The Widdershins

Hear ye…

Posted on: July 26, 2013

Morning Widdershinners — may your Friday, as the fake London Town Crier said of the new royal baby, be happy and glorious.

Fake London Town Crier

Real life has gotten in the way of writing anything of real substance this week so today’s post will be a smattering of happenings, but wouldn’t you know it, there’s all kinds of newsy stuff happening.

Speaking of the royal birth this week, how long do you think it will take before the new royal baby will be referred to as “Prince Seinfeld”. His name, George Alexander Louis, seems as if it is an homage to George Costanza who was played by Jason Alexander with Julia Louis-Dreyfus co-starring. If only there was a Cosmo or Kramer in the new royal name we would know for sure that Will and Kate have a wicked sense of humor.  I also like the idea of a future king being known as King Kramer.

As for things on this side of the pond, remember the old saying, “Put enough chimpanzees in front of enough typewriters and eventually you’ll get War and Peace.” Well, the same can be said of putting enough wack-a-doodle Tea Partiers in state legislatures.

As an example, down in the great state of North Carolina the Republicans have veto proof majorities in both Houses of the legislature and a Republican Governor. Are they ever busy these days! Let’s take a look at some of their handiwork — closing 15 of 16 women’s health clinics, onerous new voter ID requirements including one proposal to tax the out-of-state parents of students who dare vote, cutting state services so that millionaires can get a $10,000 tax cut, and a proposal to allow concealed carry permits on playgrounds — a “stand your sandbox” law.

And if that wasn’t enough to keep these fine North Carolinians busy, they have waded into the hue and cry of doing something about that intergalactic social problem plaguing us — nip slips. Yes, they are considering criminalizing nip slips with up to six months jail time. To avoid an inopportune prosecution, one male legislator helpfully suggested that duct tape can fix just about anything. So ladies if you are planning a trip to North Carolina, remember to pack your roll of decriminalizing duct tape just in case.

Then there’s San Diego mayor Bob Filner. A former 20-year Congressman, Filner has a weird habit of trying to put his tongue down the throat of City Hall’s female employees. His suggested dress code for women also seems a bit unusual. “Leave your panties at home everyday” hasn’t caught on with the City’s HR department. Filner needs to be run out of City Hall, out of public life, and back under a rock at low tide on the nearest San Diego beach. Best wishes for his seaside retirement.

rivera24f-1-webSpeaking of town criers, I have to mention the unabashed nakedness of the “selfie” crazy. While there seems to be a correlation between emergency rooms reporting a rash of injuries related to people trying to “poke out their mind’s eye,” there hasn’t been a scientific regression analysis to see if the correlation holds, but collective regression is what seems to have taken hold of the prepubescent male publicity seeking crotch sharers.

Over at Fox and Fiends, Geraldo “At Large” Rivera had a little too much tequila and graced the Twittersphere with his 70-year old semi-naked self. His eighteen year old daughter had the good judgment to tell him to deny the world of his awesomeness by taking the selfie down immediately. After having downloaded it for his personal collection, Roger Ailes also told Geraldo to take it down — we are assuming it was the picture and not the towel.

Then there’s the tubular meat portion of the dish taking NYC’s German restaurants by storm, WeinerSpitzer. Anthony Weiner seems to have missed the portion of the Cialis commercial that says, “If you experience an erection that lasts more than 14 months see a doctor immediately.”

There’s a horde of pundits “punditing” that JFK, FDR, LBJ, and WJC all had problems of a similar nature, but were good Presidents nonetheless. I don’t add Anthony Weiner into that pantheon since his initials are AW as in “Awful.“ It took Kenneth Starr over five years and $70 million to find out about Monica’s blue dress. It just took the 40,000 people subscribing to Carlos Danger’s Twitter Feed to find out about Mr. Weiner.

At the very least, Carlos Danger seems to have a serious impulse control problem. (Get your own alias — the name generator can be found here. My alias was “Esteban Death,” but I’m sticking with Prolix.)  I’m anxious to hear the opinions of our NYC residents on the subject of Mr. Weiner.

I started out with no theme for this post, but one has been inadvertently weaved. Whether it be a fake town crier in London essentially photo-bombing the international news media or attention craving dullards tweeting shots of their junk, they should take the advice of one of the earliest town criers who declared in 1607, “It is forbidden to throw rubbish in the river!”  Good advice then, good advice now.

This is an open thread.

Selfie-lessly and yours very truly,

Esteban Death

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18 Responses to "Hear ye…"

Glad to see someone has answered the age old question, “Quis conclamabit ipsos conclamantes?” or something like that. Sad to realize how rusty one gets with no practice.

I just hope George grows up soon so I can marry him (I’ll end up calling him Alex I’m sure) because …. wait for it … I just can’t wait to be King. But I’m sure that’s a tune Charles has been singing for a wihle now. Maybe even Sir Elton plays the piano while he sings and the Duchess of Cornwall watches and fawns over him. Who knows.

As for the chimpanzess and (or at) the Tea Party, I’ve also heard the saying “Put enough people in Wasington with computers and you’ll get the Patriot Act.” and “Put enough old people in black robes and they’ll start saying corporations are people.”

I’d be interested to know NC’s take on what I will call “tip slips”. If they bother to criminalize those at all, I’m sure Cialis CEOs would get a call and bail would be posted immediately for all offenders. Of course duct tape both places. I know a few men… er… women who can testify to that. Of course across the country in Idaho, I’m sure Larry Craig would have been eager to pass any “tip slip” bill in order to get more men into stalls.

Though your post ended up with a theme, my reply sadly did not. I’ve maximized my jokes per capital letter. Hopefully they don’t fall short like Conan on Weiner last night. (Honestly it was bad, and I typically enjoy Conan.)

My internet is finally fixed its been down since 7/23

@2 — h e — your wit is always welcome around these parts — no theme needed.

@3 — Fuzzy, glad your internet is fixed — enjoyed your posts this week. I would have chimed-in in the comments, but real life was busy making me otherwise occupied this week.

@1, Pat — here’s the thing — I don’t care what old AW does on or to his puter as long as the other end of his communique is of age. I say “giddy up” to Carlos.

Where I draw the line is this: The guy is a great speaker, progressive minded, full of self-assurance, but he was a lousy, pitiful, Congressman. No one liked him. He never had anything to do with the Progressive Caucus, he never formed any alliances, he ran to the well of the House and made all sorts of speeches taking credit when others, like Carolyn Maloney had done all the work, and he passed only one bill. He was a major Danger to his staff, he was mean, short tempered, and arrogant — they didn’t like him.

So without portfolio, he decides he should be Mayor of NYC — I like ambition, but to continue to send selfies out to mass audiences and then hem and haw about when the last time he hit send — at some point blind ambition has to give way to reality.

Honestly, I am wondering if he is testing the water to see if he can get away with this aberrant lack of impulse control to see how he might turn Gracie Mansion into some Caligula/Plato Retreat theme park.

I don’t think I’ve e’er literally “lol-ed” in all my life! HA! This is hilarious…..and by the way, my name generator name was “Manuel Menace.” 🙂

@6 — MM — thanks and welcome to our little corner of the blogiverse.

Come to think of it, given Weiner’s proclivities, he could well have been ManUAL Menace.

@Prolix: Real life has gotten in the way of writing anything of real substance this week

Not true! Your Tuesday post was spot on.

Signed,

Fabricio Evil

Hey! I kinda like that!

@Allison: Thanks for coming by!

Good post, Prolix!

Yours truly,

Ricardo Peril

@8: Fabricio, your name is the bestest of all!

@11: Ricardo isn’t bad! Of course with Fabricio, my first thought went to Fabio. Yeah, rite! 🙄

http://www.fabioinc.com/

@12: LOL. Fabricio sounds like a laundry-softener sheet!

I put Fuzzy Bear’s name in and got “Emilio Threat”.

Beata@13: Oh yeah, Fuzzy’s a big threat. LOL!

I put in chat blu and got:

Maximiliano Risk

I put in Madama B and got:

Jose Enrique Gamble

Sounds like a tequilia-infused weekend in Vegas gone bad. We know MB’s had a lot of those!

Oh that does sound like tequila is involved. 😆

@16: You can tell what a big non-drinker I am. I can’t even spell tequila correctly!

@18: And it just popped from my fingers to the keyboard. 😉

However, tequila and I don’t get along too well.

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