The Trump and Chimps Show: Live Blog
Posted on: August 6, 2015
Welcome to the Widdershin “Trump and Chimps Show!”
Entering the debate…
Directions: The following is a list of questions about certain issues for tonight’s debate. Your answers should be cataloged as the time elapsed from the beginning of the debate until the event. For instance, question one asking, “When will Trump use his first superlative?” Given the elapsed time from the beginning of the debate until it happens, that would be answered 0:02 — meaning two seconds after the debate begins.
We will tally up the times and the person with the total time closest to the events will be declared Jane Goodall of the politichimps. In the event of a tie, there is a tiebreaker.
The debate is tonight at 9:00 P.M. EDT on your Faux News channel. The earlier “kids’ table” debate was everything you’d expect it to be: Rick Perry’s smart glasses didn’t work, Piyush Jindal still needs to wash his hair, Carly Fiorina had an anticipatory snarl before she said “Hillary Clinton,” Rick Santorum is still running against some guy named Romney and the horse he rode in on — Rafalca, and everyone still wants to know, ‘Who the hell is Jim Gilmore and wasn’t he executed in Utah back in 1977?'”
For Republicans, certainly a handsome crowd prepared for all those 3:00 a.m. “hairy situations”…
Fox trotted out their show ponies Bill Hummer Himmer Hemmer and one of their fungible blondes — I don’t know which.
The Fredster created form is over on the right side under “Politics” along with a handy, dandy stopwatch for your timing pleasure.
As a reminder, here are the questions:
- At what point will Donald J. Trump use his first superlative — e.g., best, most brilliant, highest envy, lowest loser?
- At what point will someone say Obama or Barrack Obama?
- At what point will someone say Hillary or Hillary Clinton?
- At what point will someone say Obamacare?
- At what point will someone say Benghazi?
- At what point will someone say “secure the border”?
- At what point will someone say the Iran deal sucks?
- At what point will someone take on the Supreme Court over marriage equality?
- At what point will one candidate say the name of another candidate?
- At what point will someone say the country is at a crossroads/cliff/precipice/in danger/existentially threatened/in its darkest days – you get the idea?
Tie breaker: Which candidate or candidates will fail their urine tests and why?
A simian Obamacare emergency preparedness drill…
We will live blog until the debate is over or until our fingers bleed. Like great artists, we suffer for our art — only thing is, being political animals, suffering is second-nature when there are events like “The Trump and Chimps Show.”
Enjoy!
152 Responses to "The Trump and Chimps Show: Live Blog"
August 6, 2015 at 8:49 pm
Laker & I are here, but won’t be on til it stops, I’m finishing up dinner. Also, it takes a long time to log in & out for us to change names, and hubs has the other computer, so Laker will just say when its his comment. See you in 10!
August 6, 2015 at 8:53 pm
Howdy Annie and Laker. We couldn’t do this without our left coast precincts reporting.
August 6, 2015 at 8:58 pm
I don’t know what this banter is all about, but I’m going to start my stopwatch at 9:00 on the dot.
August 6, 2015 at 9:07 pm
Carson, a brain surgeon just said, “Having a brain is important!”
The training paid off.
August 6, 2015 at 9:26 pm
You know who sounds the smartest so far? John Kasich. He’s my pick for the nomination.
August 6, 2015 at 9:28 pm
Trump may own Home Depot stock — build a wall with a door in it.
August 6, 2015 at 9:29 pm
Kasich isn’t crazy enough to win in Iowa unless he’s caught hunting down illegal aliens and locking them up in his basement.
August 6, 2015 at 9:33 pm
Winning Iowa doesn’t matter any more, Prolix. Santorum won 11 out of 12 states in 2012 and he was respectfully kicked to the curb and informed that Romney was going to be the nominee.
August 6, 2015 at 9:35 pm
Do we notice a strange preponderance of pasty white-skinned dudes up there on stage? 🙂
August 6, 2015 at 9:37 pm
Oh, Chris Christie – playing the 9/11 card like Giuliani did.
August 6, 2015 at 9:38 pm
D*mn, I hate when I agree with Rand Paul. He’s got a Brillo pad on his head for heaven’s sake.
August 6, 2015 at 9:41 pm
Apparently Ted Cruz would defeat Isis by saying the words “Radical Islamic Terrorism.” 😀
August 6, 2015 at 9:43 pm
Do you get the feeling the “fairly unbalanced hosts” are ignoring Donnie J.?
August 6, 2015 at 9:43 pm
Jeb! says he called all the Iraq veterans in Florida that he can find. I think that’s going on Youtube.
August 6, 2015 at 9:45 pm
@25 – Funny how calling journalists stupid makes them a bit tetchy.
August 6, 2015 at 9:45 pm
But they have their “token”. They chose the black man over the woman.
August 6, 2015 at 9:49 pm
We actually tuned in a couple of minutes late. We couldn’t find Fox!!! I thought it would be on other news channels, but it wasn’t. We were desperately clicking around looking for it.
August 6, 2015 at 9:50 pm
@35 – OMG! I had the same problem. I looked around for five minutes beforehand because I had no idea where it is.
August 6, 2015 at 9:51 pm
They are getting desperate for oxygen — Rand Paul couldn’t look more desperate if he was in shorts mouthing the words, “Please sir, give me more,” from “Oliver”.
August 6, 2015 at 9:51 pm
I think the crayziest are Huck and Carson so far. Trump is just a pandering chimp.
August 6, 2015 at 9:52 pm
Carson batshit…yep.
What a horrible tax idea. 10% for everyone, rich or poor.
August 6, 2015 at 9:53 pm
Jeb! just said “Intellectually honest!” I can’t believe the earth didn’t swallow him up. 😀
August 6, 2015 at 9:55 pm
Did Rubio fly into Cleveland on those ears? I’ve never noticed just how jumbo-sized they are — oopsie, he just heard me talking about him.
August 6, 2015 at 10:00 pm
Kasich, “My dad was a mail man so I understand everyone who gets mail.”
August 6, 2015 at 10:00 pm
Ohhhh, Kasich, you didn’t do your research on Hillary’s economic plan. Tsk tsk…:-D
August 6, 2015 at 10:02 pm
@47: I believe that Herman ran Godfather’s. Domino;’s is headed up by some uber Catholic dude that built his own town complete with a college – Ave Maria, FL.
http://www.avemariablvd.com/
August 6, 2015 at 10:02 pm
Carson – I’m gonna tell people who want to vote for Hillary that they’re useful idiots. Vote for meee!
August 6, 2015 at 10:04 pm
They’re completely falling apart now that Hillary’s name was mentioned. 😀
August 6, 2015 at 10:13 pm
@65, Trump got credit for that at 46:10.
@66, RBF = Resting Bitch Face.
August 6, 2015 at 10:16 pm
@66 – I thought that was BRF :-D.
Wow, I forgot Rick Perry was up there!
August 6, 2015 at 10:17 pm
Scott Walker: I’d tie up Iran in a yellow ribbon and feed them Wescottsin cheese.
August 6, 2015 at 10:18 pm
@68, Rick Perry was at the happy hour debate. His smart glasses have to be home by 9:00.
August 6, 2015 at 10:19 pm
You know what, I think if these idiots want to bring back torture, they should make prisoners of war watch this debate. The stupid, it burrrnnnnsssss.
August 6, 2015 at 10:26 pm
Ted Cruz – Embryos are people and we’ve murdered millions of them.
August 6, 2015 at 10:28 pm
Yes getting boring. They should have stopped at one hour.
August 6, 2015 at 10:29 pm
Jeb! Is completely lying about his record, I’m quite sure. No way voodoo economics works that well.
August 6, 2015 at 10:32 pm
Kasich is fine with legalized gay marriage and just went to a gay wedding. He is by far the least icky of all of them.
August 6, 2015 at 10:33 pm
Kasich is not scary — that’s scary in and of itself. He could win.
August 6, 2015 at 10:35 pm
@81 – Let’s not get carried away :-D…less icky doesn’t mean Hillary couldn’t beat him by 25 points.
August 6, 2015 at 10:39 pm
@83 – Oh sorry! I hope so. It would make me feel better about the Republican Party and where it’s going.
Ted Cruz – I’m leading from Obama-Clinton’s behind.
August 6, 2015 at 10:42 pm
Okay – I’m out. I can’t take it any longer. Great comments everyone!
August 6, 2015 at 10:43 pm
Fox are doing a terrible job. Most of these mfer’s are NOT answering their questions, just dancing around the question with their usual rhetoric. I don’t know why Fox can’t call them out on it.
My hubbie says he’s heard so many lies.
August 6, 2015 at 10:51 pm
Are any other outlets going to host debates with these idiots? Like pbs?
August 6, 2015 at 10:55 pm
@92, CNN I think has the next one. Talk about a Situation Room!
August 6, 2015 at 11:00 pm
I must mention that this audience is vile, and the citizen questions have been ridiculous.
August 6, 2015 at 11:01 pm
Typical Republican closing statement begins: I was born in a stable, we were so poor we couldn’t afford a manger, I lived under a rock until I was 21 and discovered sunlight, my boot straps are bigger than his boot straps — vote for me and we will be at war before the 1% gets their first tax break.
August 6, 2015 at 11:02 pm
@97, I was talking with him before the debate. I don’t know where he is other than there were some storms heading his direction — his electricity might be off.
August 6, 2015 at 11:06 pm
Ok, thanks for letting me know. Are you going to post the answers. Laker faithfully filled his out.
August 6, 2015 at 11:08 pm
Yeah, I’ll post the answers in a few.
Thanks for putting up with my blathering.
August 6, 2015 at 11:23 pm
Here are the answers as best I can tell — discrepancies might be because of stopwatch starting time:
1. At what point will Donald J. Trump use his first superlative — e.g., best, most brilliant, highest envy, lowest loser? 46:10
2. At what point will someone say Obama or Barrack Obama? 23:15
3. At what point will someone say Hillary or Hillary Clinton? 4:20
4. At what point will someone say Obamacare? 46:30
5. At what point will someone say Benghazi? 0:00
6. At what point will someone say “secure the border”? 22:24
7. At what point will someone say the Iran deal sucks? 43:05
8. At what point will someone take on the Supreme Court over marriage equality? 0:00
9. At what point will one candidate say the name of another
candidate? 4:10
10. At what point will someone say the country is at a crossroads/cliff/precipice/in danger/existentially threatened/in its darkest days – you get the idea? 11:44
These are the urine test failures as recorded by TMZ:
Donald J.: Rogaine poisoning
Marco Rubio: Human Growth Hormone — those ears!
Chris Christie: Roid Rage
Rand Paul: Whitman Sampler of marijuana
Huckleberry: Communion wine laced with hate
Cruz: Given his Pinocchio nose growing problem, Snout beetles and Maple Weevils
Scott Walker: Fermented Wescottsin cheese curd
Bush, Carson and Kasich: Severe Propofol addiction
August 6, 2015 at 11:40 pm
Kasich talked about the Supremes marriage decision; I think he said something like he didn’t agree with it, but had to comply with it.
For the urine test failures, Laker had Trump, because of his orangutan heritage, and I had Ted Cruz because he’s preggers.
August 6, 2015 at 11:48 pm
@105, yeah, Kasich did talk about the Supremes, but his comments about same sex wasn’t in the negative or at least I didn’t take them negative enough to qualify. You can appeal to the “line judge”. I might have been too tolerant and in shock because there was an “unscary” Repub up there.
I like the urine test failures — I just wonder who the father is for the Damian child of Cruz.
August 6, 2015 at 11:48 pm
Laker had: (these are EST, we didn’t use the stopwatch)
1. First statement by Trump
2. 9:23 Jeb
3. 9:04 Rand
4. 10:03 Jeb
5. nada (laker says a reporter said it though)
6. 9:23 Jeb
7. 9:43 Jeb
8.
9. 9:03 Trump
10. 9:44
It looks like you and Laker agreed on most of them. I had to give up, was getting up and down too much and missed too much of it.
August 6, 2015 at 11:52 pm
Here’s an executive decision: Laker is the official John Goodall of the politichimps. Congratulations Laker!
August 7, 2015 at 12:05 am
Laker: (he’s bowing) Thank you! Thank you! Actually I didn’t really win, Prolix must just like me.
August 7, 2015 at 12:09 am
Laker: Donald Trump could end up being the best thing for democrats, I think.
August 7, 2015 at 12:12 am
From HillaryMen:
“In the first prime time GOP debate, no matter who says what, no matter what zingers and gaffes and one-liners make the news, Hillary Clinton is the dominant candidate. What a spectacle: ten men mustering every ounce of negative energy they have to stop one woman from making history.”
http://www.hillarymen.com/latest/gop-primal-stop-hillary-scream
August 7, 2015 at 12:29 am
Laker: You won by Executive decision and you are right, I’m partial to young right-minded sane voters like yourself. Donnie J. might well increase his lead with his performance. The guy is nut-crazy and Ben Carson is not far behind in the crazy car caravan.
@112, I really like that — 10 men mustering every ounce of negative energy to stop one woman from making history. That is a keeper line.
I haven’t yet heard from Fredster. I wrote him a note a couple of hours ago and haven’t heard back.
Annie, Laker, and Hubby — the Jon Stewart finale is pure class. Watch it if you get the chance. And there is a surprise musical guest.
August 7, 2015 at 12:32 am
Laker & I will watch it for sure. Now laker is going nuts over who the surprise musical guest is. He is guessing Springsteen.
August 7, 2015 at 12:33 am
He guesses Springsteen because they’re both Jersey boys, and laker says Stewart worships Springsteen.
August 7, 2015 at 1:00 am
Can we have a Republican debate every nigh? These are the best laughs I’ve had in a month.
August 7, 2015 at 1:11 am
Well, do you want me to you who it is? All I can say, this “Night” it was someone special who traveled for a “Meeting Across the River” through the “Backstreets” and it was a real “Jungleland” especially when you got to an accident involving a Ben & Jerry’s freezer truck where it was a real “Tenth Avenue Freeze Out,” but I digress, I guess I was just “Born to Run” my mouth.
August 7, 2015 at 1:14 am
@116, well, it looks like Fox has fallen out of like with Donnie J. They have been merciless on his monkey butt. Frank Luntz convened a focus group and they were not feelin’ the love for the comb over and under and through the woods hairstyle.
August 7, 2015 at 1:17 am
Laker, I saw Bruce the first time in 1976 in a venue of only about 800 people. That was the first of a dozen times. I want to have his babies.
August 7, 2015 at 1:57 am
I am soooo effin’ angry mad! The wx guys were semi correct and we had some storms move through. I had emailed Prolix and chat and talked about the power blinking off. It did that a couple of times and then went out for about 10 mins. Welp when it came back on, had power and cable but the internet was d.o.a. ARRRGGHHHHH!!!
The whole thing was so disgusting. I think I saw one time where Amazon sold barf bags on their site. I think in preparation for the next and subsequent debates, I’ll order a dozen or so. It will be much more sanitary than puking in the trash can.
August 7, 2015 at 2:05 am
A combative Donald Trump, the billionaire businessman-turned-presidential candidate, jolted the first Republican debate of the 2016 campaign by warning he might run as an independent if denied the GOP nomination.
Please Donnie, make it so.
August 7, 2015 at 2:09 am
@120, Sorry Fredster, but glad you are okay. We missed you and were worried about you.
August 7, 2015 at 2:42 am
Prolix, I’ve never been able to prioritize my desires on utilities outages, but not counting power. Do I want to lose the teevee or the internet?
BTW, my guesstimates on who would say what and when were horribly off.
Oh and indeed Amazon does sell barf bags. I picked these because they have a bigger opening for hurling purposes and are somewhat attractive, that is, if a puke bag can be attractive. 😉
August 7, 2015 at 2:52 am
@123, yes, those are smart and attractive, but given the sheer magnitude of what lies ahead with this herd of chimps — I suggest 39 gallon Hefty yard bags with odor resistance.
August 7, 2015 at 3:55 am
Prolix@124: I think you are totally correct sir but oh Lordy who is gonna carry them out? 😮
August 7, 2015 at 3:56 am
I had to make an emergency trip to Wally world for something to nuke for a v-e-r-y late dinner.
August 7, 2015 at 3:59 am
Fredster!!! You were missed and we were worried about you, just as Prolix said.
August 7, 2015 at 4:08 am
Prolix, I went offline before your comment @ 117, so it was a surprise, although Laker called it correctly! (So proud!)
We’re jealous that you saw Bruce so many times. When I was a young pup, I dated a guy for several years who was a music producer and recording engineer for a famous studio. He knew tons of rock stars, his bf was the lead singer of a very famous band. Anyway, in the late 70s or early 80s, he went to see Bruce in concert. He was blown away, said it was the best performance he ever saw and said he could never imagine any other performer generating so much energy. I always remembered that for some reason.
August 7, 2015 at 5:22 am
annie, I’m so freakin’ furious with Charter. I’m not technical enough to understand why we can get tv cable back after a lights out but the same provider can’t get the internet back at the same time. There was a pretty good amount of lightning around so maybe something on the internet side got whacked. I just know I was mad as hell.
August 7, 2015 at 6:13 am
I say let’s keep this thread going for another day and keep these comment numbers climbing.
The Donald playing coy:
August 7, 2015 at 7:08 am
Well, glad you’re back now and safe, that’s the main thing. Trump was such a tool.
August 7, 2015 at 7:09 am
Prolix, I forgot to compliment you on the cute chimp pix in the post!
August 7, 2015 at 8:18 am
@128, hints as to who is the lead singer?
Bruce is the best concert, best show, best music, best storyteller, I have ever seen. The 1976 concert will always be my favorite because that was the night my love for Bruce’s and E Street’s music came to be. Clarence Clemons was always exceptional — never to be replicated.
Stevie, Nils, Patti, Max — just amazing. No musician can tell a story like Bruce. He is just so genuine, present, and real. Little story — one concert in Louisville he and some of the band members went to the big mall. They wanted those big chocolate chip cookies. Leaving they spied a lady with kids wrestling with a bunch of packages. Bruce carried her packages out and loaded up her car. Swoon! I’m such a fan — will always be.
August 7, 2015 at 1:55 pm
{{{{Sigh.}}}} I’m just too old for Springsteen. The tone-deaf troubadour of my generation was Dylan, whom I still cherish.
August 7, 2015 at 2:43 pm
Agree with everything you say about Bruce and the band. I’ve always thought he was good looking and “real”, so I’m not surprised he would help anyone.
Weirdly enough, Charlie Sheen did the same thing for me once, about 15 yrs ago. Laker was a little guy and having muscular dystrophy was always falling forward. I was carrying two grocery bags out of the store and laker walking next to me and he took a hard fall. Sheen was just entering but turned around to help me. I had to carry laker and sheen carried my bags to my car for me. My late step-son was a good friend of his oldest daughter, Cassie, and he was always doing little things for their little group, like paying for their grad nite @ Disneyland.
August 7, 2015 at 3:15 pm
@135, that gives Charlie Sheen a whole new persona. Charlie Sheen went haywire somewhere along the way, but it is good to know there’s a really good guy down in there some place.
August 7, 2015 at 3:34 pm
Yeah, I’ve heard he’s pretty far gone now. He helped a friend of mine once when her car broke down on one of our scary canyon roads (Malibu Canyon Road, I think), that was also back in the 90s. I’ve seen him around a lot over my lifetime, I used to live near Martin, his dad. The clan was always polite to us regular people. They stood in line at places and waited their turn, never demanded special treatment, etc.
August 7, 2015 at 6:02 pm
That’s an amazing story about Charlie Sheen annie. I guess at one time there was hope for him. Now…not so much.
August 7, 2015 at 6:51 pm
OMG! I’m watching Fox News Channel. I can’t believe it.
ROFL! I thought the same thing!
@117 Hahahahahaha
August 7, 2015 at 7:28 pm
Sophie, you win the door prize as the 140th customer through the door. We don’t yet have the door prize, but we’re working on it.
August 7, 2015 at 7:56 pm
I’m watching Tweety right now so here’s a question: Who do you think was the worst performer in the debate last night?
I’m leaning toward Rand Paul. Perhaps I expected more from him from seeing him before. Then too, he could have been distracted by the indictment of three of his “associates”.
I’d say second was Ben Carson. I think maybe he medicated himself before the start of the debate.
August 7, 2015 at 8:05 pm
Agree totally on Rand being the worst and Carson being one rung up from worst. I think Carson has less business up on that stage than Trump. I blamed Carson’s fresh haircut on his loss of coherence — sorta like a psycho-Samson.
Now honestly, how can you purport to be a neurosurgeon and not believe in evolution? Really!
August 7, 2015 at 8:53 pm
@Prolix: I’m not gonna try to outdo you on the Carson/evolution thing, but how can you be a biology major from Brown and a Rhodes Scholar and feel the same way? These people amaze me. Strike that. Their supporters are the ones who amaze me.
August 7, 2015 at 9:27 pm
TCM is going a Hepburn retrospective today and at 9:00 CDT they’re going to run The Lion in Winter.
Peter O’Toole plays Henry III and Hepburn plays a great Eleanor of Aquitaine.
August 7, 2015 at 10:37 pm
@145, Evolution denial has to be political expedience because I’m sure one or more of them, while reshuffling the rocks they live under, have seen the fossil imprints.
August 7, 2015 at 10:48 pm
Oddly, none of my Repub friends seem interested in discussing last night’s debate with me.
August 8, 2015 at 3:39 am
How on Earth do Chris Christie and Jeb Bush get to be "moderates" in that venn diagram? http://t.co/C2Lv0xFvy3
— skooks (@skooks) August 8, 2015
August 8, 2015 at 3:45 am
Feeling in need of a Trump insult? Here ya go:
http://time.com/3966291/donald-trump-insult-generator/
and will give a result like:
Goofball atheist Fredster never had a chance.
Comments are closed.
The Widdershins 
August 6, 2015 at 8:39 pm
Good evening Widdershinners!
I’ve got a mouthful of Altoids since I’m awaiting this debate with bated breath.
Mark your debate forms and prepare your stopwatch. Only 20 minutes now.