The Widdershins

Archive for April 18th, 2017

Released on: April 18, 2017, 9:01 am (EDT)
Author: Prolixous
Industry: Fashion Press Release

38th Parallel, DMZ, South Korean side — /M.A.D./ — From the world’s greatest designer lacking both perspective and a hint of humility, comes Don Saint l’Orange, who is thrilled to announce the Spring 2017 opening of MADwear – Mission Accomplished Duds.

This is not virginal MADness. The world has seen Mission Accomplished Duds before. These are the duds for the man who longs for big things that come easily to those who have long toiled in the vineyards of wealth and privilege. MADwear gear was first spotted on a carrier dick deck in 2003.  Fast forward to yesterday with Powder body double and Oedipal Complex support group dropout, Mike Pence, sporting a MADwear bomber jacket as he squinted longingly and menacingly toward North Korea.

Don St. l’Orange, much like all things in his life, retroactively appropriated the design and recently sported the gear on his bulbous rind. After he went missing and a Golden Alert was issued, Don l’Orange was found roaming the naval carrier Gerald R. Ford. When told about the Golden Alert, DoLo wondered aloud, “Will there be pee?” and “I thought Carrier made air conditioners.”

You may know DoLo by his other sobriquets – the Incredible Papaya Limpet and the Vermillion Versace, but he is best known in the business world for being an unmitigated FOCKer (Fiend of Carbon Kibitzing).

MADwear is thrilled to announce the opening of its e-tail shop with its inaugural photo shoot, MADness Amid Chaos.  DoLo has always coveted e-tail and wanted to take advantage of its vulnerability by grabbing it. Along with rot gut wine and inedible offal marketed as steak, the shop will feature MADness as a wearable metaphor for the pre-dementia psychopathic narcissist living out a lifelong fascination with strong military-types. MADwear is homage to these “manly men” and the supple brown, Barcalounger pleather bomber jacket is a natural follow-up to the original jumpsuit codpiece sported by the unmanscaped raging Bush.

Based in Mexicali, Mexico, MADwear showcases a unique clothing perspective by providing Duds for Dudes (Duds for Duds will be a subsequent marketing push).  Just as the MAD jackets are reversible, so is the name — Duds Accomplishing Missions Naturally (DAMN) is a brother label and given the fraternal bro popularity, the movement has become known as DAMNation. 

Says owner l’Orange, “our MADness Amid Chaos photo shoot is a metaphor for how treasonous incompetence can masquerade as persimmon perfidy only until the spring when the pleather rash blooms. Without fail, 2017 will be a year of MADness — a fashion forewarned trend.”

Please note:  MADwear does not own the trademark to Mutually Assured Destruction and any similarity to the elements of thermonuclear war are entirely coincidental.

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