Posted July 16, 2015on:
Have you ever received a large denomination gift card from a place at which you would never, ever, not in a million years, darken the doors? You can’t regift because no one you know would ever shop there and to boot, you hate to shop.
About ten years ago, I was given a large gift card from Cabela’s. I don’t hunt, fish, trap, or otherwise find myself aroused at the thought of proving my manhood by inflicting pain upon sensate beings with brains the size of peas. Call me crazy, I just can’t bring myself to kill for pleasure, but what to do with the two hundred, fifty dollar gift card?
If you don’t know, Cabela’s is quite the experience. Every once living creature has been stuffed and taxidermied into an eternal, glassy-eyed stare, not unlike the look given when Sarah Palin is asked, “What magazines do you enjoy?”
Staring eye-to-eye with a stuffed bipedal polar bear in a frozen state of hors d’oeuvre salivation is not my idea of a fun shopping excursion, but I had that gift card burning a hole in my pocket. And so I shopped, randomly selecting things with reckless abandon since it didn’t cost me a thing. There was no consequence to my actions – it was a legalized “drive-by looting” with a $250.00 cap. It didn’t hurt me, it didn’t hurt the animals, and it was a free space in the great capitalist continuum.
That is exactly what is happening on the historic Iran nuclear deal. The Republican presidential hordes, along with the Republican congressional swarm of pitchfork wielders, have a free space – it costs nothing for them to roll around on the floor gnashing their chompers for all to witness. They can pander, aggrandize, exaggerate, and disassemble. They can appeal to the basic instincts of the peacock-brained crowd. Reckless abandon doesn’t cost them a thing. Having an iota of expectation for them beyond that is the equivalent of believing Cabela’s will soon be a petting zoo. Ain’t gonna happen.
As I listen to the likes of Tom Cotton, who, after thirty-seven minutes in the Senate, was cued-up to denounce the agreement two nanoseconds after it was announced, I hear Rumsfeldian double-speak. Cotton, unburdened by not having read a word of the agreement, is enigmatic of the voices who banged the drum for invading Iraq in 2002 and 2003. Then there’s Lady Lindsey almost tripping over a malfunctioning hoop skirt to declare in full breathless vapors, “I do declare this is the unkindest thing that cad who calls himself Obama has ever done.” Then there’s Jeb! the always excitable boy who declared, “No one should ever make deals with dictators!” He should know from bargaining with dictators since he is genetically programmed to do so given both his father and brother did that exact thing when they were the Bushes potted at 1600.
I won’t even try to get into the nuance and minutiae of the agreement since like all climate change denying Republicans, “I’m not a scientist.” What I am is a “long-memoried librul” who finds utter disgust in hearing the same “mushroom cloud, me Tarzan, them Jane, testosterone-infused, horse hockey” last heard thirteen years ago when we waltzed into a quagmire costing perhaps a half million lives and wasting three trillion dollars.
Boil the criticisms of these clowns down to the nubbins and what you have is, “If I was the President, I could have gotten a better deal,” a logic like, “If a bullfrog had wings he wouldn’t bump his ass each time he jumped.” Most of these jokers have never negotiated a used car, but they somehow believe somewhere hidden in their hubris lies a shrewd negotiator capable of besting Putin, the Chinese, the Iranians, Germany, France, Great Britain, and the EU all at once. Let’s just say these “wannabe” stellar negotiators won’t be driving off with any new floor mats in their 1972 Gremlins and Chevettes.
There are loads of articles explaining the deal here, here, here, and here. There is none better than this one, explaining the sheer folly of those who, as they did with Iraq, believe bringing Iran to heel will merely take a couple of bombing missions and we can call it good in a matter of hours. Remember when Darth Cheney said we would be greeted as Iraq liberators with flowers at our feet? Well, he and his ilk are again proclaiming, “The only bad war is one we haven’t yet started.”
These war-lusting ninnies believe if they say it in their hermetically sealed conference rooms at the Heritage Foundation, it will suddenly be made so in the sands of the Middle East. Their inanity exterminated the only counter-balancing top line predator in the region, thereby unleashing the hegemonic wiles of the hard-line, America-hating, Iranian Shiite mullahs.
Unlike the run up to the Iraq War, if there is one good byproduct in this whole episode, it is that Netanyahu can’t depend upon the mouths of Bushites to call for war. There is no corner in the Oval Office in which Bebe can hide this time – he has to be the one out front saying, “America, I have another little errand for which I need to borrow your military and your treasury.” Netanyahu is overplaying his hand when a majority of Americans want a negotiated deal.
Next year I hope the voters remember the Republicans who tried to give us an Iranian gift card and convince us it was a free space without consequence. Losing untold lives and trillions of dollars has a tendency to leave scars – we best remember their cause.
As always, your thoughts on any subject are encouraged and welcomed.
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