Posted July 14, 2016on:
Good evening Widdershins.
Tomorrow morning the Bogey Yam will be announcing his Sancho Panza. Here are the characteristics that seem most important to der Drumpf – notice that none of them reflect upon the qualifications necessary to lead the free world.
- Be obsequious to the point of being bloodied and beaten by an orange meat puppet and asking, “Could I have some more Sir?”
- Stare blindly without giggling hysterically when you see a comb over speaking incoherently in a continuous word salad.
- Understand word salad and be able to translate into reasonably coherent English.
- Own knee pads.
- Be able to kiss butt like an Electrolux with a fresh vacuum bag.
Here are the players and a little bit about each of them – some of it true. Don’t pay attention to the Army guy because he believes in a woman’s right to choose or did for about 12 hours. As for the possibility of Sen. Joni Ernst being selected, well, think about it, she’s a woman.
Newt Gingrich: Former Speaker of the House. Resigned in disgrace under pressure from his own party. Highest fine for ethical violations in House history. Other ethical violations too many to enumerate. Serial adulterer to terminally ill wives.
Chris Christy: Caustic and bombastic New Jersey governor with historically low approval numbers. Bridgegate. Used state money to pay his $82,500 bar and food bill at NFL games in 2010-11. Other ethical violations too many to enumerate.
Jeff Sessions: Translucent white Senator from Alabama. Second judicial nominee in 48 years of Judicial Committee history whose nomination was killed for, among other things, saying he thought the KKK was, “Okay until I found out they smoked pot.” Rumored to have a tattoo that says, “High walls and short ladders make good immigration policy.”
Mike Pence: Translucent white Governor of Indiana. Former House member. Chronically dim, but incandescently ambitious. According to D.C. lore, the most dangerous place to be in D.C. was between Pence and a microphone. Entire career could be entitled, the “Bland Ambition Tour”. Signed the “You Are Free to Discriminate Against Gays” Bill and caught nine kinds of hell for it. Twitter Account handle #hoosierdaddy.
There you have it.
People believe Trump could pull a Veep out from under the kangaroo scrotum he calls hair in order to fool the press. A serious candidate wouldn’t contemplate such a thing, but who knows what madness lurks in the ego that was a stunt double for the Indominus Rex in Jurassic World. If Trump does pull a Houdini, here’s my best guess for the Trump fungible Veep. Notice the resemblance to the aforementioned candidates.
Whoever is ejaculated from that big, pink, stone phallus known as Trump Tower tomorrow morning at 11:00 a.m. EDT will likely wish there was such a thing as a morning after campaign pill. So will we.
What’s on your mind?
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