Good afternoon Widdershins. The “Elderly Testosterone-inhibited Personage of the December Solstice” — a prolixous way of saying, “Old Man Winter” just will not give it up. We are expecting perhaps a foot of snow this evening after four to six inches of rain plus all-time record low temperatures — floods, they are a’comin’ and yesterday was the anniversary of the tornado that completely chewed-up and destroyed our little town. Perhaps if Sen. Jim Inhofe were hog-tied to the newly replaced flagpole in our town square, as the leading Koch-head climate change denier, he might exhibit Jethro Bodine’s acumen for science or at least Jed Clampett’s commonsense.
Yesterday was a big day. Speaker John Boehner decided it was moderately unseemly to put the nation at risk based upon nothing more than a robust loathing of the President. He called up the funding bill for the Department of Homeland Security. Unfortunately, 167 members of his Republican caucus felt no such embarrassment or no such concern for our safety by voting against the matter. It’s just plain hard to overcome a good case of the Obama “hates”. If not for Nancy Pelosi once again riding to the rescue, Boehner would have found himself corseted and astraddle of the railroad tracks.
There was another thing happening in Washington yesterday. Something no one, not a single solitary soul, can recall ever happening before. John Boehner, the same one doing his best Nell Fenwick on the railroad tracks, cheekily welcomed Bibi Netanyahu to the well of the People’s House to challenge the foreign policy of this country.
All I could think about was the Eagles’ song Lyin’ Eyes and its refrain:
You can’t hide your lyin’ eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise.
I thought by now you’d realize there ain’t no way to hide your lyin’ eyes.
As a way to explain yesterday’s breach of protocol and seditious assault on our national sovereignty, I’ll use some of the words of Lyin’ Eyes to elaborate. That is if you will suffer the not-so-poetic license I’ll employ.
You see, Bibi “just seemed to find out early how to open doors with just a smile.” His invitation to speak before a joint session was conjured between Boehner and Ron Dermer, the new Israeli U.S. Ambassador. Dermer is a graduate of the Frank Luntz Finishing School of Sewer Politics where the proud motto is “the biggest turd always travels the fastest“.
Netanyahu knows that “every form of refuge has it price” since a joint session of Congress was the way to cushion his falling popularity in the upcoming Israeli election, but Bibi knew he was “headed for the cheatin’ side of town”. What Netanyahu needed to convey back home was simple — he has so badly handled the relationship with the Obama Administration, he had to show he could go over the head of Obama and appeal directly to Congress. Trouble is — there are Generals, the Mossad, former officials, other candidates, Cabinet secretaries, and a majority of Israeli voters who lay the blame squarely on Netanyahu’s shoulders and have publicly stated his decision to speak was a mistake.
Bibi “wonders how it ever got this crazy? Did he get tired or did he just get lazy? He’s so far gone he feels just like a fool.” The premise of Netanyahu’s speech is incredibly inane. Inane is too urbane a word — his whole premise is something just short of a Three Stooges retrospective. Here’s Netanyahu’s logic: Although no deal has yet been negotiated, Netanyahu says whatever the deal might be, it must be rejected.
This leaves two prongs on the Lyin’ Eyes decision tree. Prong One is the incredibly asinine Bibi theory that proceeds like this: Iran is run by crazy, suicidal, apocalyptic mullahs who will suddenly awake under economic pressures of greater sanctions and suddenly, afore-noted craziness aside, come to the realization that electricity for the majority of their country is not such a big deal after all.
Prong Two will ring familiar. It is the military, occupation, regime change option. Since Iran starts with an “I” just like Iraq — all we have to do is dust off those plans since they worked so well last time. Just bombing the sites will delay the enrichment program two to three years at the most. The only long-term solution is forcibly ousting the theocratic Irani leadership and replacing them with something more suitable to Netanyahu’s preferences. Maybe Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld could be on the pledge rush committee? What can go wrong? The last time we installed a Shah everyone seemed to think it was a great idea.
Bibi “gets up and pours himself a strong one and stares out at the stars up in the sky. Another night, it’s gonna be a long one. He draws the shade and hangs his head to cry.” Netanyahu’s ability to forecast the future is as audacious as a slug’s pole vaulting ability. In 1992, as a member of the Knesset, Bibi said, “Iran will have an atomic weapon in three to five years.” In a 1995 book, Bibi wrote, “Iran will have an atomic weapon in three to five years.” That was twenty years ago.
Something more Cheney-esque and cogent to this review is Bibi’s strategic analysis in 2002. One year and one day after 9/11, September 12, 2002, Bibi, occupying an all important pivot position during a Cheney/Rumsfeld congressional circle jerk, declared Saddam Hussein had WMDs and was actively pursuing a nuclear arsenal. Thirteen years later Bibi made no mention of his 2002 Congressional testimony and his rush to war.
“My, oh my, you sure know how to arrange things. You set it up so well, so carefully. Ain’t it funny how your new life didn’t change things. You’re still the same old person you used to be.” Yesterday was Netanyahu’s declaration of war. He made it clear he will act alone knowing full well the U.S., as a doting big brother, will come to the rescue.
But here’s the thing — these negotiations are not between the U.S. and Iran. These negotiations are among the P5 + 1 — U.K., France, Russia, China, U.S., plus Germany. Netanyahu didn’t just call Obama an incompetent fool yesterday. He didn’t just call the State Department a bunch of pikers. What he did was to arrogantly call out all the countries participating in these talks. He also offered not one whit of advice on how we negotiate around the five other powers if we go it alone. Forget a coalition. Forget funding. Forget U.N. participation. The Iranian war and occupation will be on our blood and our dime.
Bibi, “you can’t hide your lyin’ eyes”.
If there is shame in all of this and shame had a color, it should be orange. John Boehner wears it so well.
Take the conversation in any direction you might like.
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