Posted June 17, 2016on:
You can always count on some things. Things like the swallows returning to Capistrano. Monarch butterflies wintering in Mexico. And every reelection, John McCain going berserk as an outhouse rat. Just like in 2010 when he whiplashed to the right of Attila the Hun, this year it looks like he has found his inner Trumpinator.
McCain must convince more Arizona white people, who happen to adore L’Orange One, to come out and vote. So yesterday in an effort to incite some whiteys, McCain blamed the Orlando butchery on Obama. His logic was something along the lines of “scary black man created ISIL by his bad decisions that I wouldn’t have made because I would have started better wars or continued the old ones.” Or something like that.
Shortly after McCain got back to his office here on planet Earth and took his afternoon Aricept, his office released a statement saying, “Oopsie, Daddy got loose again.”
If that wasn’t enough, yesterday Ted Cruz, you remember him, the Mortimer Snerd look-alike, was positively orgasmic over the events of Orlando. Cruz sees the Pulse massacre as an opportunity for his brand of conservative prismatic realism. Taking reality and distorting it as a colorful mirage to fit his warped conservative sensibilities. His solution to Orlando: More guns.
Cruz was exhibiting profound butt hurt because he didn’t like someone else conducting a filibuster – especially a filibuster producing results unlike his “Green Eggs and Ham” soliloquy. Of course, Cruz was still giddy from Tuesday night.
In case you haven’t heard, Tuesday night there was a dinner that morphed into a big conservodroid circlejerk – not the kind requiring drop cloths and disinfectant, but the metaphysical type where everyone twaddled on about how great Teddy Cruz is. Comparisons to Reagan were abundant. The cabal’s game plan is to figure out how Cruz becomes the biggest, baddest Conservative in all the land. Good luck to them with that.
During Cruz’s Senate speech for more guns, more guns, more guns, he talked about “slippery slopes.” In the world of the NRA and the politicians they have dutifully paid for, every proposed gun safety proposal is an impermissible constitutional impediment. It seems to be lost on these people that this phantasmagorical constitutional right of which they so fondly speak was only discovered in 2008. Yeah, eight years ago courtesy of the contortionist intellectual rummaging of dead, fat Tony after a century of constitutional case law saying no such right existed.
Both McCain and Cruz focused upon the favorite Republican hobgoblin: slippery slopes. Conveniently, they always ignore the kinds of slippery slopes they don’t mind seeing like cutting the number of women’s health clinics, or reducing SNAP benefits, or reducing access to voting, or reducing civil rights protections. Those types of slippery slopes tighten the crotches of crusty old Republicans faster than Cialis in their Citrucel.
The slippery slopes causing the consternation du jour are the “no fly, no buy” legislation and universal background checks. Republicans ignore the fact that 95% of Democrats, 86% of Independents, and 87% of Republicans support universal background checks. It appears the NRA hasn’t just rented this current crop of Republicans, they have bought them outright.
Here’s a slippery slope they won’t talk about. Some industrious reporters, surprising but they still do exist, timed how long it actually takes to buy an AR-15 rifle. With a full background check, it took between 5 and 7 minutes. Let’s put this in perspective: You can walk into a Wal-Mart and within 7 minutes your government has said, “You may now own a killing instrument suitable for war or if you’d rather, an assault on the nearest gathering of people you hate.”
Seven minutes started a slippery slope of empowering the death of 49 souls in Orlando. The United States government approved the purchase of an instrument of death capable of this mass carnage in just seven minutes. And it never seems to matter to these NRA bastards, not even for seven minutes that this slope is made slippery by the blood of innocents.
Take the conversation in any direction you might like.
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