Feminist Friday: Are You There, God? It’s Me, Uterus.
Posted on: June 3, 2011
- In: Feminism | Healthcare | misogyny | Morning Widdershins | Obama | Open Thread | Patriarchy | Politics | Religion | Sexism | Snark | Women
- 41 Comments
Ahem. Yes, God, it’s me, Uterus. I might as well admit that I am only reaching out to you because I am in the final stages of desperation, hoping for a miracle from You. As the saying goes, there are no atheist uterii in red states! Heh-heh.
I have been doing everything I could to make my voice heard in the secular world, O Yahweh. Thinking, “Hey, if corporations are people, and fertilized eggs are people, then I must be a person too,” I even incorporated myself in order to, you know, double my personhood! But it was no use. No one seems to hear what I have to say….so you, o Great One, are the court of last resort. Brace yourself: I’ve got a lot of complaining – er, I mean, praying to do!
First, what is up with these idiots trying to prevent doctors from learning about how I work, and how to fix me when I’m broken? I’m the cradle of life, for Your sake…and if you let my host body fall into the hands of one of these know-nothings, she could die! Just listen to what happened to one pregnant woman who got stuck in that situation:
I was taking an afternoon nap when the hemorrhaging started while my toddler napped in his room when I woke up to find blood gushing upward from my body. Though I didn’t know it at the time, I was experiencing a placental abruption, a complication my doctor had told me was a possibility. My husband was at work, so I had to do my best to take care of me and my toddler on my own. I managed to get to the phone and make arrangements for both of my children before going to a Chicago hospital.
Everyone knew the pregnancy wasn’t viable, that it couldn’t be viable given the amount of blood I was losing, but it still took hours for anyone at the hospital to do anything. The doctor on call didn’t do abortions. At all. Ever. In fact, no one on call that night did. Meanwhile, an ignorant batch of medical students had gathered to study me — one actually showed me the ultrasound of our dying child while asking me if it was a planned pregnancy. Several wanted to examine me while I lay there bleeding and in pain. No one gave me anything for the pain or even respected my request to close the door even though I was on the labor and delivery floor listening to other women have healthy babies as the baby I had been trying to save died in my womb.
(snip)
My two kids at home almost lost their mother because someone decided that my life was worth less than that of a fetus that was going to die anyway. My husband had told them exactly what my regular doctor said, and the ER doctor had already warned us what would have to happen. Yet none of this mattered when confronted by the idea that no one needs an abortion. You shouldn’t need to know the details of why a woman aborts to trust her to make the best decision for herself. I don’t regret my abortion, but I would also never use my situation to suggest that the only time another woman should have the procedure is when her life is at stake. After my family found out I’d had an abortion, I got a phone call from a cousin who felt the need to tell me I was wrong to have interfered with God’s plan. And in that moment I understood exactly what kind of people judge a woman’s reproductive choices.
How in the world could anyone be a doctor without knowing the basics about moi? Do these fools think if they close their eyes, I’ll just go away? What are they, children? If so, I sure hope you will spank them, Oh Vishnu, and send them to their rooms until they learn their lesson: Ignorance of the uterus is NO EXCUSE! And it is not acceptable for a doctor in 2011.
Speaking of ignorance, why do you put men in charge of me, oh Buddha? It’s not like they know what it’s like to have me inside them. Hey, I don’t mean to be a pain in the back, or the stomach, several days a month. I don’t mean to make you all bloated and uncomfortable and cranky and craving chocolate and salt. What’s a uterus to do? That’s the price you women pay for being the creators of life and stuff! But I have to say, Great Goddess, that I haven’t been impressed with the way you’ve been allowing these men to lord it over me. You put me inside women for a reason! You knew that men couldn’t be trusted with important decisions like when to have babies and when not to. Hell (I mean, heck! excuse me!), if they were in charge of reproduction, there would be an abortion clinic next to every Starbuck’s! Come to think of it…
I know what you’re thinking, Jesus. Less complaining, more praying! So here I go – I am asking you to do two things for me today:
#1 – Please turn the following individuals into women:
- Barack “Feeling Blue” Obama
- Mitch “No Abortions on Military Bases” McConnell
- Kansas Representative Pete “You Should Plan Ahead for Rape” DeGraaf
- New Jersey Representative Chris “HR 3″ Smith
- Speaker John “I Cry Over Everything But Punishing Women” Boehner
- Senator Harry “I’m a Pro-Life Democrat” Reid
And make them poor, pregnant, and living in an abortion-free state while you’re at it, please? They can return to their privileged lives as “public servants” once they pass the ERA. Mwahahaha!
#2 – Can You please inform Michelle Bachmann that it was not You who told her to run for President? I don’t know about you, but I think it is terribly embarrassing for You to be given credit for the failure of her latest prescription.
That’s all I’ve got for you today, Dear FSM. I certainly hope my prayers will be answered by one of You, because frankly, I’m about out of options.
This is an open thread.
41 Responses to "Feminist Friday: Are You There, God? It’s Me, Uterus."
June 3, 2011 at 8:34 am
@1 – Janicen, that is a great comment. Thanks for sharing it.
I do think that anti-abortion movement is not about abortion – it’s about not just shaming, but controlling, and even eliminating, women. These anti-abortion maniacs know that women will die, possibly by the millions, if their policies are imposed. They don’t care because they think, inherently, that women are evil and deserve whatever they get.
Honestly, if these fundie freaks didn’t need women for reproduction, they’d kill us all off in a minute. I truly believe that.
June 3, 2011 at 8:47 am
Bottom line: it’s all about sex where one half of the coupling is “punished”.
I think I read that somewhere in the bible.
Great post, madamab! Hard to argue with the truth.
June 3, 2011 at 10:18 am
Great post!
That list of men who should be turned into women needs to expand though!
June 3, 2011 at 10:30 am
@4 – Yes, Chat, I thought you would like the Raging Grannies in Florida! Maybe a group you could join? 
@5 – I completely agree – I was limiting myself to legislators who have restricted abortion access drastically in recent months and years. Please feel free to add to the list. 
June 3, 2011 at 10:32 am
Iranian woman in CA calls for stoning of “sluts”
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/iranian-woman-calls-for-slut-women-to-be-stoned-on-the-pages-of-calif-paper/
June 3, 2011 at 10:47 am
@7 – They really do want to kill us all…even the fundie women. Never trust a fundie, be they Christian, Muslim or Jewish!
June 3, 2011 at 11:36 am
Well, Edwards has finally been indicted.
Are we starting a legal defense fund?
June 3, 2011 at 11:42 am
@9 – LOL! Meanwhile the Obie “WTF” Kenobi Administration has not yet indicted one single Repub.
Oh, and he says he’s not going to take a stronger stance with Repubs on Medicare or Medicaid. Another lefty Dem (Waxman) thrown under the bus.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/02/barack-obama-democrats-henry-waxman_n_870619.html
I’m beginning to think it’s more politically dangerous to be a liberal under Obama, than it is to be a conservative. I can’t help thinking the Dems deserted Anthony Weiner instead of standing up for him when he said his feed was hacked. Why?
June 3, 2011 at 1:39 pm
Oh, can you photoshop out the uterus in the sexually seductive Adam centerfold pose/r image? The uterus might cause sexual arousal for any variety of Fundamentalist. Or maybe put a veil, habit, hadith over it?
June 3, 2011 at 2:06 pm
You have some mail, MB.
@7 Jesum! Please tell me that is an Onion piece. Please. Some kind of, one of those fake press release things.
I can barely even respond to any of this seriously anymore.
Quick, photoshop in a tinfoil hat over that Uterus for sanity sake, MB!
June 3, 2011 at 2:14 pm
I so hope this embed works. I don’t know if this has been talked about here because I have not been on much lately, so if it’s a repeat I apologize. How does somebody not know the story about Paul Revere’s ride? Even elementary school children know the legend a little better than this…
June 3, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Jesum! Jesum! Some of the comments, most, in the Blaze article (and the Blaze article about the Beck interview) are pretty much as bad as the woman’s letter itself. I would suspect a few of those hypocrite rightwingers have thought the same thing a time or two in their lives…of course from a “Christian” perspective. A Command F Search would probably reveal the word “slut” too in many of the user IDs.
June 3, 2011 at 2:17 pm
Dammit, it didn’t work, but take a look, it’s pretty funny and sad at the same time.
June 3, 2011 at 2:26 pm
@17 Yes, must watch…
and her last sentiment in that history lesson…”and we were going to be armed.” Right on, Sarah! Bulls-eye, again! /snark
Off to pop a xanax and stop taking over the thread. Did some alignment of the stars or planets happen in the last couple of days?
June 3, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Okay, it’s about time to self-medicate:
http://www.nicklewis.org/art/photos-and-graphics/fukitol-the-new-miracle-drug
June 3, 2011 at 2:34 pm
@19 Oh that makes me miss Cinie. She did a frontpage piece about that one time…almost a whole week of comments about that drug.
June 3, 2011 at 2:35 pm
la@21: Oh Lordy, Cinie would have probably stroked out by now with all the crap going on.
June 3, 2011 at 3:17 pm
Can’t wait to find out who “gifted” John Edwards the money to keep his affair secret. Wonder if it happened about the time of the Iowa primaries?
June 3, 2011 at 3:36 pm
Fredster, how’s your little bubeleh?
La-t-da – will respond to your email after workday is done. A little bit swamped today. 
June 3, 2011 at 4:48 pm
la@23: Supposedly Bunny Mellon laid a ton of cash on him.
MB@24: I went by there to sign the papers (just like people) to have a drip put in and the okay to give her pain meds and stuff. Was going to take her out but Gawd it’s so hot, 98 with a heat index of 103 that they let me just take her into an examining room and she romped and ran around like crazy. I saw the place on her side and it’s not big. Spoke to one of the techs who said it is most likely not cancerous so we’ll hope for the best. I brought her a “greenie” and she had a fit. Was sitting on the exam table trying to chew it…it started to fall out of her mouth so I reached to grab the end and was rewarded with a
growl. I thought “aw okay little girl, you’re fine”. I also brought her squeaky alligator although we call him crocagator so she could have him with her. I made sure to rub crocagator all over with my hands and arms so she’d have my scent on him and know it was daddy. 
June 3, 2011 at 6:49 pm
OMG. i so love dachsunds and Chloe sounds like such a delightful girl. I hope she is okay.
June 3, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Hey madamaB, could you email me? littleisis13@gmail.com. plz and thank you!
June 3, 2011 at 7:39 pm
MB@26: Check your mail. I sent you a pic of chloe and her daddy.
June 3, 2011 at 8:29 pm
The post and graphic are terrific, MB!
After those pols are turned iinto women, do you think they will begin feeling “periodically down”?
Oh and if the goddess could begin the transformation with Chris Matthews, I’d be grateful. I know he’s not a pol, but he’s so whiny.
June 3, 2011 at 8:43 pm
@27 – LI, you have mail.
Pat and Chat and LTD and Fredster, you have mail.
@29 – Thanks, Minkoff!
@30 – Oh, absolutely. He, Olbermann, Tucker Carlson, David Shuster, Andrew Sullivan…they should all be turned into women stat!
Who else?
June 3, 2011 at 9:56 pm
@32 – No kidding, Fredster. One week of cramps and those wusses would be screaming like their heads were being cut off!
I wonder what kind of pain killers would suddenly become legal over the counter if that happened?
June 3, 2011 at 10:16 pm
Oh and don’t forget Maher in there too, the pig.
I wonder what kind of pain killers would suddenly become legal over the counter if that happened?
Oh heroin, morphine, demerol and anything else they could get their hands on.
June 3, 2011 at 10:34 pm
@34 – Oh, for sure! Maher would be hilarious as a woman.
You know who would probably have been totally fine with it? George Carlin. Talk about a guy who was comfortable with himself…RIP George!
June 3, 2011 at 10:38 pm
@35: yeah, most probably Carlin would have been cool with it and then done a monologue about how great drugs were for the “monthlies”.
June 3, 2011 at 11:11 pm
madamab @ #2. You are SO right. That is EXACTLY what that “movement” is about.
I see His Noodleness!!! I am at peace now!!!! I saw him recently in my bowl in a Chinese restaurant! I was nearly raptured by his noodley apparition I could barely eat him!
June 3, 2011 at 11:16 pm
Great post!!!
The bit about the med/premed students was telling — empathy — nope not required for an MD.
June 3, 2011 at 11:19 pm
The only thing I can think of it that a lot of these guys must have had some real issues with their mothers.
June 4, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Brilliant post Madama!
Interestingly, the great fetus defenders are silent on the subject of toxins from genetically modified foods ending up in the fetus.
Comments are closed.
June 3, 2011 at 8:25 am
Great post, MB. The story about the pregnant mother who almost lost her life because of this ignorance and insanity was frightening and disturbing. What a shame that we have to read about it on blogs while the MSM is busy reporting about fake tweets and changing the food pyramid to a plate.
I have to copy a brilliant comment by Blasdelb at 8:35 am on May 27 from the article you linked…
“This makes total sense,
Because, again, the obligately pro-life movement is not about saving unborn babies. If it were, the logical thing to do would be to support extremely cheap and straightforward maternity care that would save tens of millions in the US and billions globally in the next decade, but no that is not even desired, because the movement is not about featuses. Its about shaming women for being women, and making a genuine freedom on conscience so dangerous that women would have no choice but to have a “Christian” morality imposed on them. ”
Well said.