The Widdershins

Happy First 2015 Weekend…

Posted on: January 2, 2015

Good afternoon Widdershins.  I hope this weekend finds you recovered from your New Year’s Eve festivities, rested from the exhausting Anderson Cooper/Kathy Griffin hootenanny some inexplicably find entertaining, and filled with cabbage and black-eyed peas for renewed health and prosperity in this new year.

Here are a few tidbits of weird news courtesy of the good folks who collect such stories for your weekend enjoyment.

Finger Lickin’ Finery

Not a Meg C creation, but you get the idea...

Not a Meg C creation, but you get the idea…

In that you didn’t know about this before Christmas, I know you’ll be kicking yourself for those hard-to-buy-for loved ones who have everything. Meg C Jewelry Gallery of Lexington, Kentucky, introduced a limited line of Kentucky-centric gold-plated necklaces and earrings for the holiday season. What makes these adornments special you ask? Each bobble dangles with not just sparkly metallic substances, but each semi-precious piece dangles with genuine Kentucky Fried Chicken bones. (By the way, I don’t know how you could get any more “semi-precious”.)

It seems the spirit of the Colonel moved Meg (maybe the “C” stands for Colonel) to imbue her jewelry with picked clean KFC wings that were washed, dried, sealed in varnish and conductive paint, copper-electroformed, and then electroplated with 14k gold.

This finger lickin’ finery isn’t inexpensive (the word “cheap” is a qualitative word and the bones utilized here were predestined to be second-hand repurposed, or third-hand if you count the chicken). Small-bone necklaces go for $130 while more formal after 6:00 large-bone necklaces go for $160. Earrings, expunged of their secret herbs and spices, fetch $200 a pair.

According to Meg C, this poultry frippery can accessorize anything from jeans to a lady’s best little black dress. When you care enough to wear the best, buy your jewelry by the bucket. No word yet about how these baubles affect family pets.

More Fashion News

2015 is showing promise — never did you think old Prolix, as a public service, would be bringing you fashion news, but here is some more. Pamela Paquin is a self-described “ethical fur designer”. Good so far.

Again, not a Paquin creation, but who knew Dan'l Boone was trendy...

Again, not a Paquin creation, but who knew Dan’l Boone was trendy…

You see, Ms. Paquin repurposes roadkill — a scavenger courtier as it were. She debuted the first of her anticipated line of road kill furs recently — raccoon neck muffs. “I can literally take two raccoons and put them butt to butt so they clasp neck to neck,” she said. Ms. Paquin didn’t elaborate on contingencies if the last thing through the poor raccoon’s mind was its butt in the unfortunate accident releasing it from the mortal coil and directly to her Singer sewing machine.

Again, these creations aren’t inexpensive. The neck muffs sell for around $1,000, but raccoons yield “luscious fur,” Ms. Paquin said. Raccoons aren’t her asphalt “pelt” of choice though. That honorific is withheld for otter.

As astute Widdershin readers are always ahead of the thought curve, I know you are thinking, “How does Ms. Paquin acquire her inventory?” Ms. Paquin, a Massachusetts lady, leaves her card with various New England road crews — (Hi, my name is Pamela. Will you call me when you have roadkill?  If nothing else, this is certainly an original icebreaker at road maintenance cocktail parties when the orange cone chitchat has run its course).

As is the case in so many businesses these days, it is a question of “branding”. Pamela does business under the name Petite Mort” (“little death” in French, but it is my guess the raccoons and other creatures would consider “grande” a more appropriate descriptor). Ms. Paquin, without the aid of a publicist to tell her when to shut up, added, “Petite Mort also euphemistically engenders women’s post-orgasmic sensations.” Who knew?

From the Police Blotter

police blotter

Tuscon, Arizona — Jose Manuel Marino-Najera filed a lawsuit in December against the U.S. Border Patrol because a K-9 dog had bitten his arm repeatedly during an arrest. It seems Senor Marino-Najera had been napping under a tree near the Mexican border. His lawsuit failed to make mention that he was napping on a bundle of only 49 pounds of marijuana.

Port St. Lucie, Florida — It seems the police in Port St. Lucie don’t appreciate the spiritual effects of meth. A Mr. Keith Berfield, 56 years young, was arrested while in the throes of a spiritual experience courtesy of meth. Mr. Berfield happened to be nude at the time except for a metal ring around his testicles while he was extolling “spiritual things” in the sky.

Waterbury, Connecticut — A lady caught her neighbor having sex with her pit bull. When the police arrived the unnamed man explained, “ISIS sent me” and as further explanation, again without the aid of a publicist, said that the romantic rendezvous between him and the pit bull was destiny since, “This is our day.” There’s a Taylor Swift song in there someplace.

Rockville, Connecticut — John Biehn, 39, was in court and truly is an over-achiever. He was in court on December 15th on an old DUI charge. He was released on bail, but managed to get arrested (and released on bail) three more times in two towns over the following 11 — eleven — hours, twice for DUI and once for shoplifting. Early birds, like early drunks, get the worm, but in Mr. Biehn’s case, it seems the worm was prepackaged and unfortunately surrounded by tequila.

Pomfret, Vermont — Not to be outclassed in the DUI department, a Mr. Dwayne Fenlason, 48, drove his pickup truck into a ditch for which he was awarded a DUI citation. Subsequently, Mr. Fenlason drove an SUV to the scene to retrieve his truck for which he earned a second DUI. Tenacious “D” then drove an all-terrain vehicle to the scene, wait for it, and he earned himself a perfect trifecta DUI charge. Nobody likes a quitter.

Update

This is Sex Mountain...

This is Sex Mountain…

A few weeks ago I reported on Indonesia’s “Sex Mountain” where religious ritual provided that having sex with a parade of strangers provided prosperity. As an update, the governor of Central Java banned the practice because of the “shame” it brings to the island. It seems the shame is centered around the prostitutes who now flood the area in their ministry of horizontal prosperity promoting. The Jakarta Post doubted the ban would be respected by would-be “prosperity pilgrims”. Rest assured, I will bring you more updates as the events on Sex Mountain may warrant.

 

Again, happy new year friends and feel free to take this conversation in any direction you may desire.

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31 Responses to "Happy First 2015 Weekend…"

Wow. That’s quite a collection. Let me think on it for a while.

OMG Prolix! I think you have beaten me at the strange/odd/weird news pieces. I think my favorite is the roadkill furs.

The necklace is a doozy, too. I may be a mountain girl, but………

The furs and the necklace together. What a fashion statement!

@4, the furs and the necklace together could culminate in quite the ugly scene if there are dogs in the neighborhood. Wear that to a pet adoption and you would be going home with a herd of dogs.

Wow, Prolix has an “interesting side” that I never knew existed before now.

I think I’m speechless.

Whoa! That is quite the collection of zany stories, Prolix. I hope I can get the image of that hideous necklace and fur thing out of my head. Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble had classier attire.

Fredster thanks for links on last post. Did you really watch that game again? Hubbie went to work today and could not believe how many people were gleeful over bama’s loss. He said he never knew that the hatred for bama was so widespread. I didn’t know that either.

Prolix@5: Remember the old joke about the kid who was so lonely or ugly or something that his mom and dad had to tie a pork chop around his neck just so the dogs would like him? it was something like that.

annie: Yes I did watch it again. If the SEC puts out a dvd of that game I will buy it. LOL!

He said he never knew that the hatred for bama was so widespread. I didn’t know that either.

Alabama can do one thing no other team can do, which is get all the other SEC teams on the same page of pure hatred of them. 😆

@7: Phyllis, the Alabama fan will ably demonstrate the basis of our loathing:

Hahahahaha!

Dammit, my sister is an artist and eats a lot of chicken-a lot of chicken,
I gave her this idea, years ago, and she just snort laughed at me.
Another million idea down the drain.
Happy New Year, everybody.

Another million idea down the drain.

Sue, isn’t that always the way?

R.I.P. Donna Douglas aka Elly May Clampett.

She has gone to that big cee-ment pond in the sky.

Sue, you need go forward this to your sister. You are due a snort retraction.

getting ready to turn on the a/c before the front moves through and drops the lows into the 20s.

My a/c has been off for a grand total of 4 days, right after I fixed my auto a/c. The rest of the tome? 80’s and humid. We haven’t had “winter” (high 60’s) in three years’

We’re having a cold snap here. It got down to 32 one night. We’ve cranked on the heat, and the dudes are wearing their cute flannel shirts. Its supposed to work its way back up to 80 next week, but I don’t care either way. Winter here is short and mild.

Did you guys see this: the 46 dem senators got 20 million more votes than the 54 repubs. That really bites. i don’t know if I agree with this guy that the senate should be abolished, but since I live in a big (huge) state, yeah, I find the 2 per state to be grossly unfair.

http://www.vox.com/2015/1/3/7482635/senate-small-states/in/5654656

chat@17: Yeah but you live in the tropics!

annie: I saw something about that but didn’t read the article. It would have been too depressing.

pour chatblu

Oh my…the airlines are even trying the patience of the Lord’s representatives here on Earth.

I forgot about this law that takes place this year. California demands that eggs sold here come from chickens in larger cages, so that they can at least move around and stretch their wings. 5 other states are suing California over this. I can’t imagine going into court and demanding to the judge that your state has the right to cram its chickens so tightly together they can’t move and that California stores have to offer their eggs for sale. What gall. If these barbarians insist on their chickens living in cruel, unhealthy conditions, whatever…but they don’t have the right to force their ill gotten eggs on us. We’ve already mandated the emissions from autos sold here, I think we will win these court cases. Would love to hear your take on this Prolix. Its true that I have noticed egg prices are up here a little bit. Don’t care though, would rather have eggs raised as naturally as possible. Geaux California!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/01/egg-prices_n_6403688.html?ir=Green

I’m glad the monks were able to work out their ticket problem with United. Airlines…ugh.

btw Fredster, I still cannot believe that bone necklace, which I see every time I come here!

Well for those farmers in IA and OH, they should just sell their eggs in states that don’t have that requirement. Although I can’t see where giving them just enough room to walk a step or two or flap their wings is gonna hurt anyone. As far as the cost of heat, if they’re in IA or OH they probably should have already been heating the hen houses. Sheesh!

Well I just woke up to check the weather on the computer. We were under a flash flood/flood warning but it has been lifted now. Still, by Thurs. morning, we’re supposed to have lows around 15 ° Thurs morning! 😯 Won’t be an early riser then!!

Later!!

I think I heard Lady Gaga would be wearing nothing but raccoon furs and chicken bones for her next public appearance!

DYB!!! Great ti see you.

DYB@27: Ewwwww!!!

Oh this is too hysterical! I almost wish this would happen. Louis Gohmert says he wants to run for Speaker of the House! Two losers in this video: Tucker and Louis.

Well well well, happy 2015 everyone! 2014, buh-bye.

Imagine what that roadkill artiste could do with an armadillo! The mind boggles.

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