The Widdershins

LIGHT FARE SATURDAY

Posted on: April 27, 2013

light-fare-2

Oh my, it’s Saturday which means we’ve survived another week of the shenanigans from our nation’s capital and the politicians who attempt to run the place, as well as the other serious events of the week.  So, let’s try to look at some things on the lighter side, which I skipped last Saturday due to those events.

PROTECTING YOUR CHICKENS

There is a website (which I was unable to get loaded) called The Bookseller which is sort of like a trade publication in England for the publishing industry.  It seems that The Bookseller holds a contest each year for the Diagram Prize, which is given to the book with the oddest title.

This year’s winner was Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop which was written by Messrs. Reginald Bakeley and Clint Marsh which may or may not be available on Amazon.  I did not check.  Coming in at a close second was “How Tea Cosies Changed the World” and right behind the Cosies was a book by Tom Hickman titled “God’s Doodle: The Life and Times of the Penis”.  As I and the comedian have said before, “I shit you not”.  Others that were, say, honorable mentions were: a study of Adolf Hitler’s health titled “Was Hitler Ill?”, “Lofts of North America: Pigeon Lofts”, and a guidebook titled “How to Sharpen Pencils”.  With so many of today’s children making more and more use of the keyboard or keypad instead of writing by hand, I can see the possible usefulness of a guidebook on how to not only sharpen but to actually use a pencil.

Philip Stone who coordinates the prize was totally serious when he said:

 the award might seem just fun but publishers and booksellers were well aware that a title can make all the difference to the sales of a book.

“It spotlights an undervalued art that can make or break a work of literature,” Stone said in a statement.

He cited books such as “A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian”, “The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society” and “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time” as owing part of their success to odd titles.

“The kind of niche, off-beat publications that often appear on the Diagram Prize shortlist might not make their writers or publishers rich beyond their wildest dreams, but the fact writers still passionately write such works and publishers are still willing to invest in them is a marvelous thing that deserves to be celebrated,” Stone added.

The Diagram Prize was founded at the Frankfurt Book Fair in 1978, and past winners include “Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice” and last year’s “Cooking with Poo”, a Thai cookbook by Bangkok resident Saiyuud Diwong whose nickname is Poo.

LITTLE FISH – LONG TRIP

It seems that some little visitors arrive on the coast of Washington State after having made the 5,000 mile trip from Japan to the coast.   The fish, called Striped beak fish  were caught up from the Tsunami that hit Japan in 2011.  The fish were found in the hold of a ship that washed out from the Tsunami and made the trip across the Pacific.

The batch of striped beak fish – five in all – were discovered submerged in the hold of the 20-foot-long fishing skiff, dubbed the Sai-shou-maru, on Long Beach in southwestern Washington.

The vessel, found beached right-side-up, was confirmed this week to have originated from the region of northern Japan devastated in the immense tidal surge generated by the March 2011 Fukushima earthquake.

Other boats carried away by the tsunami have previously washed up along the U.S. Pacific Northwest and Alaska, as have chunks of piers and large quantities of other debris. But the fish found aboard the Sai-shou-maru are the first vertebrates – animals with backbones – known to have made the voyage.

Marine biologists studying the phenomenon are puzzled over precisely how striped beak fish, natural denizens of warmer, shallow southern Japanese waters, ended up as live stowaways in the well of the boat, and how they endured a two-year journey across the ocean.

GUILTY OF MURDER BY MERCEDES

Clara Harris was up for parole in Texas this week, but alas it was denied.

Clara Harris caught David Harris philandering around with his dental receptionist employee person.  Clara said at the trial that after she discovered the affair she wanted to save her marriage so she quit her job, gave him some good lovin’ three times a night, cooked his favorite meals and hired a personal trainer.

She also testified she even went to a tanning salon and scheduled liposuction and breast enhancement surgery to make him happy, only to catch him in a tryst with Bridges at the same hotel where the Harrises were married on Valentine’s Day 1992. David Harris was killed in the hotel parking lot moments later.

Clara found out that all the exercising and cooking and loving wasn’t enough for David because she found he was still seeing the object of his affection Gail Bridges.  Well David said he was going to meet Gail to tell her they were through, except:

On July 24, David told Clara that he was going to meet his lover at a restaurant to tell her they were through.  Instead, the couple ended up in a room at the Nassau Bay Hilton, next door to the spot where Clara and David had exchanged marriage vows a decade earlier.

[snip]

Bridges’ black Lincoln Navigator became the first target of Clara’s rage. She scratched it with her keys and bent the windshield wipers. She then ordered Lindsey to call her father’s cell phone, and lie to him, saying that one of his baby boys was sick.

A few moments later, David appeared in the lobby, holding his paramour’s hand. Clara fell upon Bridges in a hair-tearing, blouse-ripping fury .

Clara insisted she could not recall what happened next, but there were plenty of witnesses, including

Lindsey, who would testify against her stepmother at the trial that started on Jan. 22, 2003. There was also videotape taken by the private eye Clara had hired.

When Clara and Lindsey got into the Mercedes, the girl testified, “She just had this evil look on her face.”
Clara “stomped on the accelerator and went straight for him,” sending David flying 25 feet. Three more times, witnesses said, she hit the gas and rolled over him before hitting the brakes.

Clara insisted that it all was an accident, that she had been aiming for Bridges’ car and hit her husband instead. She had no recollection of rolling over him three times. “Everything was like a dream,” she told the court.

After eight hours of deliberation, the jury found her guilty of murder, which might have sent her to jail for life. But the jury also decided that she acted with “sudden passion,” cutting the sentence to a maximum of 20 years.

To get a good toss of 25 feet I’m guessing Clara was driving either an “E” or “S” class Mercedes.  I don’t think the “C” class has that much oomph to it.  😉

I leave you today dear Widdershins with your inspirational speech of the day.  This is not just one inspirational speech to get you going for the day.  Oh no…try a couple of minutes of inspiring line-reading, all compiled together.

So tell me below in the comments how your day is going or did go.

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10 Responses to "LIGHT FARE SATURDAY"

This post was so inspiring, Fredster. I’m going to kick some butt today.

Clara did what millions of women have dreamed if doing. It was just a mite obvious. Had the roles been reversed in Texas, it likely would have been deemed justifiable homicide.

There’s a very polite table of 5 still awaiting their sushi right outside Osaka.

And in other news, Clara’s problem was that she was a quitter and nobody likes a quitter. Her rolling over philandering David stopped at just three times — had she made it thirty times or until she ran out of gas, today she would have been tanning. After the first dozen times or so, there wouldn’t have even been any real wear and tear on her suspension.

Two suggested names for a book on the art of titling books — “Whatchamacallit,” or “___________.”

Hope everyone’s Saturday is a great one.

Beata said: This post was so inspiring, Fredster. I’m going to kick some butt today.

Thank you. I try…i really try. I might not succeed, but I do try.

Prolix said: And in other news, Clara’s problem was that she was a quitter and nobody likes a quitter.

She should have watched the inspirational video above.

Fredster, very interesting post. I remember that horrible Harris woman (not that her husband wasn’t also totally despicable). Also, liked the fish story. I live in WA state for a few years and back then you could find fishing floats (those cool bubbly green glass globes) from Japanese fishing nets on the WA and Vancouver Island coasts. They would travel across the ocean on the Black Current (Kuroshio…I think…been a long time since I’ve spoken Japanese). Drug smugglers have used currents, btw, dropping their stuff overboard, it flows down the current, and picked up later by a small boat. I love ocean stuff.

socal@6: Well i try to keep it on the light side for the weekend Saturday post. Lord knows there’s enough depressing stuff to cover and deal with during the week.

I didn’t know about the Black Current; thanks for adding that! 🙂

Fredster thank you – truly inspirational post – inspired me to laugh, click all the links and enjoy myself.

Glad you enjoyed it!

I was remembering my brother tonight, which is why I appreciated your post so much. Sometimes memories are painful and difficult. So thank you Fredster for diverting my attention.

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