It’s Hvalur 2 Time…
Posted January 17, 2015on:
It’s the weekend! We have survived the first week of a Republican Congress as well as the Oscar nominations. When you come to think about it, there’s not much difference between the two. Both are populated by a bunch of white guys engaged in self-congratulatory hakas while generating copious amounts of self-reverential smoke self-infused via their orifice of choice.
For a change, I thought we would start out a bit differently today. Considering the Republican jockeying for president went into warp speed this week, it occurred to me dynasty embarrassment seems to be a thing of the past.
So here’s a quiz for you: Considering just Mitt, Jeb, wooly headed Rand, plus their fathers, collectively how many times, including 2016, have they run for president? The answer at the end of today’s post.
It’s Thorrablot Time!
Break out your mukluks and don your warm apparel, next week is Iceland’s mid-winter festival Thorrablot. If you haven’t booked your flight, consider this a helpful reminder. During Thorrablot, Icelanders sample epicurean delights of the old days like ram’s testicles, rotten shark, and soured whale fat, but this year they are being treated to a new special edition beer.
The beer, a product of an Icelandic microbrewery Stedji, is flavored with fin whale testicles smoked in sheep poop. One of the brewers and world-class connoisseur of the understatement, Jagbjartur Ariliusson, said, “We smoke the testicle by the old Icelandic way, with dried sheep shit, and this method gives the beer a really unique smoke flavor.” Unique indeed!
The beer is called Hvalur 2 and is actually the second whale-flavored beer from the brewery. Last year they teamed up with whale hunting firm Hvalur to make a beer out of whale meal, a byproduct of processing whale meat. Evidently that beer was missing something, ergo tweaking the recipe with the addition of testicles and sheep poop.
New Car Blues
Alexandra, New Zealand — A couple, aged 68 and 65, were hospitalized after spending almost 13 hours locked in their car inside their own garage. It seems the night before they had gone out to sit in their new Mazda 3 and forgot the battery-operated key. They were unable to remember a salesman’s tutorial on how to unlock their new car and spent the night in the car assuming they were trapped. They failed to try the old-fangled doors that unlock manually.
Mao’s Little Red Panties
Yulin City, China — A man was arrested and charged with stealing more than 2,000 items of underwear from women in his neighborhood. An overachiever, his nicking of all these knickers was achieved in just a year. He hid his stash in the ceiling tiles of stairwells in his apartment building. Due to poor construction standards, his panties came down when the ceiling tiles caved in due to the weight of the colorful lingerie.
Evidently, knicker-nabbing is quite the pastime for Chinese gents. Just within the last month, two other men have been detained for similar crimes. One of whom concealed the purloined panties under his pants while wearing them.
You’re so good lookin’!
Zhengzhou, China — Who needs money when you have a pretty face? At Jeju Island, a Korean eatery in Zhengzhou, people are allowed to dine at no charge if they happen to be among the five most beautiful patrons of the day. Contestants are invited in by way of a bold sign saying: Free Meal for Good Looking. Those wishing to compete have their pictures taken and they are then seated in a “Beauty Identification Area.”
I’m sure you are wondering who are the judges? A panel of local plastic surgeons evaluate the potential diners on the quality of their faces, eyes, noses, and mouths. Bon Appetit!
Speaking of Plastic Surgery
London — British makeup artist Jordan James Parke, 23, fell in love with the look of Kim Kardashian. He has spent the equivalent of $150,000 on “more than 50” cosmetic procedures to adopt her “pouty” look, including lip and cheek fillers, eyebrow tattoos, and laser hair removal. Parke said, “I love everything about Kim… the most gorgeous woman ever. Her skin is perfect, her hair, everything about her.” No mention was made of that which has made Ms. Kardashian famous, her quite ample parking garage.
Has anyone seen A.K.?
An employee of India’s Central Public Works Department (CPWD) has been found guilty of “willful absence of duty” and dismissed from his position as assistant executive engineer. A.K. Verma went home sick from work and thus began his odyssey.
Mr. Verma left work one morning in 1990 and simply didn’t return for 24 years. The CPWD said, “He went on seeking extension of leave, which was not sanctioned, and defied directions to report to work.” Although he came under investigation in 1992, he was only fired earlier this month — January 2015. Formal proceedings to dismiss him did not start until 2007, and it took seven more years for the department to actually reach a decision that he might not be interested in working there any longer.
When work is a drag…
Cardiff, Wales — Twenty-six year-old Alex Noble worked in finance and he realized it was sucking the ever-living life out of him. He took that as a vocational opportunity so he quit his job and embarked on a career path of the undead. He now works as a professional zombie — a real job.
Noble had nibbled at the edges of the lifestyle for five-years before he made the sauntering shuffle to full-time zombie. He worked for free as an extra in movies, TV, and games, but as he tells it, in the end his talent couldn‘t be hidden, “People started noticing me because I was doing things differently. I had a niche look and I was grunting differently.” Sounds like Alex should hoist himself a Hvalur 2 and celebrate.
Answer to the quiz is beyond the click.
The answer to the quiz:
Considering the three candidates, Romney, Bush, and Paul, plus their fathers’ collective campaigns, all told they have run for president no less than a dozen times. George Romney (2), Mitt Romney (3), H.W. Bush (2), Jeb Bush (1), Ron Paul (3), and Rand Paul (1).
In looking up these numbers, I happened across a quite colorful quote from the then governor of Ohio about George Romney’s 1968 presidential candidacy. The quote: Watching George Romney run for president is like watching a duck make love to a football.
Here’s a video of the week:
Enjoy your weekend. Take the conversation in any direction you like.
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