The Widdershins

Pssst, hey Santa…

Posted on: December 24, 2013

Happy Christmas Eve my Widdershin friends. I hope you are warm, responsibly festive, and if not with loving family, you are with someone you can reasonably tolerate this holiday season.  And if you find yourself reaching the tolerance threshold, spike the eggnog.


Should the real Santa be a Widdershin reader, I thought we might help him out with some gift ideas for the notable and notorious this year. By no means is this list exhaustive, please add your gift suggestions.

Happy Holidays!

President Barack Obama: A needlepoint pillow for the Oval Office that says: A vision without a plan of execution is a hallucination.

Trey Radel, the coked Congressman: A six-pack of Pepsi.

Anthony Weiner: A rotary dial telephone.

Darrell Issa: A thesaurus since he only knows nouns, verbs, and the word “scandal.”

Ted Cruz: Some green eggs and ham, the only thing he got right during the government shutdown.

Lance Armstrong: Some postage stamps so he will have a start point on paying back the $40 million he owes the U.S. Postal Service.

Leg Lamp

The two rats whose brains were surgically connected earlier this year: A psychic connection with the similarly situated Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity.

The Wal-Mart Heirs: Since they have as much wealth as 42% of the population, a year’s supply of “5 Hour Energy” drinks so that by next year they can have 100% of everything and move it to Bentonville, Arkansas.

The Higgs Boson: Some Texas barbecue since the Higgs Boson and pretty much all science has been outlawed in Texas.

Tiger Woods: A marketing specialist who understands the unflattering irony of his being named “Player of the Year” for the 11th time.

Duck Dynasty: A copy of the gay porn movie The Fluffer starring Scott Gurney, the creator, producer, and marketing guy who created their show and their millions.

Miley Cyrus: Free chiropractic coupons to adjust her twerked out spine.

Any French or Italian politician: A zipper that stays zipped.

Christmas Tree

Kim Jong Un: A family member with whom to spend the holidays because you can’t spell “dead Uncle” without the “Un.”

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West: Each other — enough said.

American public: Five minutes without seeing Will Farrell hyping Ron Burgundy.

And to everyone in the Widdershin neighborhood: The best of whatever makes you the happiest.

This is an open thread awaiting your gift suggestions.


10 Responses to "Pssst, hey Santa…"

Santa tracker is up!

Love them Prolix, especially the Kim and Kanye! 😆

And for lil booby Jindal: someone to slap some sense into his head so he realizes there’s no way he’s gonna be prez or even get the Repub nomination.

We’ll be at The Field this night, communing with the Christmas spirit(s)

Blessings to all, and we’ll see y’all tomorrow.

I would like to give Obama the gift of a liberal brain, but all the good ones are being used. 😉 Happy Xmas Eve, all.

Haha! Ah, what a funny post and comments. I (also) wish you all a pleasant day. Here’s a fun rendition of Feliz Navidad with Jose F. & Daryl Hall (from Hall & Oates). Hall does tv specials he films in his house with various musical guests. Hubbie & I thought this was nice and wanted to share it with you fun & amazing people:

Annie, thanks for sharing that! I enjoyed it.

Fredster, have you ever seen The Ref? Hysterical Christmas movie with Dennis Leary, Judy Davis & Kevin Spacey. My family screams with laughter when we watch it, I highly recommend it.

Hey ya’ll! Merry Christmas! And Happy Festivus! 😉

Comments are closed.

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