The Widdershins

The Fear Awakens: Episode V…

Posted on: December 16, 2015

Imagine the Star Wars opening crawl…Opening Crawl

In a galaxy far, far away where reality is in shorter supply than oxygen, there was a Republican debate appearing for all the universe as an orgasmic bacchanal of fear.  The denizens of this galaxy have huge amygdalae – secreting so much fear juice they are a people who have never been photographed from the front – only from the rear as these fearful, fleet-footed denizens are always running away.

Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republicans since their quadrennial festival of scariness has led to the brink of a most uncivil war.

The Oligarchs of the Galactic Republicans have dispatched their billionaires to try to settle the conflict.  So far their money has only fanned the flames of revolt and revulsion.

Trump as VaderAlas, the Galactic Republicans are crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord Trump.  Sith Trump has declared to kill the women and children of foreign religions.  To this he draws cheers. 

There are few, if any, heroes in this uncivil war.    Evil seems to be everywhere and coveted by those angered by some fairy-tale, mythical reality only they can perceive.

In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader, General Cruz, has declared carpet bombing of innocents to be his tactic of choice even though it is a war crime of the highest order.

At times Chancellor Carson suffers from narcolepsy combined with unhelpful sleep talking.  Jedi warriors were dispatched to check his pulse and his grasp of reality.  Alas, they were too late. 

Ted Cruz, the before 2...

A happy General Cruz…

The most bellicose of the chicken hawks are appropriately found in the Jersey Snookie Café operated by Jabba the Christie.  It is there where Global Thermonuclear War is the preferred game of chance.

In this most uncivil war, it appears that the Tea Party extremists are winning against the evil Republican Establishment Empire.  The Empire Establishment seems to be on the run.  It appears the Sith Lord Trump has made the others look almost respectable and mainstream while sinister Tea Party agents called Kochoids have chummed the waters for the ever-hungry shark-like warriors.

In the meantime, Princess Carly raced home aboard her HP star printer as custodian of the stolen ink jets and proclaimed her ability to run companies into the ground and fire people, thereby restoring their freedom to be unemployed and unhampered by a paycheck.  

This period of the uncivil war is a vicious time.  From hidden bases, rebel Super Pacs make plans to overwhelm the Republican Establishment Empire.  During the battles, the Oligarchs’ rebel spies unleash their ultimate immigration weapon upon the blue-collar worker drones of the Republican Empire. 

Indeed, it is a dark time for the Galactic Republicans.  It seems as though their strategy of depleting the opposition by depriving them of health care has not worked.  The evil lord Reince Priebus has dispatched thousands of remote probes, armed with lies and innuendoes, into the far reaches of the Empire through Fox Spews and talk radio.  The probes all seemed to orbit the dying planet of Benghazi, but the Priebus probes never make it into the dirty places where the Republican Establishment Empire has, for so long, desired to be probed.  A dark and sad time has unfolded.

hillary as leiaBut there is hope.  Do not despair, the force is strong, there is one hope – that President Hillary, clad in an appropriate pants suit, will lead us to the stars and beyond without any wars.


Please excuse the over-reliance upon the Star War movie crawls.  To say the least, this isn’t my most erudite post and falls far outside the standards of the Widdershin world.

What did you think of last night’s happy holidays debate about killing and maiming innocent refugees or starting World War III?  Did you, like the participants, long for the good old days of 9/11?  Or do you look forward to another fifteen years in an unwinnable war among religious zealots striving for those good old seventh century values?  And one other question, is there possibly a better way to scare your children this holiday season?

Have a great Wednesday.



22 Responses to "The Fear Awakens: Episode V…"

Fantastic post Prolix! I tried listening to both the debate and the Punster at the same time and it was just too much. Tried listening to just the debate (what was there to really watch?) After about 15-20 mins I had had enough.

Love Hillary’s pic.

Oh! My comment didn’t post!

What I said was that I thought the post was brilliant, snarky perfection. 😄

I also maintain that the part where Ben Carson was asked if he was too awesomely kind and caring to bomb innocent children was the apex of horrendous

Thanks both of you for the kind comments.

Can either of you explain to me why on earth why there isn’t an outcry from hill and dale at Ben Carson when he said, “I cut kids’ head open so I could blow them up.”

His new slogan, “Heal ’em up — blow ’em up!”

@1, I listened to the Rude Pundit hootenanny, but it took dedication. Pure sensory overload.

It’s funny — I typed in on Google Images — Hillary as Princess Leia. Up popped that picture. It is kinda scary — whatever you can think of, it is already there.

And another thing — I admit, I was a geeky, nerd kid, but we learned about the nuclear triad MAD defense in social studies when I was in the 6th grade!

I don’t honestly think Donald Trump knew what it was. How can you be a living, breathing, functioning human being and not know that?

Annie, when you stop by, please tell Laker that when I was doing this post, he was the one person who concerned me about authenticity. I knew he would know where I fudged the “Star Wars” story lines.

This is a very clever post, Prolix. I love the picture of Hillary as Princess Leia.

I have to admit I have never watched any of the “Star Wars” movies. I’m not a geek, I’m just weird.

But I’m not as weird as Ben Carson!

Beata, no one, I’m afraid, is as weird as Ben Carson.

Just heard someone report that many people in Baltimore wanted to go to Carson, but he ran a “cash only” practice, thereby, effectively cutting off virtually anyone of the middle class or below gaining his “healing hands”. I’m not sure what version of the Bible he follows.

I am an inveterate geek when it comes to science fiction. If there was an UBER UFO service, I would have them on speed dial.

@6: Never heard of MAD? Good grief as Charley Brown would say. (didn’t he say that?)

@10: Early on when I was diagnosed with a rare type of brain tumor, several top neurosurgeons at Johns Hopkins looked at my MRIs for free and gave their opinions. In fact, that was a standard practice although there might be a wait of several months. But Carson would not. He seemed to believe he was very special. I’m not surprised to hear that he refused to help people of moderate means. He is a hypocrite on so many levels.

Beata@9: I second Prolix.

@12: On a related note, I recently found out the specific chemical I was exposed to as a child as a result of living near a factory. It won’t help me now but it does provide some answers about how I got sick. The list of side effects the chemical causes so exactly matches my illness, it is eerie.

@13: LOL. I’m glad the general consensus here is that I am not as weird as Carson. I’ll sleep easier tonight.

@15: Well now “weird” is in the eye of the beholder isn’t it?

Some synonyms for weird:

bizarre, quirky, outlandish, eccentric, unconventional, unorthodox, idiosyncratic, surreal, crazy, peculiar, odd, strange, queer, freakish, zany, madcap, outré;

So how about we go with zany, madcap and outré ? 😉

Prolix, love the post! Very funny! Only you could pull this off. I’ll get laker to check it out when he gets home.

Beata, your story is very interesting. It doesn’t surprise me about Carson. He seems like a megalomaniac. Can you tell us what the chemical is?

@14, Beata, it didn’t occur to me you might have first person testimonial about Carson withholding health care for money.

Up until now I just thought he was a clueless, ego maniac. With this information, now I find him disgusting and a worthless excuse as a human being. He no longer deserves a pass at any level for his stupidity.

@17, Annie, I will anxiously await Laker’s review and whether it is thumbs up or thumbs down.

@Beata and Prolix: I agree totally with your feeling about Carson.

I’m not making fun or light of anything but I’m more than certain that Jeebus will no longer be sitting for any portraits with Dr. Ben.

Karma can be delicious:

Martin Shkreli, the boyish drug company entrepreneur, who rocketed to infamy by jacking up the price of a life-saving pill from $13.50 to $750, was arrested by federal agents at his Manhattan home early Thursday morning on securities fraud related to a firm he founded…

In fact, it is not only his drug pricing that has turned him into an object of public derision. He recently spent millions on the only copy of a Wu-Tang Clan album that music fans would love to hear and then told Bloomberg Businessweek that he had no immediate plans to listen to it. He spars often on Twitter and message boards, parading his business strategies, musical tastes and politics; he live-streams from his office for long stretches.

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