The Progeny of Ham the Astrochimp…
Posted August 4, 2015on:
Being the well-read Widdershinners you are, you already knew Ham was the first Hominidae launched into space. Ham was affectionately known as the first “astrochimp”. Given the proclivities of the Republican field for flinging waste, I thought it would be entertaining to catalog this troop of politichimps.
The following is a list of questions about certain issues for Thursday night debate. The answers should be cataloged as the time elapsed from the beginning of the debate until the event. For instance, question one asking, “When will Trump use his first superlative?” Given the elapsed time from the beginning of the debate until it happens, that would be answered 0:02 — meaning two seconds after the debate begins.
We will tally up the times and the person with the total time closest to the events will be declared Jane Goodall of the politichimps. In the event of a tie, there is a tiebreaker.
The debate is Thursday evening at 9:00 P.M. EDT on your Faux News channel. There will be a “kids’ table” debate earlier at 5:00 P.M., but this contest is reserved for the big politichimp event at 9:00.
- At what point will Donald J. Trump use his first superlative — e.g., best, most brilliant, highest envy, lowest loser?
- At what point will someone say Obama or Barrack Obama?
- At what point will someone say Hillary or Hillary Clinton?
- At what point will someone say Obamacare?
- At what point will someone say Benghazi?
- At what point will someone say “secure the border”?
- At what point will someone say the Iran deal sucks?
- At what point will someone take on the Supreme Court over marriage equality?
- At what point will one candidate say the name of another candidate?
- At what point will someone say the country is at a crossroads/cliff/precipice/in danger/existentially threatened/in its darkest days – you get the idea?
Tie breaker: Which candidate or candidates will fail their urine tests and why?
Please feel free to share your thoughts and your total time.
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