Posted April 25, 2015on:
It’s the weekend and I’ve found some stories for your not too contemplative pleasure. I hope you have a great weekend. Next weekend, of course, is the Derby so remember to get your big hats and seersucker suits out of storage. There is nothing so dampening to a Derby party than the overwhelming stench of wafting mothballs interfering with the aroma of beaten biscuits, country ham, cheese grits, and copious amounts of flowing bourbon.
As always, I am particularly beholden to the compilers of the weirdest news from around the world for these news items, but I plead guilty to the editorial comments. The pictures are from the eruption of the Calbuco volcano in Chile.
The National Gallery of Australia hosted a special series of tours of “James Turrell: A Retrospective” earlier this month. Among other things making this retrospective special was the fact that all the guests were nude – not scantily clad, nude as an Olan Mills pictured baby on a fuzzy rug. Stuart Ringholt, an artist himself, staged the tours and was clad in his finest skin being that he was nude for the event. The post-tour party was also staged completely in the nude giving a decidedly new meaning to the term cocktail reception. No unsightly stains were reported, but there was a nasty burn from the hot cheese dip.
On February 9th of this year, during a single traffic stop in Alderson, West Virginia (I’ve been there for the great whitewater rafting — not visiting Squeeky Fromme who was housed at the Alderson Women’s Prison), six people from the same family were arrested. The family business seemed to be trafficking in stolen power tools. One relative traded a leaf blower, hedge trimmer, and weed trimmer for Percocet tablets. I guess given Chinese currency manipulation, stolen power tools just don’t buy what they once did.
Not to be “out family arrested” in the event America’s Funniest Home Videos was watching, a month later, members of an even more charming family were caught in raids in Elyria, Ohio. Thirty-four people – all related to each other – were arrested in connection with a $400,000 drug operation. Family reunions have been postponed for at least ten years unless early probation intervenes.
In March, two men serving time for anti-gay murders became the first same-sex couple allowed to get married behind bars in Britain. The romance blossomed after the two men met at the prison library — inevitably, in the psychology section.
Kimberly Kitchen, 45, was as successful estate lawyer in Huntington, Pennsylvania. She had more than 30 clients and was successful in her ten-year career. So successful she had been made a partner in her law firm and had served as president of the local bar association. That all came to an end last December when someone quite inconveniently revealed she wasn’t an attorney. Her diploma, bar exam results, and other documents were all forgeries. Charges were filed against her in March. No word yet if she will represent herself pro se.
Wayne Clark, 52, dropped dead of an apparent heart attack after walking into an Aldi grocery store in Edgewood, Maryland. Mr. Clark had entered the store and promptly announced he was robbing the joint, but was unceremoniously stopped in his tracks by the heart attack. Mr. Clark was not taken into custody.
Waiting for Superman
While thousands of Japanese women accept commercial pornographic movie roles, only a dwindling number of males are available. One estimate puts the number at only 30 males industry-wide and they are referred to as “stallions on call”. The undisputed king of Japanese porn is an “actor” known as “Shimiken”. He is 35 and in such demand that he works as many as six movies a day with very few days off.
Shimiken’s oeuvre, according to Details magazine, includes 7,000 films, with at least 7,500 “co-stars” including once “starring” with 72-year-old twins or considering they were twins, twice.
Speaking of Japanese Whoppers
For a limited time and only available in Japan, Burger King is offering a Burger King branded cologne. Early reviews have been favorable. The cologne’s scent mimics the Whopper’s savory “flame-grilled scent.” Nothing says romance like the smell of raw meat rendering down over an open flame.
What’s on your mind today? Take the conversation in any direction you might deem necessary and proper. Better yet, take the conversation in any direction you might deem neither necessary nor proper.
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