The Widdershins

Feminist Wednesday: Of Mothers and Daughters

Posted on: August 7, 2013

Mother and Daughter. I think!

[This post is dedicated to Beata. Hang in there, sister.]

My friends, as McMaverick McCain would say, it’s been a long, long week, and it’s only Tuesday! Good grief. I am having trouble keeping my eyes open to post, but just wanted to quickly share something that happened tonight.

A colleague of mine, who is now basically a bestie, invited me out to dinner with her mother and sister. Not only was it great to be surrounded by women (as usual, we are in the VAST minority on this project), but it was fascinating to see how the ladies interacted with each other.

The person who really struck me was my friend’s mother. Despite her different looks, mannerisms and accent (love the Southern drawl!), she truly reminded me of my mother. Mom was (amongst many other things) outgoing and comfortable with herself, and loved to tell dirty jokes. (My friend’s mom showed me pictures of her birthday cake from her colleagues: It was baked in the form of a toilet that was, let’s just say, unflushed.)

My mother was far from perfect, but I loved her – especially that self-possession and extraversion. I hope that in those ways I have grown to emulate her. You’ll notice I left out the dirty jokes. So, news flash: I don’t usually tell dirty jokes. Okay, I never do, but can sometimes make a wickedly earthy remark or too. I’m a Virgo, whaddaya want?

It was painful, yet wonderful, to encounter another Mom who reminded me of my own dearly departed Mamacita, just 17 years gone. And I expect to keep being reminded of her, and of the deep, unbreakable bond we still possess.

Our mothers are never gone, and for those Widdershins, male and female, whose mothers have passed from this earth state (or who may soon pass), I say from long experience:  You will never truly lose your mother. She will visit you in dreams and in waking, in the faces of strangers and friends, and in the face you see in the mirror. Your grief will pass, and in time, only the love will remain.

This is an open thread.

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8 Responses to "Feminist Wednesday: Of Mothers and Daughters"

Beautifully written.
My own mother, gone 40 years now, still lives on in my head. I can hear her mild Southern drawl till this day,

I lost my mom 19 years ago but she is still there with me in many ways, sometimes even as a guardian angel.

This is very comforting, MB. Thank you.

Great post MB — thanks for it.

In times of grief, we are often too close to the suffering to see the beauty of release. We are all a sum total of our experiences and while we never seem to realize it at the time, we are the people who are best comported to make the decisions about our loved ones. It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but we are. We wish it weren’t so, but it is.

As strange as it is to say, our loved ones are giving us one last experiential gift — the ability to say goodbye. The hardest and harshest of lessons, but one upon which the total of one’s life experience has provided the training and wisdom to make.

Beata, you are in my thoughts.

Lovely post MB.

The other night I was searching for a small band-aid and when I opened the box I got an immediate scent of White Linen, the scent the Momster wore. She must have had that box near either her cologne or the powder she used. I got an immediate rush of memories as soon as that scent hit my nose.

Beata, may you keep memories of her love and share in her peace.

What a lovely post, and comments. MB, I am also a virgo and am too modest to tell dirty jokes!

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