Remain Calm! All Is Well!!!: A(nother) Modest Proposal (EOW – 296)
Posted March 1, 2012on:
I’ve been thinking.
There’s been a lot said and written about the now-infamous
Vagina Virginia proposition requiring a virginia vaginal ultrasound prior to having an abortion. (Sorry. They are becoming somewhat interchangeable.) Of course, we have only really talked about that particular legislative action because it is so outre. There are many, many more states that have ultrasound requirements that have gone unmentioned because they are less invasive.
Since it seems to be all right for government to demand an unnecessary test in order to undergo a legal procedure, how about if we just take this whole idea forward?
The state has a right to insist on an eye exam before you are licensed. Because of the increase of road rage, what say we have drivers take a psychiatric exam as well? I know that this is expensive and inconvenient, but we have to do what we have to do in order to keep the roads safe. Isn’t life supposed to be sacred? Better yet – I have heard ad nauseum that guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Most states try to keep guns out of the hands of lunatics, but psychiatric records are confidential. Let’s insist that anyone who wishes to purchase a weapon undergo psychiatric testing on the spot and have the vendor obtain the results prior to selling the weapon. Even better – let’s test every member of the incipient gun owner’s family, just in case Junior’s nursing a budding psychotic breakdown. In the spirit of confidentiality, psychiatrists can score the evaluation as “pass” or “fail”. Good ol’ Virginia says that you can have as any handguns as you like, but I believe that in the spirit of fairness, there should be new psych exams with every purchase. After all, they would absolutely insist on a new songram with each and every pregnancy, wouldn’t they? This is a huge opportunity for the Commonwealth – you know, the state that is for lovers – to prove its assertion that they only want for women to have all of the information. Well, I know deep down in my heart that no one wishes to have themselves or a member of the family become a mass murderer, so ergo the recurring psych evaluations. Now that I think of it, perhaps a neurologic evaluation might be prudent as well to exclude any signs of dementia, early onset or otherwise. I know that this could seem expensive, embarrasing, and unnecessary, but human life should be of paramount consideration here.
Further, should you want a fishing license, you must first undergo a battery of allergy tests in order to prove that you have no ichthine allergies. Human life is sacred, doncha know, and we have no plans to take care of your wheezing and rash – you’ll just have to die. So, if you don’t know if you have allergies, you just can’t fish. Period.
Why stop with government? Should you not have to submit to a complete physical prior to obtaining a mortgage? The bank has the right to know that you are healthy enough to keep working and cover the mortgage, and we cannot chance further disruption of the economy. Of course, you can always sign up for a disability policy of their choice – at your expense, of course. Perhaps your local grocery store should check your blood sugar before you purchase cookies. Maybe you should fork over your marriage license prior to acquiring that new K-Y stuff. Let’s involve the marketplace in the safety and morality of our citizens, courtesy of the “conscience clause”. They need something to do while they are not being regulated, and if corporations can refuse to provide contraceptives, just imagine what else they can do.
Hail Ford! This is an open thread.
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