The Widdershins

Weak end to the weekend…

Posted on: September 26, 2015

A happy weekend to all Widdershinners.  This weekend’s stories are from a variety of sources such as our friends at News of the Weird.  Enjoy!

PigGate…David Cameron

At one point in his life, David Cameron, British Prime Minister, took the words of E.B. White in Charlotte’s Web regarding Wilbur the pig quite literally.  Those words were, “Wilbur didn’t want food, he wanted love.”

Cameron, the hoity-toity Prime Minister, is a product of aristocratic privilege.  He’s so straight-laced and uptight, when he has gas his butt whistles like a teakettle.

Porkback Mtn.In a tell-all book from a jilted contributor here’s the story:  During an initiation to a select, highly discriminating club, future Prime Minister Cameron allegedly placed his private parts into the mouth of a dead pig – something along the lines of boy meets hog in the most intimate fashion.

For the record, it was the first time, “Sooey Pig,” actually became the sweet-nothings of foreplay.  It can’t be characterized as normal, consensual man/pig love since the irrumation was post pig passing, or in the vernacular it was “necropiglia”.

To date, no industrious British pub has put a BLT, a BLP, on its menu (the “P” doesn’t stand for pig).

 

Dirty, dirty boyz and girlz…

Clinical field trials for Mother Dirt...

Clinical field trials for Mother Dirt…

Having started with a pig/human coupling, I had to follow-up with this one.

The Cambridge, Massachusetts, company AOBiome believes we have dangerously stripped “good bacteria” from our skins via “excessive cleaning”.  AOBiome has introduced a spray product called “Mother Dirt” to add back what they consider good bacteria to our skin.

Chemical engineer and co-founder Dave Whitlock told WBZ-TV this month that he personally “has not taken a shower in over 12 years,” but instead uses his odorless bacteria-restoring mist twice a day to cover himself with helpful “dirt” that activates the “good” bacteria.  Such personal grooming habits also keep staph staff meetings mercifully brief and to the point.

 

More Animal Farm nonsense…

I’m on a roll with the animals this weekend.

According to a petition filed two weeks ago by Carole Mundy (and reported in the New York Post), she is seeking a divorce from her estranged husband Jeffrey Stein.  Stein is a “top administrator” for New York’s Nassau County District Attorney’s office.

Who knew this was a thing...

Who knew this was a thing…

According to Mundy’s petition, Stein’s behavior drove her to post-traumatic stress disorder with certain of his “lifestyle” choices.  The sordid details go like this:

Stein sometimes wore a chastity belt to work.  Now, I ask you, “Who doesn’t on occasion?”

Sometimes during sex, Stein wore diapers.  At other times, he wore “a horse-tail” attached via an anal plug (now there’s some efficient engineering).  Stein “gallop(ed)” around their home, but sometimes had a catch in his giddy-up because of his anal regalia.  Stein was housebroken and used a litter box, thereby alleviating messy clean-ups.

For foreplay, Stein had his wife “walk” him on a leash.  When he was feeling really sassy, he dressed like a “sissy maid” named “Jessica.”  To top things off, Mundy complained about the relatively normal behavior of Stein wanting to be fed and diapered like a baby.

Mundy’s lawyer complained that the marriage was “a bedroom nightmare.”  I would suggest to Ms. Mundy’s lawyer, don’t be too quick to judge if he hasn’t yet attended the extracurricular activities of the ultra-conservative Values Voter Summit going on right now in D.C.  Compared to Mr. Stein’s antics, the VVS attendees look like summa cum laude graduates of the Caligula School of Debauchery and Scrapbooking.

 

Only in Murica and in particular Flo Rida’s home…

The target audience...

The target audience…

Spike’s Tactical of Apopka, Florida, introduced its version of the AR-15 assault rifle this summer “designed to never be used by Muslim terrorists,” as if that is something anyone other than a slime ball marketer would think about.

The AR-15 is laser-etched on one side with a symbol of the Christian Crusades and on the other, language from Psalm 144 (just for giggles, I looked it up, here’s Verse 1: Blessed be the Lord my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight).

Spike’s Tactical CEO Angela Register predicted brisk sales: “Men like to accessorize their guns more than women like to accessorize their outfits.”

Since this is obviously a marketing ploy, I wonder why they didn’t offer a three-fer special where in addition to the AR-15 everyone got a free mullet trim and a spell check on their tattoos.

 

Forget sexual orientation, let’s move on to highway maintenance…

For years now we have heard about “praying the gay away.”  Michele Bachmann’s sweet cheeks, Marcus, made a fortune at it and got paid by the government for “absolutely faaaaabulous gay exorcism”.

Actual Jackson, MS pothole awaiting prayer...

Actual Jackson, MS pothole awaiting prayer…

Well, Jackson, Mississippi, was listening.  The streets of Jackson apparently have potholes capable of swallowing a life-sized Haley Barbour and these mini-canyons are needlessly slowing down the Klan parades – those sheets and torches don’t deliver themselves.

Here’s the problem, Jackson doesn’t have an adequate budget to fix them.

So what’s a mayor to do?  Jackson’s Mayor Tony Yarber came up with his solution in the hot, sultry, cut-the-humidity-with-a-butter-knife, dog days of August. His earnestly offered remedy: Prayer.

Said Yarber, “I believe we can pray potholes away.”  Yarber didn’t elaborate on whether or not the potholes just grew that way or they were exhibiting a lifestyle choice.

 

Some names in the news…Name

Mr. Daniel Gentleman, 28, was charged with choking and punching his fiancé in Prescott, Arizona.

Ms. Charlene Mess, 48, was charged with killing her husband and burying his body in a manure pile in Attica, N.Y.  Ms. Mess was always nasty.

Mr. Huckleberry Finn was charged with sexual assault in Keene, New Hampshire.  No word yet on whether or not Huck had help from Tom Sawyer.

And when the FDA approved the so-called “female Viagra” drug Addyl in August, it was a big deal.  The announcement garnered lots of attention and I’m sure the selection of the spokesperson was painstakingly undertaken.  When asked about the side-effects, FDA spokesperson Dr. Janet Woodcock, said, “There are no hard and fast, hard and fast, hard and fast rules.”

 

Here’s a video for your viewing pleasure.

Have a great weekend and feel free to take the conversation in any direction you might like to explore.

 

 

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46 Responses to "Weak end to the weekend…"

Good job: hideous and hilarious all at once.

Thanks Sue. How is your weekend so far?

Re: AOBiome You see: Pigpen was right!!!

https://i2.wp.com/wiki.tarantino.info/images/Pigpen3sd.gif

About the guy from Nassau county….

If you have a chance, check out the “Beauty” trilogy written by Anne Rice under the pen name of A. N. Roquelaure. Earlier in her writing career she wanted to explore the issues of sex and BD/SM. She and Stan were living in San Francisco at the time and she interviewed a variety of sex workers for the books.

What she did was to take the Sleeping Beauty story and add a few kinks and twists into it. Let me put it this way: Beauty is not awakened with a kiss.

http://www.amazon.com/Sleeping-Beauty-Trilogy-Box-Set/dp/0452294754

Not one of their best games and not the blowout that was predicted but I’ll take the win.

@2: Thanks for asking, Prolix. Not bad, so far.
Media is driving me nuts a usual; every day Salon has a “Hillary is Finished!” headline.
Hope your weekend is stellar.

@4, I’ve sometimes thought Anne Rice and Stephen King might be the same person.

@7, I’ve given up on the media until at least January. Until then it is all about filling space with some semblance of content of dubious relevance.

@8: No, no…not the same person at all.

I don’t think Stephen King would show up to a book signing inside a coffin being carried inside a horse-drawn hearse and wearing a wedding dress. Of course, you never know. 😉

Welp, the Republicans are really doing their best to make sure that Hillary is elected, if she’s able to secure the nomination.

Conservatives to 2016 GOP field: Defy us at your own peril

@11, from the article:

“Conservatives are on fire at the moment,” said Gary Bauer, a former president of the Family Research Council.

I wonder if they ever considered it just might be the fires of hell lapping about their ankles?

@12: Lawdy, lawdy Miss Clawdy!

What Bauer doesn’t realize is that yes, they may indeed be on fiah, but it’s an act of self immolation. 🙂

Oh my! Well congrats to the Wildcats as well as to the Dawgs!

@15, how does one act when there is a football win? I’m quite unaccustomed to such events.

@16: Well you’re supposed to jump up and down, scream and holler and also put the school fight song up here as chat and I do. 🙂

@16: Oh and you could probably get very drunk and then maybe set a couch or something on fire.

Going back and rereading the post, I’m just simply amazed about these gun dealers and the stuff they pull. I think adding the Psalm was just the extra touch that was needed. 😯

Fredster, Laker heard that Kiffin might get fired because of having a couple of affairs, one with Nick Satan’s daughter!?! Hubbie is wondering if its true and was Kiffin on the sidelines?

Trojans are having a great game against Arizona State, 35-0 @ halftime.

Better yet, it looks like the Dodgers are going to win their division.

Interesting post, Prolix. That’s some freaky stuff. We used to watch Bones and I remember they had an episode about the horse fetishists.

annie@20: Nope, those are just that – rumors. The rumors were that he was messing around with the wife of a big-time contributor and then Nicky’s daughter. I don’t think Kiffin is terribly intelligent but I don’t think he’s that dumb.

I watched the game but was switching between Bama and Fl/Tenn. I think I saw the back of Kiffin but not sure I did see they swapped 1/4backs around Even though they won 34-0, it wasn’t that close. I mean, they were playing Univ-La, Monroe…the same team that chat’s dawgs beat fifty-something to seven.

I’m catching the weather now, but I’ve been watching the USC game. Go Trojans!

Okay, this is for Prolix. He must have jumped straight to the drinkin’ and couch burnin’.

Ms. Charlene Mess, 48, was charged with killing her husband and burying his body in a manure pile in Attica, N.Y. Ms. Mess was always nasty.

My understanding was that she was said to be hot, so thus she was indeed a *hot Mess*.

Ooops, I didn’t click on that one above.

Y’all had a great game annie!!

Sorry to be absent from the party this evening, but I was tired and fell asleep early.

Annie, I had no idea horse fetishes were a thing. If ever asked, I would have to say, “Whoa and neigh,” for me.

Thanks Fredster — I wouldn’t know where to start loading up a victorious fight song since it is a relatively new experience for a U. of K. football fan.

Now that I’m awake, I’m watching, Nixon on Nixon, on HBO, about the secret tape recordings of Nixon in the White House. Nixon was an odious human — just detestable without redeeming qualities of any type, kind or fashion.

Prolix, well I think that video actually mentions hoops, but I know the UK fight song music well enough to know it’s the fight song – hoops or endzones.

@28: I’m watching it also now. No wonder they said Pat drank.
However, I’m getting verrry verrry sleepy.

@30, what is a wonder is why Pat didn’t use Hemlock with the Gin in her martinis?

What is fascinating, at least for me, from the vantage point of these tapes, and if they serve any grand purpose for posterity perhaps this is it, is how a weak, tepid man like Nixon attracts other weak, insecure men who swear their fealty to vanquishing shared conjured fears. As water seeks its own level so does paranoia and prejudice.

Just to put the Republican Party into perspective, there’s Rep. Markwayne Mullin of Oklahoma (real name, no space) who is running for Majority Leader in the U.S. House of Representatives. Of course, Markwayne, when running in the 2010 wave, promised to not serve more than three terms or six years. Psst, Markwayne, next year is 2016. Here’s a quote that might clue you in as to why higher mathematics is out of his bailiwick:

“This country isn’t ran by just one individual it’s ran by four branches, but three branches that are in control of this,” Mullin said Tuesday. “As long as those three branches control it, then we all have to figure out how to negotiate. Not all of us is going to get 100% of what we want, but we should do what’s right.”

Oklahoma, where free range word salads roam.

@28: You actually use the same one for basketball and football victories. The only reason that I am so smart is because Georgia Women’s basketball does well. Save that bizarre SEC series that GA men won after the tornado hit the arena in Atlanta, basketball victories are rare for my brothers.

Prolix@32: I almost understood that. So he’s saying, in a roundabout way that they have to negotiate? If that’s the case he’ll never win the post.

Hey look! Boehner actually had some good advice here about the hardliners. Of course no one will pay any attention to him.

@32, good lord. As soon as my mom graduated high school, she got the heck out of Oklahoma, and moved in with her grandmother in Ventura, CA. (chat-Ventura was Ventura before Jesse!), then she moved to Los Angeles. I’m sure there are some nice, and intelligent people there, but my mom hated it.

@36, Annie, I’m sure there are some really nice Okies, but this Markwayne character is one of those Tea Party zealots who believe “the best gubmint is that gubmint what is burnt to the ground and that what ain’t burnt to the ground is left to pollute the air and water in some other fashion.”

@37: So no negotiate? 😦

So Scalise says he is running for Maj. Leader, if McCarthy becomes Speaker. That sounds like maybe they are having issues even amongst themselves in their little clique.

Ugh. Tea partiers. Prolix, love your last line @32. My mom would love that!

Did anyone see the eclipse? Laker & I walked down the hill to Whole Foods and it went black while we were walking and started coming out of it when we headed home. It took a good while though for the eclipse to completely pass. Very cool!

btw, very moving new post up at Hillary Men.

@38, that’s the 411 on these chum spreaders — everyone is a squish other than them. Blow the gubmint up, no compromise — and that comes directly from the intellectual bowels of Rush Limbaugh and his ilk.

Everything I’ve read this weekend indicates there’s a speeding steam engine heading for a brick wall and the train engineer just broke the brake.

@40, missed the eclipse — it’s been cloudy here all weekend, but that is probably because Kim Davis and Huckaboob have prayed to the sun gods to stay away until gay people are rendered permanently invisible. They will probably hold a press conference to announce the eclipse was evidence that the sun gods are in agreement and she will add words to that effect on the marriage licenses — “This marriage license is not sanctioned by the sun gods as evidenced by the lunar eclipse and my luxurious head lice farm.”

@42: Well if Rush said it then…

@43: Got to see some of the eclipse but the same issue here with the clouds.

@41: That was a good piece annie and I tweeted Nick Confessore or whatever as to why they didn’t change the headline for the piece and put in a link to the HillaryMen article. I’m not holding my breath that anything will be done though.

We went out to the Everglades to watch it. Less light pollution, many more mosquitoes. Hopefully we do not come down with dengue.

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