The Widdershins

It’s Hvalur 2 Time…

Posted on: January 17, 2015

It’s the weekend! We have survived the first week of a Republican Congress as well as the Oscar nominations. When you come to think about it, there’s not much difference between the two. Both are populated by a bunch of white guys engaged in self-congratulatory hakas while generating copious amounts of self-reverential smoke self-infused via their orifice of choice.

For a change, I thought we would start out a bit differently today. Considering the Republican jockeying for president went into warp speed this week, it occurred to me dynasty embarrassment seems to be a thing of the past.

So here’s a quiz for you: Considering just Mitt, Jeb, wooly headed Rand, plus their fathers, collectively how many times, including 2016, have they run for president? The answer at the end of today’s post.

Thankfully there are good folks who chronicle weirdness and strangeness in the news. All these stories except the gratuitous snide editorial comments come from their fine work.

It’s Thorrablot Time!

Break out your mukluks and don your warm apparel, next week is Iceland’s mid-winter festival Thorrablot. If you haven’tHvalur Beer booked your flight, consider this a helpful reminder. During Thorrablot, Icelanders sample epicurean delights of the old days like ram’s testicles, rotten shark, and soured whale fat, but this year they are being treated to a new special edition beer.

The beer, a product of an Icelandic microbrewery Stedji, is flavored with fin whale testicles smoked in sheep poop. One of the brewers and world-class connoisseur of the understatement, Jagbjartur Ariliusson, said, “We smoke the testicle by the old Icelandic way, with dried sheep shit, and this method gives the beer a really unique smoke flavor.” Unique indeed!

The beer is called Hvalur 2 and is actually the second whale-flavored beer from the brewery. Last year they teamed up with whale hunting firm Hvalur to make a beer out of whale meal, a byproduct of processing whale meat. Evidently that beer was missing something, ergo tweaking the recipe with the addition of testicles and sheep poop.

New Car Blues

Alexandra, New Zealand — A couple, aged 68 and 65, were hospitalized after spending almost 13 hours locked in their car inside their own garage. It seems the night before they had gone out to sit in their new Mazda 3 and forgot the battery-operated key. They were unable to remember a salesman’s tutorial on how to unlock their new car and spent the night in the car assuming they were trapped. They failed to try the old-fangled doors that unlock manually.

Mao’s Little Red Panties

Mao's Little Red BookYulin City, China — A man was arrested and charged with stealing more than 2,000 items of underwear from women in his neighborhood. An overachiever, his nicking of all these knickers was achieved in just a year. He hid his stash in the ceiling tiles of stairwells in his apartment building. Due to poor construction standards, his panties came down when the ceiling tiles caved in due to the weight of the colorful lingerie.

Evidently, knicker-nabbing is quite the pastime for Chinese gents. Just within the last month, two other men have been detained for similar crimes. One of whom concealed the purloined panties under his pants while wearing them.

You’re so good lookin’!

Zhengzhou, China — Who needs money when you have a pretty face? At Jeju Island, a Korean eatery in Zhengzhou, people are allowed to dine at no charge if they happen to be among the five most beautiful patrons of the day. Contestants are invited in by way of a bold sign saying: Free Meal for Good Looking. Those wishing to compete have their pictures taken and they are then seated in a “Beauty Identification Area.”

I’m sure you are wondering who are the judges? A panel of local plastic surgeons evaluate the potential diners on the quality of their faces, eyes, noses, and mouths. Bon Appetit!

Speaking of Plastic Surgery

London — British makeup artist Jordan James Parke, 23, fell in love with the look of Kim Kardashian. He has spent the Jordan James Parkeequivalent of $150,000 on “more than 50” cosmetic procedures to adopt her “pouty” look, including lip and cheek fillers, eyebrow tattoos, and laser hair removal. Parke said, “I love everything about Kim… the most gorgeous woman ever. Her skin is perfect, her hair, everything about her.” No mention was made of that which has made Ms. Kardashian famous, her quite ample parking garage.

Has anyone seen A.K.?

An employee of India’s Central Public Works Department (CPWD) has been found guilty of “willful absence of duty” and dismissed from his position as assistant executive engineer. A.K. Verma went home sick from work and thus began his odyssey.

Mr. Verma left work one morning in 1990 and simply didn’t return for 24 years. The CPWD said, “He went on seeking extension of leave, which was not sanctioned, and defied directions to report to work.” Although he came under investigation in 1992, he was only fired earlier this month — January 2015. Formal proceedings to dismiss him did not start until 2007, and it took seven more years for the department to actually reach a decision that he might not be interested in working there any longer.

When work is a drag…

ZombieCardiff, Wales — Twenty-six year-old Alex Noble worked in finance and he realized it was sucking the ever-living life out of him. He took that as a vocational opportunity so he quit his job and embarked on a career path of the undead. He now works as a professional zombie — a real job.

Noble had nibbled at the edges of the lifestyle for five-years before he made the sauntering shuffle to full-time zombie. He worked for free as an extra in movies, TV, and games, but as he tells it, in the end his talent couldn‘t be hidden, “People started noticing me because I was doing things differently. I had a niche look and I was grunting differently.” Sounds like Alex should hoist himself a Hvalur 2 and celebrate.

Answer to the quiz is beyond the click.

The answer to the quiz:

Considering the three candidates, Romney, Bush, and Paul, plus their fathers’ collective campaigns, all told they have run for president no less than a dozen times. George Romney (2), Mitt Romney (3), H.W. Bush (2), Jeb Bush (1), Ron Paul (3), and Rand Paul (1).

In looking up these numbers, I happened across a quite colorful quote from the then governor of Ohio about George Romney’s 1968 presidential candidacy. The quote: Watching George Romney run for president is like watching a duck make love to a football.

Here’s a video of the week:

 

Enjoy your weekend. Take the conversation in any direction you like.

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36 Responses to "It’s Hvalur 2 Time…"

I guessed seven; had no idea that Jeb or Rand had ever run.
Why do Republicans have such silly names?

And don’t get me started on “Mitt.”

Whale beer!?!? What the heck is wrong with these people? Killing whales is barbaric enough without doing it to make freaky beer. I actually have a sis-in-law from Iceland, and she’s told us a lot of weird stories about it.

My husband is in construction and hears a lot of horror stories about construction work in China (and other places like the ME), but a ceiling caving in from the weight of panties? Good lord.

I personally find KK to be extremely unattractive, it sounds like the idiot in London has never seen her up close. She wears so much makeup and perfume and hair products that standing next to her is like being in a toxic cloud. Her skin is anything but perfect and her hair is very thin, she has tons of extensions on her head which are easily noticeable from even several feet away. She was kinda pretty when she was young and before she changed her face into the rubbery, odd shaped thing it is now, and don’t get me started on what she did to her body, its utterly gross and freakish. I can’t even imagine how many plastic surgeries this bimbo has had to turn herself into a circus freak. So dangerous and stupid.

There was a funny article about Rick Perry “ready to run” on Huffpo, the funny part were the comments, I was laughing so hard, I woke up hubbie. Also, Brownback plan to get Kansas out of its terrible hole–raise ciggie and booze taxes, and put off road work. I can’t believe they re-elected this asshole. What is wrong with Kansas, indeed. Meanwhile, California now has a budget surplus, after our Gov reinstated the taxes on the rich (we have tons and tons of rich people) after Ahnold broke our state. Oh, and our freeways and roads are always being worked on. And the rest of the country is always ragging on California. True, our state elected a couple of pinhead actors, but its no Kansas. A friend of mine had to live there for a year back in the 80s (for a job) and she hated it so much her hair fell out, and she had all manner of health problems. She regained her health and hair a few months after being back here.

Isn’t Brownback the governor that never lives in his state?

Another funny post, “Mitt Romney reinvents himself as anti-poverty warrior.” Hilarious material. A former corporate raider, Mr. 47%, screwing workers right and left, complaining about the income gap.

It looks like the same republican clowns are running again.

@1: Jeb’s actual name is John Ellis Bush. He must fancy himself the reincarnation of Jeb Stuart,or Jeb Stuart Magruder.

Whale-flavored beer? Bleeah!!!!!!!

chatblu, you know that’s funny because I’m married to a man named Tem whose actual name is Thomas Elwin Murray.
And here I was, acting all high and mighty about the funny names of Republicans.

I think its fine to be called by your initials, its just a nickname, but whenever I hear “Jeb”, I think of “Jed” for some reason. As in Jed Clampett.

Sweet Sue, don’t feel bad. Mitt is pretty funny.

Wow…whale b*lls and sheep sh*t. Now that’s a craft beer alright. 😯

I liked the story about the older couple: technology has overtaken us.

i saw this on another site and thought it was cute. I had no idea ermine were so small nor did I know they were weasels. Must have taken a lot of them to make those royal robes and such.

annie said: Oh, and our freeways and roads are always being worked on.

Lil booby in La (when he’s in the state) hired a consulting company (paying them over 8 million $s) to find ways to cut the state budget. One of their recommendations: Cut the thickness of the asphalt by two inches when repaving roads. This in a state where most of the southern part is built on swampland. Genius!

Just sad.

Has anyone informed John Boehner of the impending holiday of Thorrablot? I’ll bet if he knew, he would proclaim a holiday recess.

That little ermine is freaking adorable.

@16, yes, I usually don’t like rodents, but that little thing is too cute. It looked unreal, like one of those Japanese cartoony things, Pikachu or Hello Kitty.

@16 & 17: When i saw that I thought “oh how cute!” and then had to google it. Like I said, I didn’t know they were weasels. Still though, cute as a bug!

C’mon Packers! Pack up the sea-chickens!!

Isn’t there some really expensive coffee that is expensive because the beans have been digested by some animal? Then they poop it out and the beans are finally ground? I mean….

Oops, I meant to add HEY DYB!!!

Good to see you DYB. Does the coffee come in decaf, just in case?

Here’s a fun little thing to read. What if Hermonine was the main character in the Harry Potter books?

@17: socal, I just googled like you do, and you’ll be happy to know that weasels are not rodents.

Ø Superbowl between Seattle and NE. B-O-R-I-N-G.

Yep. I’ll have to take a deep breath and root for Seattle – they have a ‘Dawg on the team.

Good to see you guys too! 🙂

That is hilarious about Hermione! I’m currently listening to Stephen Fry’s audio books of Harry Potter (I’ve read them all a million times, US and UK editions.)

@28: Since I have no likes for either team I probably won’t even watch this game. Touchdown Tom and his team will probably win. Meh.

Oh, I think it’ll be a fun game–Northeast vs Northwest. I think they were the two #1 teams this year also. The Seahawks/Packers game was wild. I thought the Seahawks were dead and buried. You never know. My sisters and their families are excited, I imagine my Wisconsin cousins are pretty bummed.

@31: Well, Indy should have never been in that game. I think when they played Denver, Peyton was playing hurt and that affected the game. Indy was clearly outclassed in this game. And as for Seattle, I just don’t like them. What can I say?

We were rooting for Peyton also.

@33: And after carefully considering things…I’ll have to be for New England. And it’s only because Seattle is NFC and so are the Saints so I want ’em to lose. LOL! Now isn’t that some strange logic! 😆

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