  Of course this is an open thread so what’s on your minds today?

 

 

 

 

 

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45 Responses to "Lazy Weekend~ Odd News Flori-duh Edition"

I hope that plaza is named after Heather Heyer.

Fredster, some of those Florida incidents are too funny — the man who sat on his loaded gun! Too bad they can’t all do that. Hmmm, wonder how well the reconstructive surgery worked? (snicker)

And the monkeys — the ones making the most noise are the least endowed, lol! Though I’ve never figured out why so many men are hung up on size. People come in different shapes and sizes. Frankly, I think most hetero women who aren’t masochists would opt for smaller ’cause greater comfort, unless it comes attached to a dickhead like that gun-sitter.

Something to temporarily take our minds off the alt-right horror in Charlottesville:

If my kid ran over my mailbox and replaced it with a giant penis, I would be seriously pissed.

I wonder why there isn’t a tv show about Florida fuckery.

Good afternoon Widdershins! I hope y’all got at least a chuckle or two out of the Floriduh tidbits.

@1: You know what bothered me reading that tweet Luna? Why oh why did Justin feel the need to add the racial or skin color info on those people? That bothered me for some reason.

@4: I have my eclipse glasses ready to go for the 21st!

@5: Annie, that’s a good title for a tv show – Florida fuckery. LOL

Y’all go check this out. There’s an entire thread where this guy starts identifying a number of the racist assholes who were in Charlottesville yesterday. I think these are probably really loud howler monkeys.

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

I’m not putting this congress creature’s tweet here, but this is the gist of it:

Tom Garrett‏Verified account @RepTomGarrett 6h6 hours ago

Tom Garrett Retweeted Fox News

Please see my comments below from today’s discussion on @FoxNews about the atrocious behavior in #Charlottesville

Why go on, of all places, Fox?

@6, I get irritable when people try to categorize by “race.” It’s factually inaccurate. Biologically there are no separate human races. Homo sapiens, all of us, are all the same race. Hell, lots of us even have some of the subspecies H. sapiens neanderthalensis in us.

@12, would it be because Fox is racist too?

A brief interlude to marvel at the wonders of nature:

@15: The caption says not an albino but grown white fur from a genetic mutation. I guess that also includes the antlers too?

@13: lots of us even have some of the subspecies H. sapiens neanderthalensis in us.

Oh now that I would really, totally believe.

Watching NBC news right now. Luna, what’s going on in Seattle?

@18, Fredster, I didn’t hear about the Nazi gathering in time to be part of the protest. I hear it started small (the anti-hate group) and now has moved a couple of blocks away from the Nazis. Apparently the cops are keeping the two groups separated.

@22: Yes that’s what they said on NBC, that the police were keeping the two groups separated. Hope everything stays peaceful there.

@19, Fredster, that sounds hopeful. Although possibly not for poor Japan and maybe Guam. My mom just reminded me that we know 4 people that live in Guam.

Yay Seattle!

@16, Fredster, I don’t know anything more about the white moose. Must include the antlers & the short fur/velvet on them when new. Beautiful creature!

@13, The latest few decades of research on H. s. neanderthalensis indicates they were not the brutish creatures of earlier caricature. They had some level of organization, and made efficient if not elegant tools. They had bigger brains than H. s. sapiens, not just because of slightly larger body size, and probably had better eyesight. It’s not clear if they did make ornamentation or art. They also probably interbred with Asian modern humans, or perhaps that group was the Denisovians.

An interesting although rather technical book is Pääbo, Svante (2014). Neanderthal Man: In Search of Lost Genomes. New York: Basic Books. I read my library’s copy.

@20, annie, Yessss!

Oh, and apparently we get red hair and freckles from Neanderthals!

The white moose is mind-blowing.

Luna @13,26, that is very interesting, and I like the point you make at @13.

L.A. had a protest today also. From LA Times:

“Hundreds of protesters marched peacefully through downtown Los Angeles Sunday to denounce the white nationalist violence in Charlottesville and to excoriate President Trump.

The demonstrators rallied on the steps of City Hall with speeches condemning racism and xenophobia, then marched through the streets of downtown, chanting “no Trump, no KKK, no fascist USA,” “no hate, no fear, immigrants are welcome here,” “black lives matter” and other slogans.

Many brandished signs such as “stop white terrorism,” “Nazi scum,” “white silence = white consent,” and “there is only one side” — a reference to Trump’s widely criticized remarks blaming the violence on “many sides.””

http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-protests-charlottesville-20170813-story.html

@26 Luna said: They also probably interbred with Asian modern humans, or perhaps that group was the Denisovians.

So is that group like the Targaryens or the Lannisters?

@29, annie, Biological facts, evidence, research — unfortunately only our side pays attention to these things.

@31, Fredster, we don’t know that yet! My guess is more like the Starks.

When our ancestors first migrated out of Africa around 60,000 years ago, they were not alone. At least two of our hominid cousins had made the same journey—Neanderthals and Denisovans. Neanderthals, the better known of the two species, left Africa about 300,000 years ago and settled in Europe and parts of western Asia. The Denisovans are a much more recent addition to the human family tree. In 2008, paleoanthropologists digging in a cave in southern Siberia unearthed a 40,000-year-old adult tooth and an exquisitely preserved fossilized pinkie bone that had belonged to a young girl who was between five and seven years old when she died.

Recently, scientists successfully extracted nuclear DNA from the pinkie bone and conducted comparison studies with the genomes of modern humans and Neanderthals. Studies show the girl was closely related to Neanderthals, yet distinct enough to merit classification as a new species of archaic humans, which scientists named “Denisovan” after the cave where the pinkie bone was found. The Denisovan genome also suggests the young girl had brown hair, eyes, and skin.

https://genographic.nationalgeographic.com/denisovan/

@33: I was trying to give them a bump up (?) on the old chain there. LOL

Is that twitter moment thing too much? I can take it out if need be.

@37, no its fine. I read all of it.

Oh NO!!!! Dragon just burned up Dick On!!!

@36, Luv my Seattle Resistance peeps!

LOL, our side has better signage!

@38, Let me guess — Neither of these nazis served in our military. If they like Russia so much, let’s ship them off there. Funny they don’t move there if they like it so much.

@40, Huh?

@42: One of the characters in G.o.T.

Why do these effin’ AltKKK a–wipes all look the same with different wigs?

Bringing violence to all of our cities and citizens.

Looks like the Dumpster had enough time on his vacation to get the transplanted armpit hair on his head dyed orange again.

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