Posted December 6, 2014on:
A holly, jolly Widdershin weekend to you. Even though there are only fourteen shopping days left until Christmas, there is no shortage of weird news. Enjoy your weekend.
It’s Official: Texas Admits to Having Less than Half Its Brains
The case of the University of Texas at Austin’s missing brains has apparently been solved. Prior to Wednesday, as is often the case in Texas, there was much confusion over Texas’ brains.
It seems that most of the 100 brains, preserved in formaldehyde jars, had disappeared from the basement of the Animal Resources Center. Parsing blame, never in short supply in Texas, was quick and sure. There were many theories. Personally, it wouldn’t surprise me if Louie Gohmert, with his own eyes, had seen cantaloupe-calved Hispanics heading south with burros heavily laden with formaldehyde sloshing brain jars.
But it seems a good part of Texas’ brain stash had been disposed of by the university’s environmental health and safety officials in 2002. It appears Texas gets around to checking the whereabouts of their brains about every dozen years whether they miss them or not. The twelve-year brain checking schedule is much more frequent and ambitious than that of the Texas hazardous materials inspectors who dutifully check on warehouses of highly explosive anhydrous ammonia once every never. According to Governor-elect Greg Abbott, “Members of the public only have to go out and drive around and you’ll know where the stuff is.”
The University of Texas statement said the health and safety officials were thought to have disposed of 40 to 60 jars, some of which contained multiple human brains (in technical jargon, those jars were known as “braindominiums”.)
A Mr. Hannaford, a typically skeptical Texan, was leery of the university’s conclusion that most of the 100 brains had been disposed of. “I don’t buy it,” he said. “These jars were designed to hold one brain, and I find it hard to believe that if 40 jars were disposed of, that accounted for all 100 of the brains.” Obviously Mr. Hannaford teaches advanced mathematics at the University of Texas.
In a similar case last year in Indianapolis, David Charles, 21, was charged with stealing 60 human brains from the Indiana Medical History Museum. The police were tipped off by Brian Kubasco of San Diego, who had bought six of the brains on eBay for $600, and immediately suspected they were stolen. It wasn’t determined why Mr. Kubasco opted for just six brains instead of the baker’s dozen deal often offered by eBay. In any event, 2013 was a good vintage year for Hoosier brains.
And just in case if you are wondering, eBay policy prohibits the sale of human remains, with the exception of hair and skulls, as well as skeletons sold for medical use. A reminder, there are just 14 shopping days left until Christmas.
If the Hulk and Catwoman Had a Love Kitten
The color of a bean.
It is Bulgarian seen.
Never is it mean.
It appears this cat is the animal world’s version of a “bottle job”. The cat has taken to sleeping in a mound of crystallized green pigment. There is no word on whether there is any relation to the Grinch. It is thought when the cat gets closer to its ninth life, it will go blond.
It’ll Break Your Back Mountain
There’s a holy “Sex Mountain” on the Indonesian island of Java. Among other things, its function is to make Muslims feel prosperous and optimistic. This is accomplished by having intercourse with strangers. This particular sect of Muslims are not ones to let grass grow under their feet since they got this party started in the 16th century.
It seems the otherwise devout pilgrims pray, bathe, and pair off with other worshippers. They repeat the ritual seven times over 35 days. The 1500s seems to be the earliest recording of the ubiquitous wash, rinse, repeat shampoo directions.
An Australian reporter actually journeyed to Mount Kemukus (edification translation — he did not travel to mount a stranger named Kemukus, he traveled to a mountain named Kemukus). This is the site where the mass adultery takes place. It is near the heavily populated Surakarta.
The ritual is supposed to bring the “good life”. The only condition is that the sex must be with people other than spouses. This caveat is somewhat confusing in that many believe this requirement is, by its very definition, the good life.
Muslim clerics generally denounce the Kemukus experience. This is especially true since prostitutes have recently heighten their ministerial skills and taken to assisting in this religious experience. The prostitutes collect their “offerings” up front before being moved by the religiosity.
Leave the Trees Alone
London’s Daily Telegraph reports in November that a gardener hired by the House of Commons had spent a full day pulling color-changing leaves from trees on the Westminster Palace grounds. The gardener reckoned it would be more cost-effective pulling them off one-by-one than raking them up after they fell.
Quite remarkably, the gardener’s name is “Annabel Honeybun” — really, her name is Annabel Honeybun. I included this story just because I love the name, Annabel Honeybun — the British always seem to have the best names. This fact was pointed out to me by an English lady named Miss Moneypenny.
I’ll Have the I-24
On November 9th in Chattanooga, Tennessee, there was a three tractor-trailer crash. The pileup was one truck loaded with eggs, another truck loaded with cheese, and a final truck loaded with — wait for it — boxes of meat.
While I imagine the Denny’s menu writers sprang into action, here are a couple of my suggestions for appropriate omelet monikers: Given that Tennessee is the Volunteer state — the “Volunteer Vehicular” or if some of the boxes contained jerky — the “Chattanooga Chew Chew“.
Have a great weekend and take the conversation in any direction you might like.
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