1600 DC-1 Trainer…
Posted February 24, 2017on:
Sometimes the greatest ideas crawl out from under the most bizarre rocks. Here’s how I got to yesterday’s greatest idea of all time. While surfing the intertubz, I happened upon a list for what makes a dog breed dumb.
Listed among the characteristics for an intellectually challenged dog are: Difficulty in training, bad memory, inability to distinguish what’s real, and a general confusion about who’s in charge. As I read the list I realized it pretty accurately described Dolt 45 and the pack of feral animals he’s brought in to sniff his rather ample butt.
His pack of dogs is a varied lot. There’s the huge BannonMastiff. Typically it has a completely disheveled, dirty appearance like it has been sleeping under an overpass. The BannonMastiff drools a lot! Strange things trigger the drooling like obscure references to European ethno-nationalistic philosophers. This breed has a strong dislike and mistrust for others. It will attack other dogs especially mongrels.
Then there’s the Siberian Flynnsky – a very lively breed. It acts out and is often bored since it lives in a general confusion as to who’s in charge. At times it is almost as if it hears distant Russian voices. It is a working breed, but you can never be quite sure for whom it is working.
When it comes to territorial breeds, there is the Chinese Shar-Pence. The Shar-Pence is very aggressive toward LBGT, hungry people, or pregnant women. The Shar-Pence will not share. This breed suffers from health problems, but when it comes to veterinary care, it is a dog eat dog world where only the fittest and most righteous will survive.
There’s also the Speagle – a breed with a little Spicey mixed in with the Beagle. The Speagle is a piss poor listener and loves to bark. They are very difficult to train and can be dangerous because they can be confused easily. Unfamiliar scents cause them to get angry and chase their tails. They often chase shadows. Dog clothes never seem to fit the Speagle.
Last, but certainly not least, there is the perceived pack leader, the Toy Teacup Trumpoodle. This breed can be very amusing, but can be very high-strung. They can be extremely temperamental. They snap if they are teased or surprised. Often they develop the “small dog syndrome” where they believe they are the pack leader. This syndrome leads to snapping, growling, demanding behavior, and incessant barking. The Teacup Trumpoodle often has mental stability problems if not trained early.
What got me thinking was how often this ragtag pack wanders off the reservation. For instance, just yesterday Secretaries Tillerson and Kelly were in Mexico trying to clean up some of the messes of the Teacup Trumpoodle. While on their way to clean things up, the Trumpoodle laid a whole new pile of dog turds at their feet.
This pack is trying a fear-based approach to issues like immigration and overall personal rights. For instance, children will be treated differently in different states. In short, where you live will determine your happiness and socialization. If your parents happen to live in an enlightened state (both mentally and physically), your constitutional protections will be greater than your poor cousin living in a red state where they are clawing their way back to 1950.
It truly seems if our future is being mapped out by a pack of dogs. When it comes to budgeting, these grifters aren’t starting with real economic assumptions; they are making claims and then back-filling with magical hyperbole – a similar exercise to baying at the moon on an overcast night.
Then there are all these dogs hanging at the edges of the pack. These dogs were originally hanging around the Siberian Flynnsky, but now it seems like more butts than his were sniffed during the campaign. In fact, many more butts. There are many questions.
So what’s my idea? The best dog shock collar is supposed to be Dogtra’s 1900 NCP Field Star. So my idea is to outfit Dolt 45 and the cabinet with modified shock collars. But shock collar would show and look unseemly. That’s when I thought about shock broziers – you know that little extra bit of support for man boobs.
When Dolt 45 and his pack of feral cabinet dogs are acting crazier than outhouse rats, we could shock them with 1600 DC-1 Trainer Broziers. We’ve already cut a promo ad.
Here’s the way I look at it. It makes no difference if this pack of wild dogs running the country is dumb or viciously evil. The end result is the same. Lots of fear, lots of peeing on things we once thought were sacred, and hoping against hope the political pack of wolves will turn on the Teacup Trumpoodle.
What’s on your mind today?
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