The Widdershins

Hajj ya doin’…

Posted on: September 16, 2015

Reagan Library

It’s that time again!  It is time for the quadrennial hajj to Simi Valley, California, to pay homage to Ronaldus Maximus – seer, sage, and believer of ketchup as a vegetable.  In addition to the four-year butt itch that comes from this spectacle, there will be an umrah as well.  An umrah is a non-mandatory “come with” kinda pilgrimage.

The call to worship for the main hajj will be this evening at 8:00 EDT with the umrah children’s table being two hours earlier at 6:00.  The umrah could prove to be entertaining with Lady Lindsey serving early tea to George, Rick, and Piyush (Pataki, Santorum, and Jindal).  Reports these four will be wearing mau maus with Thank You for Being a Friend from the Golden Girls playing in the background are unconfirmed.

CNN Libary DebateThe physical format will be the same as the scene from the Twilight Zone – you know the one where the monster is on the wing of the plane.  The difference here is that there will be eleven googly-eyed miscreants mumbling “Raygun, Raygun, Raygun” whilst they pee a little bit in their men’s Depends from the excitement of breathlessly yattering his holy name.

Someone will be missing from these festivities and his passing definitely merits a drive-by booting.  Last Friday evening, Rick “Pretty Hair” Perry and his wonderful, most marvelously superb glasses climbed up on the vet’s table and promptly euthanized his mongrel campaign.

Pretty Hair Perry was at a loss as to why his campaign hadn’t blown up like an uninspected Texas warehouse full of ammonium nitrate.  He seems to think a large part of his personal non-combustibility is due to his 2012 back surgery leading up to his famous “Oops” moment.Rick Perry

A fair enough assessment given the fact that Pretty Hair’s back surgery was an unapproved stem cell infusion of his own arse-goo by a friend who ran a medical day spa and had never before done the procedure.  The Oopsmeister’s aggressive use of opiates to heighten his pre-existing dullness probably didn’t help matters.  In any event, may his glasses rest in peace otherwise the mega-donors wanting their money back might be wearing them sometime soon.

Tucked away in a corner of Ventura County (named after Jessie I’m sure), the stomp-worthy weasels of the main hajj will miss Pretty Hair and have to settle for fixating upon Forrest Trump’s pate of the finest, kangaroo scrotum hair money can buy.

One thing for sure, someone is going to find a metaphorical shiv between their third and fourth ribs.  These presidential inmates are all going to be defensive.  They will claim Raygun was a playah; thereby, making him their long-lost daddy.  They will adopt the Reaganesque concept of a “welfare queen” as their mother since none of them were hatched into households with indoor plumbing.  And by the gods of Lincoln Republicanism, they were second year MBA or law students before they could afford shoes.

While their podiums will be made from the finest laminated plywood, it will pale in comparison to the wood they will be sporting behind the podiums as they lovingly call out Raygun’s name as if in the ecstasy of conservative carnal copulation (you know, the good kind of sex that can only occur in the bedroom or church choir loft).   Rest assured, as they pander and grunt, we will hear nary a word about Ronaldus awarding amnesty to 3 million undocumented aliens.

Ronaldus MaximusLikewise, there won’t be a whimper about his Medicaid expansion or raising taxes eleven times while tripling the deficit.  No one will remember his calling the old Soviet Union an “evil empire,” whilst he went right ahead negotiating with them.  And good Nancy almighty, no one will mention when Raygun, as California ”gubnor”,  signed the nation’s most liberal abortion law before Roe v. Wade gave sexless hyenas a reason to live.

None of these facts will be mentioned, but you can bet you’ll hear “trust, but verify” so often you’ll think the Gipper had whispered it into the uteri from whence these wankers sprang.

You will hear Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Scott Walker, John Kasich, Bobby Jindal, Rick Santorum, and others wax poetic about how, at any moment, Raygun will roll back the stone from his tomb and just before ascending to the heavens strapped onto an ICBM missile he will pronounce the Afro-Kenyan in the White House an apostate.skateboarding

In case you haven’t seen CNN in the last six months where the the debate commercials have debate commercials, the event is tonight.  We will be live blogging the event, so tell your friends and come on by.  It should be entertaining in the same way bot fly removal is a fast growing spectator sport.

In any event you can be sure about this:  A dozen or so of these candidates would have a far more productive evening if they visited the Skateboarding Hall of Fame, which also happens to be in Simi Valley, and learned the intricacies of navigating a half-pipe as opposed to smoking one.

As always, your comments and thoughts on any subject are encouraged and anticipated.

162 Responses to "Hajj ya doin’…"

Prolix, your sense of humor is razor-sharp. Your mind is so quick, I can’t keep up with you most of the time, but I love it anyway. Thanks.

Maybe they will weasel stomp one another and save us the trouble.

What Beata said! I just love how you captured the vacant, fact-free creepiness with which the Republicans invoke Raygun’s name. Long live Prolixous Maximus!!

Hail, Prolix!

Thanks y’all — even a blind hog will find an acorn every now and then.

If the Center is the terminus of the Hajj, is his portrait then the Konservative Kabbah?

@6, Chat, I read something years ago about some fanatic who had built a house or a swimming pool or some such crazy thing pointing toward Simi Valley for just that reason.

I think whenever they finish naming every gubmit building of whatever kind or type after Raygun, it might take a little pressure off pointing west toward that barren hillside and I’m talking about the terrain, not the intellectual integrity represented by the “Double R Shrine” — who am I kidding, yes, I am.

Indeed you are.

I tweeted this post Prolix and then saw this so have to share.

So maybe this umrah thing is like Catholic indulgences except that instead of getting some time off in purgatory you get it added on when you go to the Valley shrine.

@9, that is P.E.R.F.E.C.T.!!!!!!!

Everyone don’t forget, Hillary on Jimmy Fallon Tonight Show tonight. Although personally, I wish she and the campaign would just stay away from anything NBC related.

@11: Isn’t it! This a.m. he had Steve Rattner on and just bullied him. Rattner tried fighting back with logic which is pointless with Schmoe.

Schmoe brought out all the usual b.s., comparing Clinton to Petraeus, saying D. Kendall was holding classified info, never mind that Kendal has clearances, and the usual blather. I was almost screaming at the tv: “when is someone going to shut him down and smack him with the actual facts!!”. But that won’t happen cuz they’ll never have anyone like that on the show.

@13, I won’t turn MJ on at all any more. Did you hear they are going to make it an additional hour to 10:00 a.m.

MSNBC is trying to become FoxLite and they are doing it with gusto or is that Crisco.

Out to a thing with the grandmonsters. I’ll be back about 9-ish, so I’ll catch up then.

@14: It’s like a car wreck; at times I can’t help it.

I heard that was being discussed. More time = more lies/bullsh!t !

Oh, Piyush has bandwidth! Who knew?

I’m Scarlet O’ Lindsey Graham.

Piyush started with his first lie about P.P. and thank God was cut off!

I do declare, someone has put some hustle in the Lady’s bustle — whoever it was, I bet he had a wide stance.

Santorum has been drinking his own santorum. Obviously, during the last four years, Santorum has been studying his Sharia.

The Lady loves him some Darlene. He got misty-eyed — obviously he is confused between sniffling and sniveling.

Ditto what Beata said @1! What a funny post! Unfortunately, I will miss most of the debate tonite for a work event.

Laker is annoyed by all these freaks showing up at the Reagan, of which he has happy childhood memories. Besides the vomit inducing tributes to Raygun & Nancy, they usually have very interesting exhibits, such as: First Ladies; Baseball; American Spies; Many of the US Presidents; Civil War; Magna Carta on display, plus Rayguns Air Force One, which you can walk through. So it is a popular place for field trips for kids, and they usually have kid-interactive things at these exhibits. Laker probably went to one field trip there a year, plus we went a few times on our own (they have a fun 4th of July event with free hot dogs and watermelon). Also, those rolling hills used to be green from Dec through April, not lately though with this drought.

So, Laker has been making us laugh all week with his fantasy ideas for breaking up the event; such as, streaking in back of the candidates, or dressing up as Gandalf and standing in front of the bldg with a staff and shouting “you shall not pass!” when the kooks arrive, or overriding the PA system and playing the Darth Vader theme song as they file in to their podiums.

Catch you all later!

Santorum can’t count beyond 20 — is it a coincidence that’s the number of fingers and toes — I think not!

@23, please come back soon Annie and tell Laker, I’ll be watching for his camera bomb of the debate.

Santorum just said he supported the equivalent of a half a Diet Coke increase in the minimum wage — how positively Charles Montgomery of him.

@annie: I love laker’s ideas of Gandalf and the Darth Vader music!

The Lady just did three snaps and a Twerk calling the Afro-Kenyan a wimp. Is that irony or what — the Lady throwing around wimpishness — maybe he doesn’t understand what irony is.

Piyush and the Lady are falling in gay love with one another. It will be the first “same sex miscarrige”.

When it comes to the military and men in uniform, the Lady is all about size.

@30: Oh there will be toe-tapping!

Oh here we go; the parade of the wannabe prezes.

I bet every one of them (minus Carly of course) got wood walking into the arena seeing that decrepit old Boeing plane stuffed and mounted. Hey maybe Carly got one too-who knows.

I hate the spin room jabber from the candidates, their surrogates and the chattering class.

I really have to wonder why Rubio is in there.

Piyush and the Lady are blowing off the group photo — hmmmm.

Trump is actually talking to Ben Carson — do you think he’s saying, “I love your people especially the ones I own — I mean the ones who work for me.”

Is that Huckabuck in there too? Pourquoi ?

Where’s the organ grinder? No, I don’t mean the Lady.

Piyush and the Lady are blowing off the group photo — hmmmm.

Awwww, how cute. ♥ ♥ ♥

“Love is in the air…”

@39, all Kim Davis’ exes voted for him.

Will Huckabuck mention lil Kim?

The legacy of a man who didn’t know what the hell he was doing.

Ted Cruz: I’m the only man who shut down the Fed govt and pissed off everyone.

I’m Ben Carson: I operated on brains but personally don’t have one of my own.

I’m Yeb! I’m here because, uh, my daddy and my brother.

I’m Scott Walker. I hate teachers and my state is going down the tubes.

Huckaboob said they are the A Team — A$$wipes Team.

Rubio made a funny.

Cruz is the human equivalent of Ipecac.

Scott Walker forgot his boy scout kerchief.

Kasich, no he didun’t — shining city on the hill.

Chris Crisco hates him some Afro-Kenyan.

And Trump goes for the first strike against Ayn Rand.

Oh my good Lord — someone ought to take Rand Paul to Great Clips.

Why are they so concerned where Donald Trump’s fingers are? I want to know where they’ve been.

Scott Walker woke up.

Call Kevorkian — stick the needle in Scott Walker.

so Scott woke up and now it’s time to put him down?

Mmm…carly knows being a leader.

If Ben Carson’s eyelids were Kohler blinds they would be recalled. Open your eyes — did he close his eyes when he was ramblin’ around inside people’s heads.

Jeb! is like a tire with a slow leak.

Donald: I’m the only unsullied-by-money candidate. Huh? What?

Yeb! has energy now!

Carly: Fish don’t know they are in water, does that make me a mermaid.

I’m glad you guys are watching. One time watching that creepy freak show was enough for me.

Bush got shushed by the Donald.

Carly, take the fish out of the water and see if they figure it out.

Oh boy RUSSIA! Where’s Palin???

Hiya GA — please forgive our silliness.

Ga: I missed a lot of the first one. I watch it, but with the idea that it’s a Gong Show episode.

Carly will shut down Russia’s HP laptops!

Cruz — I are a lawyer — smart is me.

The U.S. is losing its sovereignty?

Kasich was gonna say slap the sh!t back on, I swear he was.

Cruz be smart…axe him!

Walker has a bad case of lip sweat. He doesn’t want to have Putin over. Save the bullets on the 21 gun salute — call it good.

Yeb!: Mah daddy!!!

Walker, for the life of me, looks like a large ventriloquist’s dummy.

Huckabuck: We must stand by Israel because…End Times

Huckaboob: Iran will kidnap my Kim Davis and hold her for bacon ransom.

@76: but who has their hands up his @ss moving his head and lips? Oh yeah, Koch Bros.

hehehehe Rubio said, “Prick”.

Iran will kidnap my Kim Davis and hold her for bacon ransom.

Calling Paula Dean, calling Paula Dean.

Cruz has the most constipated doomsday face known to humankind. If he had brain one, he would hightail it to the nearest plastic surgeon and say, “Take it off.”

Cruz doens’t understand that Hillary has a bigger set than all of them combined.

Cruz could go that Scify show “Faceoff”.


Maybe Cruz could get Doc Carson to remodel his face from the inside out.

Huckabuck: How many other 5-4 decisions have there been?

Huckaboob: — Kim, Kim, Kim — me loves me some Kim.

Jeb!: I believe in accommodation — me like Hyatt’s best.

I’m a Muslim cashier at Kroger and I am NOT checking out that bacon and ham!!

Kasich was making sooo much sense there and then he had to do the P.P. thing.

Cruz, me love me some Planned Parenthood porn. Let’s have a watch party.

@91, they are all like that — keep it between the lines and then they head straight for the ditch line.

@92 And of course every one on that stage knows that video was a setup and doctored.

Carly repeating her canned memorized lines on her first day first actions..been there done that.

Carly Fiorina is only going to sell black and white printer ink to Iran — take that Khomeini!

Trump calling Kim Jong Un a maniac — now that is the pot calling the kettle teal.

Oh! so he meant that *other* Kim.

Scott Walker’s stupidity just set off seismographs in California.

Take break, bring out the treats to hand feed the candidates for performing so well. Careful though, a couple of them will snap!

Oh Gawd! we’ve only been through one hour???? 😯

It would save the world a lot of problems if someone had the keys to that plane and just taxied over these bowling pins.

Damn Donald! Is MS13 that wide spread?

@102: Let’s see if Laker is around there. 😆

Or maybe we can get this guy.

Chris Crisco is apologizing for not wanting to bus 12 million people to Mexico — where would we get the Greyhounds?

Laker, start that plane and take a sharp right!

@105: We ship out with Fed Ex. We’ll add UPS if necessary.

Bush, I love my wife. My wife loves this country and its people. Ergo, Mrs. Bush loves Donald Trump.

Donald: We get rid of all the Mexicans who is gong to make the Chimichangas?

Donald sounding like Piyush.

@108: Brilliant!

Trump: Jeb! gotta speak ‘Murican.

Jeb!: I speak gooder ‘Murican, but I like guacamole.

Rubio: But now, I want to talk about my grandpa.

Rubio: My family is Cuban, therefore we are different and we’re not Mexicans.

Carson wants those crop workers! Ben, were any of your family members sharecroppers?

Isn’t it amazing that Cruz can talk so plainly while he has Trump’s uglies so firmly in place in his mouth?

Rubio: All my neighbors are immigrants — ICE to the Rubio neighborhood.

No Marco, you don’t know immigration because your family was Cuban and as soon as they hit the beach they got a break in the process.


@116: but if they’re Cubans, automatic admission once they touch land.

Someone needs to help Gentle Ben’s eyelids.

Oh boy – anchor babies!! Where’s Piyuush?

@119: He’s dreaming of doing mass frontal lobotomies on the other candidates. Hide the hammers!

I got it — Gentle Ben is being held hostage and he’s doing Morse Code with his eyelids.

Carly doesn’t understand about majorities in the Senate.

The Dems don’t want to “solve” immigration. The Republicans don’t want to lose their housekeepers and gardeners.

Trump’s legal theory is held by the Unibomber and bin Laden’s third cousin. Beyond that — not much.

I’m leaving Carly’s narrative to you Prolix.

@124 — LOL

Carly: I put fuchsia on the HP color wheel.

Carly — Trump you are a deadbeat and I am writing that in a 24 point font and bolding it.

Crisco Chris: Be quiet Carly you, you, you woman interrupting us men folk.

Kasich just called Ohio a hole.

Oh boy Huckabuck wants a consumption tax. Great for the rich, not so good for the rest of us.

Huckabuck should be eaten by a pack of wolves with diarrhea.

Gentle Ben is a fool.

@129: He would know.

@133: but he speaks politely.

Gentle Ben’s eyelids are blinking, “Help me PLEASE!”

Someone hit Walker with an aileron.

Hugh Hewett just ejaculated all over the side of that airplane!

Carly mumbling talking bad about Kasich.

@138: Cleanup on the airplane. get a squeegee.

Crisco Chris: I am going to sit on top of Hillary Clinton and pull her pigtails.

Chris Christie is a graduate of the Morning Schmoe school of lying.

Oh Gawd, I don’t think I can make it through the last 10 minutes. I may have to stick sharp objects into my neck wound. Please end NOW!!

Trump and Hewitt are gonna get a room after the debate.

This is on for another hour. I don’t have the strength.

If Rubio could wiggle his ears he could be classified as a Cat 2 hurricane cause.

@145: Oh dear Lord I don’t think I can make it, especially since we’re the only ones who showed up. Wanna call it quits? I’m willing.

He could fly away.

Jeb!: My daddy’s friends are my friends — my bubbie’s friends are my friends — I don’t have my own friends because I’m a Bush — go figure.

It’s 10:00 and these people have worn me out.

Me too. How bout we close comments and call it a night? My fingers are tired and it’s antibiotic time so I need to eat also.

Rand Ho: Can’t we just give peace a chance? Make love not war. What time is it? 1968 is a good time to be alive.

Okay, can you close out the comments? I don’t really know how.

I’ll put something new up tomorrow.

@153; Yeah I can do that. I took a pain med last night and the damned thing actually wired me up! So I’m just seriously needing rest. On the bright side I might get my hours turned around!

Okay, see ya mañana Prolix. (Did that on purpose!)

Omg, you guys were on fire tonite! Sorry I missed it! We all three howled over the parts about laker driving the jet over the candidates, and loved all your snark.

I have two questions:

@51, did he really talk about ayn rand, or did you mean rand?

@129, did he really?

Hugs to you both. A masterful performance!

@155, We needed you Annie, Laker, and hubby. Laker why didn’t you start that plane and save the world a lot of heart ache?

@51, nope, it wasn’t Ayn Rand — Trump right out of the box sucker punched Rand Paul. Rand Paul is so pitifully out of his league I’m not sure he could find the bathroom.

@129, Kasich said — not exact quote, but close, “I came into office as Governor of Ohio and went into the hole of being in debt billions of dollars,” blah, yada, blah, yada.

Kasich did pretty well over all — although his policies and philosophies are really scary, he doesn’t seem scary, but compared with someone like Cruz who really is “Freddie Krueger” scary, Kasich seems normal.

It was fun.

You & Fredster rocked! We laughed our heads off.

@annie: I put in Ayn Rand cuz supposedly he was named after her (?). I think I read that someplace.

@156: Prolix Kasich talks good sounding stuff but he’s had his whacko moments. My Dem friends in Cincy can attest to that.

Isn’t that just the sad part? Put him in that group and he almost sounds rational. 😯

It was hard trying to listen and type a comment and get it posted somewhat timely.

Oh and Trump did hit Carly on HP. And I just now saw this on her time at HP:

And Trump was right about the fact that HP is getting ready to lay off another few thousand or more employees. I believe they want to lay them off and then bring them back as contractors.

And apparently some things haven’t changed since Carly was there.

I have an HP laptop and other than one issue right after I bought (which was fixed at their expense) I’ve been satisfied with it. I’ve got a feeling it may give up the ghost soon and I really don’t want to get another HP, but the alternatives aren’t that great either. Dell or Lenovo?

Ah well…good night or good morning y’all.

Fredster, thanks for all the extra info. Your last sentence @ 158 says it perfectly.

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