The Widdershins

1-800-Da-Spite…

Posted on: April 21, 2017

Operator:  Hello, this is the Spitefulness Hotline for Inhumane Troglodytes, S.H.I.T., how may I help you?

Caller:  I just called because I’m scared.  Really scared.

Operator:  Why are you scared?

Caller:  I’m a Republican and I’m having doubts.

Operator:  Doubts about what?

Caller:  Doubts that we are running out of ways to actually hurt people.  The only thing that helps me is drinking. Drinking a lot. Well, and the cocaine. That seems to help.  Then there’s the sex with my congressional staff.  Then there’s the sex with the spouses of my congressional staff.  And occasionally there’s the sex with their kids, but…

Operator:  Okay, I get it.  You’re just an average god-fearing, family values Republican trying to make a difference by delivering spitefulness to those hateful hordes back home.

Caller:  You are incredibly perceptive.

Trump ties: For the man who ate everything…

Operator:  Thank you.  I used to work as a Planned Parenthood protester.  I could spot those pregos at 50 paces.  Everyone said, “If pigs had a nose for truffles, I had a snout for amniotic fluid.”  Now, what seems to be the problem today?

Caller:  I’m just worried and depressed.  What if we can’t come up with new ways to hurt people?  I mean how else are we going to hypnotize the bloodthirsty Tea Party types?  What are we going to rant and rave about?  What if Ann Coulter couldn’t buy that cheeseburger she needs?  And how is it fair that Ailes and O’Reilly only got $65 Million?

Operator:  Is this the first time you’ve felt this way?

Caller:  No.  I had a bad case of the sads when we softened up on Civil Rights and the lunch counter thing.  And that Bush prescription drug plan!  Don’t get me started.  The only thing that kept me going during the Bush years was bombing some brown people.  Now those were some good times.

Operator:  That’s why we’re here.  If you are feeling charitable or bighearted, we are here to put the Freon back in your veins.  Why’d you want to S.H.I.T. talk today?

Caller:   It’s like what happens when you are coming down off a really good coke high.  You know no matter how good it gets, it won’t get any better than nose sledding through that pure white snow.  I mean really.  How does it get any better than charging cancer patients $142,000 more a year for piss poor insurance coverage?  How’s it gonna get better than hitting minimum wage working mothers with $17,000 more a year just because they might have a kid at some point?  If we don’t have that to look forward to, is life worth living?  Can you feel me bro?

Operator:  I can feel ya.

Trump’s Wimminz Advisory Council…

Caller:  I mean we made sure mentally ill people could get guns.  We finally got more mercury back where it belongs – in our air and water.  We even said, in our out-loud voices, that cutting Meals on Wheels was the compassionate thing to do.  Does it get any better than that?  Amirite?

Operator:  Have you tried talking with anyone else about these feelings?

Caller:  Well, we have cheerleading sessions down in the basement of the Capitol.  After we sacrifice some goats, the anime-eyed granny starver gets up and promises to take Medicare away, but he’s just talkin’.  Daddy won’t deliver.

Operator:  How do you know?

Caller:  He’s actually going to give the old folks vouchers.  Vouchers, I tell you.  Like grocery stores won’t take vouchers for cat food?  Of course they will.

Operator:  There are always wars.  Think about that.  Those young Bernbrained bros are about to get a camo-clothing allowance.  That’s something to look forward to.

Caller:  I know, but how many times can you watch chemical weapons and still get that cold fuzzy feeling?  I love the smell of Sarin in the morning.

Operator:  Do you have a family?

Trump: Bigger is more better — right?

Caller:  No, I ICE’d ‘em last year.  Had them deported. It was just a little early Christmas present I gave myself.

Operator:  Hey listen, like all good conservative think tanks we run an intellectual support group for those who might be feeling a little too altruistic and not getting their venom on.

Caller:  Really, what’s it called?

Operator:  S.H.I.T. for Brains.  Can we count on you?

Caller:  You bet.

Operator:  We like to keep anonymous data on our callers for statistical purposes.  We have a few questions.  Just exactly how white are you?

Caller:   I was the centerfold for Cracker Quarterly.

Operator:  What sign were you born under?

Caller:  Tuscaloosa 12 miles.

Operator:  Who has been your greatest influence?

Caller:  Porn stars.

Operator:  Why?

S.H.I.T. for Brains Board Meeting…

Caller:  On camera, no one changes positions faster.

Operator:  That’s all I need.  Thanks for calling.  Spread S.H.I.T. around.

Caller:  I feel better.  Here’s a little virtual fist bump just like the one Kush, ever so gently but firmly, gave me as we reached for the same Egyptian 1,500 thread count sheets.

End of recording.

What’s on your mind today?

 

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88 Responses to "1-800-Da-Spite…"

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Here’s a graph from the Center for American Progress listing insurance premiums for the unfortunates faced with “conditions” — once you have them your attention is not about “preconditions,” but “post-condition” and hoping to live.

Insurance Premiums

Big question: Was the Operator in India?

@3, no, it was a #MAGA project. The call center was deep inside a non-performing coal mine. They were making Murica great again by saving on electricity and putting laid-off earmuff workers back to work.

So CNN is making a big story out of the fact that apparently Ossoff din’t vote in 2012 elections because he was studying in London. Is this a story? I’m not sure I understand beyond the “all Americans should vote.” But… is this a story?

Yay!

@7, that’s all well and good that they are calling some witnesses, but the questioning by the Repubs will inevitably be, “Hillary didn’t go to Wisconsin, what about Benghazi, and email, email, email.”

@8, I like that tag — #lockhimup — speaking of which, I’m anxiously awaiting that new Bernie Madoff movie with Robert DeNiro. It is amazing how much like Madoff they make him look. I wonder if Madoff and Dolt 45 were “besties” since they were in the same profession — grifter. Wonder if they got together for pie?

The “She didn’t go to Wisconsin” is in full swing, along with the “weak candidate” tweets. Because of that book. It’s exhausting, except they’re never exhausted saying it.

Sanders finally endorsed Ossoff today. After saying Melo’s anti-abortion sentiments are just price of politics. Except this is the dude who defined his run as the purity candidate who does not compromise. We knew he just didn’t compromise on coal miners in the rust belt, but everything else is negotiable to him.

New Randy Rainbow:

When will people learn that listening to a crazy, old white dude who lost the primary of a party he is not even a member of is like asking a hobo about housing policy. There will be an opinion, but better accommodations under overpasses is not good policy.

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@14, I never think of Mark Twain living in the 20th Century.

@12, Randy must be taking voice lessons, his range was amazing on that video. He really does have a good voice.

A very interesting article on Louise Mensch, and that she might be out of line. I had to unfollow her a few weeks ago because I do think she’s a bit much. I have seen The Jester on twitter distance himself from her also.

I did see Mensch is livid about this article and is demanding an apology.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/josephbernstein/the-crowdsourced-russia-twitter-investigation-has-prompted?utm_term=.chvkzxJX7#.gq24lar70

Not that it makes any difference because numbers are close to science and we know what they think about all that sciencey stuff.

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@19 Prolix, fake numbers no doubt!

@20, D, I saw a hinky 3 once. Could tell it was fake a mile away.

Huh?

Wonderful and entertaining post Prolix!

@22: Check out this very interesting article by Col. Bateman over at Esquire.

http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a54646/north-korea-tensions/

The Navy’s radio controversy of yesteryear can help explain how the current administration botched their communications plan with regard to the USS Carl Vinson aircraft carrier battlegroup that was supposedly headed towards North Korea last week. To put it bluntly, the US Navy is the most information-hoarding of the four military services. Unless they are absolutely required to do so, they will say nothing. When it’s unavoidable or they are pressed, they are the most likely to give the bare minimum of information, and then hope people just move on and leave them alone. And that extends to their relations with higher authorities as well.

@2: So basically trying to purchase individual plans on the open market with those conditions would mean you would have had to win the lottery to afford the premiums. Oy.

@14: I find it amazing that they got a color photograph then.

Too funny, Prolix! It reminds me of Madamab’s plays. (Ah remember the good ole days)

So I see Bernie’s off to campaign for the anti-choice MAYOR, while Tom Perez is heading down to Georgia to fundraise for Ossoff. Me thinks the “Unity” tour are scrambling right now. Some Democrat from “on high” needs to have a talk with BirdBrain.

@18: Love that dawg.

@23, thanks Fredster. It isn’t too difficult to write what these fools feel about humans. I truly believe, without a hint of exaggeration, that the Freedom Caucus, while dressing up their reasoning, are basically wanting to hurt people to feed their monstrous followers. They are disgusting subhumans.

@30: And that’ is exactly what I can’t understand about them. It just leaves me speechless. I can’t comprehend it.

@25 & 2, well that would be one way, but these evildoers have figured out a way to be even more insidious. First, their whole reason for this farcical AHCA is simplicity and access. Okay, this is what they are peddling now. They have done two things to swallow the whole scrotum of the insurance industry.

First, they have placed state-by-state waivers so states can opt out of the essential services and pricing. This would do two things — force people into a risk pool or leave people at the whim and circumstance of open market pricing. Either way it would force premiums to be out of reach or coverage to be de minimus.

So what you would have in a highly mobile society, is a patchwork of incredibly intricate and complex insurance fiefdoms. It wouldn’t matter much because these sick and needy citizens fall outside the “Republican protected zones.” Forget death panels, this is a death plan.

It is beyond me that Repubicans figure that cancer makes you a Democrat and good health makes you a Republican. Don’t believe even the fake statistics would support that premise.

@17: Did you read any of the comments over there at Buzzfeed? Hysterical.

@26, yesterday I was listening to NPR coming back from my doctor’s appointment. There was a reporter talking about surveying British and Spanish health care systems. I have no way of knowing if he was accurate, but this is what he said:

If an American needs a heart bypass, he should get in an airplane and fly to either of these countries. When you deplane, leave the airport, stop by a restaurant, don’t check-in to a hotel, just enjoy a nice meal. After the meal, start complaining about chest pain. Go to the hospital.

They will discover the need for a heart bypass. By law, even a foreign national in England, only pays for the medicine. The bypass is paid for by the government — free. The medicine is currently about $12. In Spain, you would pay nothing, not even for the medicine.

And the kicker — outcomes are better.

@32 Prolix said: It is beyond me that Repubicans figure that cancer makes you a Democrat and good health makes you a Republican. Don’t believe even the fake statistics would support that premise.

Why that’s because patriotic god-fearin’ Republican Muricans wouldn’t be afflicted with cancer because god doesn’t work that way.

@27, I saw something on Twitter about that picture being the product of some new fangled colorization process. It is amazing isn’t it?

@34: Incredible.

@36: Ahh. I had also wondered if it was just possibly done by hand.

@28, thanks GAgal. Those were the days.

Bernie needs to befall a horrible Ben & Jerry’s accident. Fall into a vat of in-process ice cream and give birth to a new flavor: Delusional Dingleberry. He is worse and worse. He’s reading his own press again. Or maybe that slug Jeff Weavil is reading it to him.

@35, LOL.

@39:: He is worse and worse. He’s reading his own press again. Or maybe that slug Jeff Weavil is reading it to him.

And that is going to be the future of the Democratic Party? Seriously??

Fredster, I didn’t read the comments at Buzzfeed, but will. I thought his article was actually pretty – dare I say it – fair and balanced. He acknowledges that some of her conclusions have been proven right. And they have. But – and this was The Jester’s complaint – she just throws everything at the wall so something is bound to stick. She accuses people left and right of being Russian spies. Which sort of makes me think she’s a Russian agent herself…

@24> I’m still not sure what happened with that ship. Did they lie about where it was going or did they have no idea where it was going? I saw South Korea said they can never take anything Trump says seriously because this was a pretty big lie. And that’s a pretty big statement for a country to make.

Also, Dump endorsed Marie Le Pen. I want to say that won’t help her, but everything is so crazy that who knows! Obama called and spoke to the other guy running, the ones the Russians hate.

@42: Leave Chelsea alone!!!! Didn’t someone do something like that with Britney Spears? 😉

@44: Well I think from the way the Esquire article reads that the commander of the carrier group just sorta said “yep, we’re here we’re in the ocean” and left it at that. LOL!

I added a link to Charles Pierce’s site at Esquire. It is under Politics. When you click on it, it will open in a new tab.

I’m very very sorry about this…

@45> Yes Fredster, there was a guy once who made a famous video screaming/crying “Leave Britney alone!” He was ridiculous. And then he grew into a really handsome young man and did porn. So… LOL

And, there are so many attacks on Chelsea, it’s amazing. From the same people who attack HRC. There’s an onslaught now. Somebody tweeted a screen grab from a book in which Chelsea said she wrote a letter to Reagan one time asking him not to visit some cemetery in Germany. People piled on making fun of her for writing at age of 5. Chelsea responded very nicely that her grandma saved a copy of the letter and if this person wants it, she’ll gladly send it to her. Now people are coming in Chelsea’s defense with stories of how they wrote to various Presidents as children and often got responses, including from Bill. It’s just amazing that people who hate the Clintons take so much time to stalk them and then harass them. Just ignore them if you don’t like them! Chelsea, when she responds, responds so nicely. I would have been cursing my head off.

@49: I remember something about that. Quite a career turn there. LOL

@48: Oh wow! My eyes burn now and it’s not allergies. Yeech!

@50: I have never understood the attacks on Chelsea. I never recall so many attacks on the Bush girls and certainly not after Dubya left the W.H.

Okay I just switched Maher off. He’s going off on the libruls over Coulter and Berkeley.

@54: That’s cute.

@56> Yeah I’m off Maher for a while. At least he’s consistent on his attacks on liberals. If consistently wrong. His fondness for nuts like Coulter and Milo is preposterous.

@58: I switched it back just to watch New Rules and then flipped it again.

Do y’all think the rapture happened and we three have been left behind? Where is everyone?

Great new thread post.

I have been amazed for the past couple of months on the job Maddow has done explaining what is going on and connecting the dots.

Most of the cable shows go for the few sound bites of the day and repeat it so many times without much meat on the bone that many watches just turn the channel.

I’m also off Maher, since his “Hillary go away” bs. There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do everything I would like to do, so no more time spent on people that are hurtful, spiteful, or dumb.

We spent the day at the beach. It was a perfect Spring day. When we drove through the canyons, there were masses of wildflowers. It’s so rejuvenating to enjoy simple pleasures.

Really enjoyed the post and comments. Will comment more after I get home from the market!

Randy Rainbow is so cute!

I love Mark Twain. One of the interesting things of his I’ve read is a travelogue of his and his wife’s trip around the world. It was a two volume set, but I could hardly put it down.

I don’t follow Louise or Jester. I hope they’re for real and not playing us, but not sure. I see a lot of their tweets on my TL.

With Mark Twain, I haven’t read much of his books. I did read Tom Sawyer many years ago. He does have many witty and pithy sayings. But I can not forgive him for hating Jane Austen.

Prolix, yes the Rapture might have happened. And here we are, stuck with Dump, Kid Rock, Palin and Nugent…

@66, did you see that palatial mansion where Kid Rock grew up? It was on Twitter today. Looked to be about 10,000 sq. ft. and he is the voice of Joe and Jane Lunchbucket. Are there any of these people who are not complete frauds and hypocrites?

Here’s a picture:

@60 & 66: I wondered about that.

And then I had to break away from staring at the screen for so long. I think I’ll go back to doing that because it’s been a long day.

Later folks.

@67> Oh my…Joe Schmoe indeed. Kanye West too. Raised quite wealthy.

@54, love that tweet! Thanks DYB!

I also liked the gross one of the dump portrait with the three stooges.

socalannie, that one with Dump is really something… I love it! The one with the girls in front of HRC is perfect!

I think dump could end up getting millions of people killed:

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Hmm. I wonder why my tweet didn’t display properly?

Anyway, hope you’re all having a lovely Saturday.

Happy Earth Day everyone! Here are some pictures of signs from the the March for Science protests for your enjoyment.

https://www.usatoday.com/picture-gallery/news/world/2017/04/22/march-for-science-signs-from-around-the-world/100784822/

Prolix, you are a brave soul to try to wrap your brain around how today’s Republican thinks. The result was hilarious! I suspect a liberal dose of brain bleach was needed afterwards. (Pun intended.)

It’s very nice that you and GAGal miss my plays. 🙂 I had a lot more time back then to write and think! I am changing positions in the company in about a month, though. I’m hoping my travel will be less frequent and my brain will be more active because of it.

I miss the plays!!!

MB, travel is depressing & wearisome nowadays isn’t it? And I don’t think its because I’m older. The quality of transportation (air, rail, road) has really gone downhill in every possible way.

There’s a lesson here. It takes a numbers-driven geek, writing from a sports-hosted site, to tell the truth about the electoral catastrophe of 2016. So much for the vaunted Fourth Estate.

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@74, Annie, the Fix-it-Fairy stopped by, wiggled his nose, or at least I thought it was his nose, and presto-change-o, it be fixed…

@75, thanks MB. Travel is such a chore these days. I don’t miss it. In the least.

I just watched the evening news. I never watch the networks, but I happened to be where it was playing so I was hostage. There in a news conference was Mulvaney in his pompous, holier-than-thou Antoinette-esque way, “We aren’t spending money on climate change. We told you that. We don’t think it is a good use of your money.”

Then there’s Dolt 45 — in order to divert attention by spinning the shiny disco media ball away from the “Science Denying Protests” he went to Walter Reed Hospital. Can you believe that? Using a poor wounded soldier as a prop to change the order of the lead stories on the evening news.

This is so enervating thinking of what he would do with North Korea or Syria.

Hello peeps!

Just checking in briefly. Seems that the allergies/sinuses, something have hold of me big time today.

See y’all later.

Internet probs in my patch. (snarl) Hope to get access back up soon but may take a couple of days. I’m in withdrawal! Nothing on the horizon from across the Pacific so far. — frankly I’m more worried about the crazy man in DC. 😀

@79, Prolix, thanks!

Fredster, sorry you’re laid up with those! Laker has pretty bad allergies this year also. He finds relief with that nose spray (nasonex?) and also is going gluten free. I had severe allergies when I was younger, and did the modified diet for almost a year, and it worked really well for me, I lost weight, kicked the allergies, and my health was hugely improved.

@83: I just checked the pollen count and trees are high with grass being moderate. I have a prescription spray I use but may have to switch to another one.

I finally got back to check out everyone’s links. (I think I got them all) Great stuff.

It’s just started raining and I hope it washes this pollen away. It’s only begun. Need more

Nate Silver had several cutting tweets about Comey and the Media. Here’s another:

@85 – Yes, I agree! The media has started attacking Clinton again because otherwise, they’d have to examine their own massive culpability in her electoral college loss, and the takeover of our country by a madman whose arrogance, stupidity and corruption are a severe and immediate threat to our national security. They did not do their duty as the Fourth Estate, and the people were so misinformed and unable to make a decision that this horrifying creature is now POTUS.

It must be too difficult to admit that 25 years of misogyny, a venal desire to create equivalence for ratings’ sake, and a complete lack of journalistic integrity were what ultimately caused those few voters in the Midwest to swing the election to Drumpf. It’s much easier just to blame The Woman and all of her “flaws.” Yes, because Drumpf’s campaign was flawless?!!!!!

Couldn’t sleep so I’m flipping back and forth between CNN and FOX. (MSNBC is Lock Up crap) First, CNN was about the Russian military base Putin built in the Arctic. (And talked about how global warming is making it “easier” to drill there – and we all know Putin is patient if nothing else) Then they covered the wildfires going on in FL right now.

Flipped to FOX and the discussion was voter fraud in NC in the last election. Apparently out of over 4 million votes, 441 were FELONS! Don’t ask me how they know because they didn’t say. And of those 441 votes, 64% voted for Democrats! And 18% voted R and 17% voted Independent. Again don’t ask me how they know.

Then WhatsHisname and WhatsHerName who wrote the book about Hillary come on. I missed a bit, but saw this “quote” on the screen, “then she took the phone from Huma and said “I’m sorry, Mr. President.” They showed the pic of Hillary hugging Obama after his speech at the convention. (where she surprised everyone when she walked out on stage). OMG. Comedy gold. By the way, those two ‘authors’ looked pretty haggard. They have been catching hell for their book of pure gossip. They should have gone to FOX first since their viewers are the only ones who will buy it. I guess they finally caught on to their real audience.

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